We both lost something very, very important to us today.

Tomorrow will be a day of comfort.

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I got into Berkeley.

FUCKING BERKELEY.

But somehow, that doesn't really matter anymore. I'll smile for everyone, but it doesn't really matter.

I would rather have gotten rejected from all the top tier UCs than have lost a friend.

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Taking Calculus was seriously

The

Worst

Decision

of

My

Life


I feel like shit.

It always ruins my day.

I hate this I hate this I hate this

I just want to quit.

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mood: frustrated
music: Hand Me Down - Matchbox Twenty

I do believe that Jayne, Mark, and I are all much too selfish for our own good. Our collective good, our individual good, all the works.

After Jayne "gave up" a few weeks back and started being friendly again, and Mark finally said he'd just try to stop letting her get to him, I felt very... Relieved to not have to deal with the two of them for once. Of course, I had to deal with freaking out about my friends hating my new relationship and thinking that I don't care about them and freaking out about trying to balance Mark with everyone else and stuff like that. I guess that wasn't so much better than this, but at least that was all in theory. The most I'd heard of it had been secondhand, at least.

Mark and Jayne's conflicts are always direct, head-on, and I am somehow always involved. Any other time, I just try to tell myself to stay out of it and let them deal with it themselves, but this time it's actually all about me, so. It's kind of hard to stay out of it. It's very, very annoying.

I. Hate. Conflicts.

It's hard to even say what the problem is anymore. Really, they just are not compatible. In any way. And it makes me both angry and depressed that it's taken me so long to just...accept that. I've tried to fix things so often that it's difficult to even remember a time when one didn't bug the other in some way. I guess I haven't exactly given up on fixing things between them, but... I've finally learned to just accept that they're not going to be friends, no matter what. How fucking depressing.

After two months of fighting with Jayne like...every night, Mark and I finally really argued about it on Thursday night. Which made us both pretty miserable. Then again, we've been feeling like that about this topic for a while, I guess. Anyway, I'd recently gone from complaining and ranting about Jayne to commending her improvement from January/February, which made him feel like I was siding against him and not supporting him, which I suppose is what ideally a girlfriend is supposed to do, but, well. I'm my own person. I tried to explain how I'm not on either side; I'm trying my best to not be either when I really am on both, which is just too complicated for its own good, but... He didn't take it well, and ugh, it wasn't a fun conversation.

I suppose ranting to Jayne about it wasn't the best thing to do, but I didn't really even give any details; I just said that Mark and I were fighting and that I felt miserable and angry and sad. She didn't even say anything, really, which I really appreciated; all she said was "Calm down, Elaine" and "Don't say that", which I guess I needed. I didn't really calm down, and I just kept saying "that", but it was good to hear it anyway. I was mad and frustrated and crying because I am so tired of Mark-Jayne stress, and even just because Mark and I were already disagreeing blatantly so early in our relationship. But then Mark signed back on and explained why he was hurt and said that he loved me and hoped that we would work things out the next day. Which only made me cry harder, but out of guilt for making him feel so sad.

Needless to say, I ended up staying up until four finishing what should've been an easy assignment. The first half of the next day was strained and tentative and unsure, and we talked more about the problem without really accomplishing anything, but, well. We'll figure something out. I know we will.

I know that he is trying his best. I just hope that he knows that I am trying to do my best, as well. As a girlfriend, as a friend, as a person.

It's hard, and I hate it.

I'm sick of trying to appease everyone while appeasing myself. (And you think, hey, why don't you stop caring so much about everyone else and just make yourself happy? But you know what I've learned over the years? I can never truly be happy unless everyone around me is. What a bother.)

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mood: almost content
music: Here It Goes Again - OK Go

So Erin turned eighteen two Sundays ago! So freaking old! I can't believe that we're all seniors and going to graduate in like three months and like are getting college letters and everything... So crazy. It's unbelievable.

So we had a spur-of-the-moment party at her place; no fanfare or anything, just went over to her house and played video games and hung around and stuff. At first, there was like omg video game drama because she'd gotten Super Smash Brothers Brawl, but it wasn't working... How horrible! So Beth went to trade it for another one--that still didn't work! Except every other game worked in the Wii... So it was very mysterious. We ended up going to my place to pick mine up to see if it'd work, which it did. And so we carted it over to Erin's and played, YAY! And then Beth had to return the Rock Band that Erin'd also gotten for her birthday, too, because it was for the PS3 instead of the XBOX 360 that she'd just gotten. It made me laugh because it had a Halo 3 skin, except she doesn't have the game, LOL. So we orgasmed over Brawl for a while, which was a lot of fun, obviously.

Then Mark arrived, and looking really good, too, heh. We played Rock Band for a bit and I realized that I am seriously bad at that kind of shit. No sense of coordination whatsoever, boo. But it was fun with everyone anyway. I am also really bad at Scrabble. Played with Mark, Di, Jayne, and Kelly (Mark and I had to team up because I was so bad at it, LOL), which was fun. It was mostly fun because Mark is a genius so we won, hahaha. Well, I did think of one word? After Scrabble, Jayne, Amanda, Mag, and Erin made a band while Kelly and Di read and ate and Mark and I cuddled on the couch (which made me feel really really happy and warm). Diana named the band "Twisted Panties", LOL, and then she stressed over their outfits. Oh god. Kelly left early, and then Mark did, and then I left with Di, Jayne, and Amanda. I had a good time, and the cake was yummy like it is every year.
















Don't I look like a fish? Flop flop.


Yep, we got pretty wild. LOL.


Yay!


These people are my life. :) Also, don't Mark and I make the cutest couple?

Anyway, then on Monday, Mark went to his friend Paul's house after school to play Brawl while I went to tutoring. Since the Wii broke or something, they picked me up after tutoring and we went to In-N-Out--and I had a cheeseburger! And I actually quite liked it! OMG. It felt cool to eat it and like it, hahaha. That sounds so dumb, but yeah. Tried some of Mark's...I was just going to say I tried some of Mark's spread. Umm. LOL. Well, it was good, anyway. ...The thing I dipped fries in. Anyway. It was cool officially meeting and talking to Paul and stuff. Mark left to use the restroom for a bit, which gave us a chance to talk. We made conversation about cars and stuff, which was cool. I felt friendly. I hope he approves.

The next day, Mark came over for like the third time ever, which was cool. We'd meant to do homework, but, well, you know how that goes, LOL. Anyhow, we were both pretty happy. It always feels so amazing to just spend time with him alone, and just... I dunno, forget/be without worries and stress and problems and just enjoy the warmth of being with each other. I dunno, I just...feel so complete with him.

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mood: pleased
music: Baiao - Nelson Faria & Cliff Korman

For all my whinging and avoiding of the topic of college in general, I have been...rather successful with college admissions. And that's an understatement! Oh my gosh.

So I mean, I only applied to UCs (no private schools or anything outside of California, for that matter), which I do regret, but I have a feeling I wouldn't have been allowed to attend anything else anyway. Father was kinda like... I dunno, when I was doing college apps, he kept emphasizing that I should stay in California. And while it was like...a request, he was very, very adamant about it, and well, I have a feeling that if I got into some good English school that he hadn't heard of before, he wouldn't let me go. But I didn't, so I guess that doesn't really matter. He kept wanting me to apply to USC and like Caltech and Stanford, though, and it's like... LOL, as if.

BUT.

So I applied to UC Santa Cruz, UC Davis, UC Irvine, UC San Diego, UCLA, and UC Berkeley. And... I've gotten accepted into every single one of them except for Berkeley, which I haven't heard from yet. Oh my gosh. OH MY FREAKING GOSH. Santa Cruz and Davis were like, yay, I'm going to a college, at least. UCI was like, COOL, Regent's Scholarship and Honors. UC San Diego was like, whoa, I got into my first choice, awesome! And then yesterday I got UCLA's acceptance and like... Wow. I'm still in shock. UCLA? What?! With Honors, too. How amazing is that? How utterly freaking amazingly awesome is that?

I feel like I should be jumping around for joy 24/7 now, but what is really feel is just...deep, deep relief. It's just like... All this work I've done all my life--constantly dedicating myself to my studies and trying so hard and sacrificing things like health and sleep just to see an "A" on that transcript... It hasn't been for nothing. But not only hasn't it been for nothing--it has been for something. And that is just...fantastic to think about. So often, I found myself asking, "What is the point of working so hard? I don't really get recognition for my efforts, I don't really gain respect or acknowledgment for my achievements; all I really get is the satisfaction of seeing a small letter on a piece of paper." But it has all really been for something. I've really achieved something. I've gotten something that I never even dreamed of. And that's what's most insane about it--I never even dared to wish that I would get into a school of that high a caliber. Applied to it just to see, but never really even considered it because it seemed so far-fetched.

And here I am. I suppose it would be stupid not to go, so... Well, we'll see. But, well. For now I am satisfied with this sense of satisfaction and just... I am so proud of myself. Everyone else is so proud, and a lot of people are saying, "I'm not surprised" or "I knew it" and "I told you", but... I am surprised. I didn't know it. It's times like this that I really, really am proud of the person that I am.

Hard work is never for nothing.

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mood: happyish
music: Downfall - Matchbox Twenty

Finally, time to blog! Oh, man.

So two Mondays ago, I told my mom about Mark. She picked me up at the library, where I'd gone with him to wait for his boss to pick him up for some recording, and when I got in the car, she teased me about coming to the library for a date. I denied it (I guess too vehemently) but then she started asking if I was lying that Mark wasn't my boyfriend, and I had to say, "Well, it wasn't true THEN [when I'd said that he wasn't, like a month or two ago]"... And she was like, "So it's true now?" And she didn't seem mad so I said yes. She didn't even react, LOL. It was so weird. I guess she's cool with it then? Yay.

That Wednesday, Mother left for Taiwan so I didn't have a ride home. Mark invited me over, which was really nice of him. I met his grandparents, whom I apparently impressed with my Taiwanese skills (he was so pleased, LOL; so cute). We got alone time together... He showed me his laptop and we ate and then cuddled while watching the Daily Show. It was really, really nice and relaxing to just be with him like that. The feeling of being with someone, it's...utterly amazing, really. It's one of those feelings that you never forget. Eventually, he left for work, and I stayed at his house and read First Confession, which made me feel very domestic. Talked to his dad for the first time--he turned on the light for me when he saw that I was reading in the dark, and then he asked about Mark's whereabouts and stuff. It's always weird talking to people that you've heard so much about but have hardly ever said a word to. After Mark and his mom came home, we went out to eat at Pat n' Oscars, which was quaint and nice. She's interesting to talk to, haha. And when she dropped me off at my house, Mark walked me to the door.

The next day, he let me come over again, but with Jayne this time. I was really surprised he let her come with us, but it was cute to see him all like...excited to talk to her. Well, excited is the wrong word, but like... Well, everyone knows I'm not exactly the best conversationalist, so, yeah. We checked out his new laptop and then he fed us and then we lay down on the ground (Jayne attempted to take a nap while we cuddled). I'm so happy he likes this like...intimacy so much; it's seriously amazing being close to him. Anyway, he walked us back to school, which was nice. It was funny telling my dad when he picked me up that I'd gone to Mark's house--"The one who got 2300 on the SAT" ("Ohhh!"), LOL.

Then, that Saturday, Mark picked me up in the morning for the UCI thing (I got accepted, invited to their Honors program, and offered a Regent's scholarship!). We had breakfast there, then sat (separately) through two hours of like...introductory speeches, then joined up again and attended an interesting lecture about political psychology and stuff. After that, we went to lunch! We were dumb and thought there was only one room of food, but there was like...tons more. So we got way too much on accident, whoops. The food was really good, though, wow, like... An immense selection. Pretty cool. During lunch, sat with Mark, Michael, and Hotaru, which was interesting. Hotaru talked about her relationship with Vincent, which was even more interesting. I love hearing about stuff like that, hahaha.

After lunch, Mark and I decided to leave, LOL. We're horrible. We went to University Plaza and I was so excited to get a smoothie! I always carry around $3.50, which used to be exactly enough to buy a smoothie, but when the lady rang it up, it was $3.65. I wanted to cry when Mark said that he didn't have his wallet. Hahaha, nah, it was okay. Then, we started freaking out because he wasn't sure if he'd lost his wallet at UCI, which would suck. Eventually, his mom called and told us that he'd just left it at home, phew. So then we just sat and relaxed for a while. It was nice to just sit and talk.

His mom picked us up and then we went to Michaels to buy Prismacolors for Erin's birthday gift. Then, we went back to Mark's house and he played piano while I read. This made me incredibly happy, like... I felt so content knowing that we could both do the things that we loved best while being with each other, and it felt really good like... Like we could be together and feel connected even though we weren't like...making out or needing to be with each other or anything. I'm glad that we're both independent people who like the feeling of being with another person and yet we both definitely need our own space. Anyway, yeah, that felt really good.

Mark's mom made us dinner, and it was cute (as always) watching them interact. Afterwards, we lay around for a bit and then joined Matt at the Deerfield pool--which was supposed to be heated, but wasn't. So we settled for the Jacuzzi, and while we waited for Jayne to arrive, we just chilled (...or rather, burned) and talked. Matt is...amusing, to say the least. When Jayne arrived, we talked some more--obviously, at a much higher volume, hahaha. Jayne is incredibly loud; you don't realize it until there's been like a long quiet period of time and then she jumps right in and starts talking, haha. Anyway, after a while, Matt invited us over to his house to play Rock Band, which was really nice of him. Met his family and then just sat and watched them play because I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of them, haha. Also, I didn't have my contacts in, so I couldn't see that well, and I didn't want to strain my eyes. We had fun, though; you know, the quaint kind. It was cool.

Okay, time to finish Calc. More later! Lots more!

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I promised myself that I would do my best to compromise in this relationship.

I didn't factor in compromising with my friends.

I hate myself so fucking much sometimes.

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mood: stormy and troubled and confused
music: I Am an Illusion - Rob Thomas

I don't want to be THAT friend. I don't want to abandon or discard or divorce anyone; I don't want any more people to feel abandoned by me. I just want things to be good, to be peaceful, to be nice.

I am an idealist, and I feel trapped.

I need to talk to somebody, but I...

I can't. Nobody is... I already know what everyone would say, and it's not... I don't know. The one person I'd go to about this kind of thing is the one person that I can't turn to. Hah.

I prayed so hard, so damn hard in English today. I want this to work out. I want to compromise. I don't want him to suffer, because he lets this stuff get to him way too much; it makes me feel helpless. But I have a feeling that the popular antidote to this problem would leave me just as miserable. Where's the middle ground?

it's not always rainbows and butterflies
it's compromise that moves us along

He said he didn't think we'd argue.

Haha.

Help.

I don't think anyone appreciates my efforts.

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mood: happy
music: Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney

LOL, I love WikiHow. It's so fun. I just spent the last hour looking up a bunch of random things, heh.

Last Wednesday, took Mother to see the school musical, Andrew Lloyd Webber's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, featuring Mark as Joseph and Erin and Jayne on French Horn and Trumpet, respectively. My friends are so talented. The show (which I'd already seen on Monday, when I watched the rehearsal--but seeing it performed formally is totally different) was amazing, of course. I liked it very much, even though I'd had my doubts on Monday and that night's show wasn't Mark's best (he lost his voice at the end, poor thing). I still feel absolutely horrible about getting him sick, but he said that now I have my own sort of "violin guilt", which refers to something mean he said to me way back in freshman year. He has a point there.

Mother went to the show a little skeptical but left very impressed. She liked it a lot, which made me happy. After the show, I talked to Jayne and Erin for a bit (we'd already chatted during Intermission, too) and then went to go see Mark. He said, "I was wondering where you were," and then we hugged for a long time, which made me absurdly happy. I felt even shyer than usual--this was the guy who'd just been on stage a second ago! And he was my boyfriend! So, so amazing.

On Friday, went to see the play for a second time with Di and Amanda. Amanda's mom picked us up, but Di took a really long time coming out because she thought that Jess would be in the car and she wanted to make her wait (the other time, we'd dropped Di off, and Jess had bitched and complained, so yeah), except she wasn't. And then she forgot her ticket, too! So we had to drive back and I was really nervous that we'd be late and miss Mark's first song! Luckily, the play started ten minutes late, so we made it with just enough time to spare. Yay! The performance was even better because Mark's voice was back, yay. I requested that Amanda sit between Di and me because I knew I'd be mouthing the lyrics to all the songs, and I knew that Di would hit me if she had to sit next to me while I did that, hahaha. Oh man, one of the best parts of the night was probably the look on her face when Patrick came on stage. LOL, utterly hilarious. I cheered a lot, which was fun.

During Intermission, we talked to Jayne and Erin and stuff, and then when they had to go back, we went back to our seats. Talked to Mark's sister a bit. Michelle (who lives a few houses down; sophomore cheerleader that I don't particularly like because she once said that I only got into String Orch because I was a junior and implied that I was a bad player) randomly turned around and was like, "Wait, aren't you going out with Mark?" and I was like, WTF?! How did she even know who Mark is? Much less that we're going out. News spreads quickly! I suspect Facebook, LOL. Anyway, I said yes, and then Mark's sister asked if their mom knew, haha (yes). Then Michelle asked if it was weird seeing him on stage singing and acting and dancing. I laughed and said no, because he does that all the time anyway, LOL. Haha, having a random person ask was... I dunno, I felt so proud, even though that sounds really stupid. I'm hardly dating him because he's famous, but I have to admit that I feel like...totally awesome and hot and lucky saying that I'm the girlfriend of someone so well-known and talented. I dunno. Is it horrible that I feel like I totally have bragging rights? LOL. Talk about an ego boost. (As if I needed one!)

After the show, I talked to Beth and Tina for a bit, then Jayne and Erin, and then finally found Mark. Waited my turn while he talked to his friend Christine, but then he introduced me to her, and it was totally different from when he'd introduced me to her before, with a hug and holding hands and everything, and I just... Hehe. Again, I felt really happy and proud. After I congratulated him (when I kissed him on the cheek, he got the most amazing smile on his face), he took my hand and walked around with me like that. Even around his mom and stuff! So sweet.

While he changed, rejoined Erin, Jayne, Manda, and Di and had a blast. It's seriously awesome that we can have fun anywhere. I laughed so fucking hard at Amanda's bitchiness; there was some drama about Duy and his new girlfriend and all this stuff, and the way she said, "Oh, no she did-n't!" was just about the funniest thing ever. Then we teased Jayne, too, which was fun because she couldn't stop smiling about it and kept denying stuff, ahaha. Mark came over and asked if we were doing something and then changed his plans to come with us to Denny's with Kasie! Denny's was...really fun yet not at the same time. It was like... I dunno, people were a little disagreeable, and I guess I wasn't the best person either...

There was some conflict about rides; Erin kept demanding to know who she was taking home, but we didn't know yet. Di kept saying that, but Erin got mad because her family wanted to know, and, well. Erin's kinda like that; when we don't do what her family wants, she gets kinda like...yeah. I felt bad for her 'cause she was all upset, but we really didn't know. I didn't want to go home early and split from Mark, which complicated matters because Mark came with Kasie, but Jayne wanted to stay late, too, but that was too many people for one car (...legally). So yeahhh, people weren't exactly happy, and I felt horrible, but I didn't know what to do. I'm really useless in situations like that, blegh. In the end, Jayne made a joke about only staying to get Bawls at 7-Eleven, but then we remembered that they don't sell it anymore and thought she was seroius, so we told her to go get a ride from Erin to make things easier. I found out later that she wasn't kidding; she'd just wanted to stay out later and party. Oops. Girl needs to work on her sarcasm/jokes/tone of voice, hahaha.

I was happy, though. Mark held my hand a lot, and we cuddled in the cars and a little bit in the restaurant and kissed each other on the cheek and eeeeeadkjf;kd he's so amazing.

Then, on Saturday, Jayne came over for like two hours or something and I showed her old Amusement Files stuff. Our conversations totally haven't changed in the past three years, hahaha. Pretty funny. Made cookies and then Mother brought me to Ralphs to buy flowers for Mark, Jayne, and Erin, yay. Struggled with my cargo, but managed to make my way to my seat and sit down without too much trouble. Since I ran out of friends to go with, I sat alone next to these freshmen and this nice middle-aged guy. But as I was arranging the flowers so that I could just kinda brace them between my legs during the show, this old lady in front of me turned around and was like, "Could you not crinkle those for the whole show?" or something bitchy like that in the...you know, bitchy old lady tone, and I was like "Screw you!" but more like "Yeah, they're not going to." And so throughout the whole show I sat paralyzed in fear every time they made the slightest bit of noise that she'd turn around and beat me or something, LOL. I wanted to be like, "Whatever, I don't see you with any flowers for anyone."

Mark's family sat like four or five seats down, so I talked to them a bit before the show, and his mom introduced me to his grandparents, hahaha. I'm terrible with introductions, and even more so in Chinese, but I try! I felt very special, heh. Then, during Intermission, his sister asked if I wanted to meet their cousin, and I was like, LOL, wow, it's like we're getting married or something, hahaha. But it was nice of her to treat me so like... I dunno, she seemed really enthusiastic about me, somehow, LOL. Kinda weird, but nice, I guess. So I met Mark's relatives and was introduced as "Mark's girlfriend; isn't she pretty?" Hahaha. They were very nice. After chatting with them for a bit, I talked to Pit people and stuff, whoo. When they had to go back, I went back to my seat and talked to Mark's mom for a bit about my dad and my family and stuff. It was interesting, and I felt guilty every time I couldn't remember how to say a certain word in Chinese, aaah. But that was cool.

After the show, I went to congratulate Erin and Jayne and give them their flowers. Mr. V made some joke about Mark's flowers being for him, and I felt bad for not getting him something! Boo. Then, I waited as Mark talked to his family and smiled when he gravitated towards me and gave me a big hug. I still can't believe it--I'm dating Joseph! Hehe. We walked around and chatted with people who congratulated him, and then we went back to the drama room for him to put his stuff down and change, and he... He kissed me! LOL, it was so like... I don't even remember how it happened; all I could think was, "OMG, HUH?" LOL. And then we both burst out laughing in the middle of it. It was great. I love our dynamic, haha. Like he critiqued the cookies that I made for him, and it made me laugh so hard; it was so Mark, and that's... That's like really special, I dunno, like... Like he's not acting different towards me or anything, but that he feels comfortable just being himself with me, and I dunno, that's just so. So great, I guess.

Went to wait outside while he changed and talked to Jayne for a bit but then she left with Ryan to the cast party--and ran back and gave her flowers to me, WTF. I was so pissed; why the fuck did I have to carry her PRESENT that I'D given to her?! And my pricey present, at that. Later I asked if it was so she'd seem more single to him, and she said yes, but it was still kinda iffy, so I don't know if I believe her, but what the hell. Way to show her appreciation, jesus. Anyway, Mark rejoined me and then we got a ride from Kelly G. to Hannah's party.

Mark was so sweet, holding my hand the whole time at the party and never ditching me; he really didn't have to, but it was really nice of him. I suppose he's more of a milling kinda guy, anyway. Then, since Hannah's party "was a bust", we decided to go to Chelsea's party. Obviously, the only reason I was going was because I'm Mark's girlfriend (which, I admit, I still get a crazy thrill out of declaring), but Jayne threw a fit about being ditched. Which is stupid because I didn't even go the party with her; she left with Ryan pretty fast and eagerly. I got a ride with Mark, walked in with Mark, spent my time there with Mark, and left with Mark. So I mean... She was freaking out about not having a ride home, and I was kinda like... Well shouldn't she have thought of that earlier? And then she seemed to think that we had some responsibility to invite her to Chelsea's party, but it's not like she even knew her, so I mean... Ugh, I was just really annoyed that she kept blaming me for stupid things. Okay, I could've helped her more to find a ride. I said sorry for that. And I could've maybe waited with her while she found a ride. I apologized for not helping her more. But I don't apologize for leaving, because I don't have a fucking responsibility or obligation for her, especially when I doubted that she wouldn't get a ride home because she'd been bragging about how much she loved parties and how many people she'd met already. She bothered me about it for an entire week after, which made me start to feel not very sorry at all. So stupid; it took some clenched fists and logical thinking to make that apology to her, and all she did was keeping bitching about it. Ugh. Makes me feel like... Why should I ever apologize to her again? But ehh.

At Chelsea's... Well, HAHA, since Kelly is silly, we knocked on the door of the wrong house, LOL. So funny. But yeah, Chelsea's house was utter awesomeness. Their backyard had like...this crazy Tiki theme, with a bar and a fancy pool and a swing and even like a heated little hut thing, OMFG. So crazy and cool. Had ice cream sundaes and cuddled in the hut and then wandered around. At one point we rejoined a few people in the hut and danced to some random songs, and Mark was so lost when we were singing the pop stuff, and I hugged him and said that I liked watching him left out, and he said back, "I like watching you not left out," AWWW!!! ♥

And then the cops came, LOL. But they were friends of the Sutters, and they'd taken the call when the neighbors had called about a party and a stripper next door, HAHA. So freaking hilarious; the stripper was Greg randomly in a firefighter outfit without a shirt on. After the cop drama, we decided to go inside. Sat on Mark on an armchair and cuddled and chatted for like an hour with everyone, and it was so lovely. I felt so content just like...being so obviously loved like that, with no sexual undertones or anything. The entire night was amazing, really. I love being his girlfriend; he makes me so freaking happy in the most like...content way possible. And so, so shy, too, but I love what we have. Like really. :)

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Because I have an open first and I have no idea what to do for Gov homework!

Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:
1. You are amazing: I love you and I can't wait until we can spend some real time alone together.
2. If you won't get over me, then please get over yourself.
3. You are my savior; without you, I really would be so much less of a person.
4. Please treat my mother better; she does so much for you, and all you do is punish her.
5. I'm really glad that we've gotten closer this year; we can't exactly relate very often/very much, but I'm glad that I've finally broken through your clamshell.
6. I'm sorry that I can't stand it when you nag; I do love you but I just love you more when we don't talk.
7. I wish we talked more; I miss you even though I see you every day.
8. I wish we had more in common and that I wasn't paranoid about sharing my feelings with you.
9. I'm really glad that we're still close even though we don't see each other/talk that often. I really appreciate you for listening to
my gushing, because I really, really need that right now. I'm trying very hard not to overwhelm you, though.
10. You make me laugh! I'm really glad I befriended you; although you will probably never be one of my best friends, I definitely treasure
you.

Nine Things About Yourself:
1. I love to look at myself in the mirror.
2. I cannot live without my laptop.
3. I worry/care too much about school.
4. I play the vibes in the school jazz ensemble!
5. I love the feeling of sunshine on my skin--and consequently, So-Cal summers.
6. I am a horrible kisser.
7. I love salmon sashimi and smoothies!
8. I have a really high (and according to my friends, annoying) voice.
9. I'm constantly looking for happiness in everything around me.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Genuinely care about me
2. Cheer me up and offer me both comfort and advice when I'm down
3. Remember little details about me/the things that I say
4. Lots and lots of hugs/holding/cuddling!
5. Be independent/yourself, yet let me know that I matter to you
6. Compliment me genuinely
7. Be respectful of me and my comfort
8. Love me for who I am. :)

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:
1. Mark ♥
2. Friends
3. School
4. Food
5. How I look
6. What I'm excited about that day
7. How other people look

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. Take Physics and Calculus! Aagh. x_x
2. Not break it off completely with Jayne after I broke up with her.
3. Make Kristine feel distant when I got with Jayne.
4. Not apply to any private colleges.
5. Become distant from my family.
6. Spend money like crazy the summer of 2004 because I was so thrilled
by having income.

Five Turn Offs:
1. Smoking/doing drugs/drinking
2. Clinginess
3. Attention whores
4. Ignorant derogatory jokes
5. Obsessive perverted interest in my bisexuality

Four Turn Ons:
1. Sense of humor
2. Musical talent/interest
3. Intelligence
4. Caring about appearance but not obsessively

Three Smileys That Describe Your Life:
1. :)
2. :D
3. -_-

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Camp for a movie or video game premiere
2. Take a trip somewhere with my friends

One Confession:
1. All my life, I've been Elaine-Who-Won't-Get-Married and Elaine-Who-Won't-Have-Kids, but this year, I've discovered that I wouldn't exactly mind either, and it's...a really, really weird realization. I'm worried now that if I don't get them I might not be completely happy.

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mood: so happy
music: Take You There - Sean Kingston

So last Friday, Amanda and I decided that we wanted Daphne's like whoa and asked Di if we could crash her place and get some yummy Greek food. Ended up going to CPK instead, which was totally cool. Had my yummy spaghettini and enjoyed eating the chicken very much. Took the half that I couldn't finish home and ate it later that night; I know, Elaine eating leftovers = amazing! I heart my CPK. Lunch was a lot of fun; Amanda, Diana, and I definitely have a ton of fun together; it's sometimes really fun to be all bitchy and girly and gossipy. And Nina is always utterly hilarious, of course.

After the movie, went to the theater across the street to watch Jumper, which was...okay. It wasn't a great movie, but it wasn't a terrible one, either. I like action/adventure/sci-fi-ish movies/stories like that a lot, and I found the teleportation stuff utterly fascinating. And obviously Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson were utterly delicious. But their characters were so dumb and they both acted so badly that it was really Jamie Bell that shone, mmm. I loved his character so much, and the ending made me so damn mad since it was one of those ambiguous ones where you don't know if someone dies or not. Man, what a bummer! He was so sexy, though. Even if he was hunting Pallys, hahaha.

After that, we realized we had no idea what to do next. It was only 5 PM. So I proposed that we get smoothies (of course, LOL) while Nina looked up what we could do on her laptop (dude, she's so bad; she was like on her laptop at all the intersections and stuff, HAHA). I laughed a lot because Amanda and I ordered ours normally, but Diana said, "Hi, can I get...the purple one?" to the chick at the counter. LOL. And then Di talked about how once some guy who worked there had claimed to be in her Chem class or something, and the chick was all interested in who it was. In the end, they figured out who it was, and Diana had called him fat. She's...a walking work of art! Hehe.

As we enjoyed our smoothies, we tried to figure out where to go. We went through a billion ideas, including the Great Park, Disneyland (we would've gone but I needed $250 to renew my pass, LOL), Sea World, the Long Beach Aquarium, Catalina Island (LMAO), the zoo... LOL. It was so funny. In the end, we decided to go to Color Me Mime. HAHA. And so we did. And it was...fun but exhausting, somehow. All three of us are like crazy perfectionists, so it was...interesting, to say the least, to work on something together, hehe. I am insanely a perfectionist, though; it took me so long to paint precise things. I had fun doodling pictures on the white paper with Sharpies (and Di had fun ruining them, boo). The most embarrassing part of being there wasn't being like ten years older than the other customers, but it was...being seen, LOL. Hannah Said walked by (no idea what she was doing there) and stared at us and asked what we were doing there, LOL. I have never felt more uncool, aah! So cannot look her in the face anymore.

After we finished, we went to In-N-Out (couldn't resist the smell permeating the air) and Amanda introduced us to "well-done" fries, which were...really well-done, hahaha. They weren't bad, but I think I like the normal ones better. Interesting experience, though. It'd been a fun day, but I was kind of relieved to go home. I was still sick, so I was pretty exhausted. Still, we shared a lot of laughs. We even have an inside joke, now. Nekrat! LOL. Basically, when I was doodling with the Sharpies, I started doodling in cursive, and wrote "nekrat" out of nowhere. I seriously just wrote whatever letter popped into my head, and, well. At the time--high on paint fumes and Sharpie fumes, I'm sure--it was probably the funniest thing in the world.

My friends are so much fun.

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