5th of july potluck

So last Saturday, I hosted a potluck party at my place! It was pretty kickass; we had a shitload of food. Mark made guacamole and brought potatoes, Amanda made spinach dip, Matt brought salsa, Kelly made pasta salad, Erin made mac & cheese, Mag's mom made red pasta, Diana brought two chickens and made chocolate-covered strawberries, Sara and Kelli each made a chocolate cake, and Andrew brought a brownie platter. I supplied drinks, chips, french onion dip, and bread. There was a lot of food, wow! And it was all very tasty, too.

The first hour was spent socializing and playing Brawl and eating and stuff. Then, the sophomores left and everyone but Mark and me played Cranium. Mark wasn't feeling well, so he went upstairs to rest and I went with him because I didn't want him to be alone. I told the others that we would play if they played a second game (because I really wanted to play), but they didn't, boo. Mark and I played 20 Questions since he still couldn't talk, and I failed like crazy at it, hahaha; I even had to go ask my friends for help when I was stuck. He laughed a lot, though, and I was just really happy to make him happy like that. An hour later, I joined my friends downstairs playing Cooking Mama. I was really reluctant to leave Mark, but I didn't want to be a rude hostess. notsure

Mark joined us shortly after and told me that his mom was coming to pick him up to take him to the emergency room to get his illness checked out, since he suspected that the ear infection had spread from one ear to the other, eek! He looked really bad; I felt so sorry for him. I hate seeing him suffering. sad

After a while, he got picked up. I was really worried about him but I just tried to have a good time. We played Guitar Hero, and I played for the first time! It was actually pretty fun; better than I'd expected, haha. After a while, Mag and Erin took over because they wanted to play it on Hard, so the rest of us just lounged around talking and taking stupid pictures and being silly. It was fun. I set up Skype so that Jayne could talk to everyone and started cleaning stuff up so that I wouldn't have to clean after everyone left and so I still felt like I was having fun while being productive, yay! Everyone left around midnight (except Diana, who had to leave at like ten), and I stayed in the kitchen cleaning for a while. I was kinda sad 'cause I'd been hoping that Mark and Di would stay to help and clean up, but they were actually the first to leave, haha. Oh, well. It wasn't so bad. Except for throwing the chicken bones away, OMFG. I don't know if I'll ever get accustomed to the smell of meat. At least I got to Skype with Jayne and Mag, though. I'm so glad everyone got a laptop! Now we can all webcam and keep in touch. happy

Mark reading! So cute; he's even smiling. :)

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Posted on 07/12/08 by Elaine

mommy elaine week

mood:

excited and nervous
music: Forever - Chris Brown

Yep, still loopin' it.

feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you
imma take you there, imma take you there
so don't be scared; i'm right here, ready?
we can go anywhere, anywhere
but first, it's your chance
take my hand, come with me

So Mother left on Monday the 31st, and left kind of ridiculous instructions. She told us that we weren't allowed to leave the house; we could have friends over but we couldn't go out: Jess because she would get lost and need to bother my aunt for a ride since none of her friends give rides--and me because if I went out, Jess would want to go out. Uhhhhh, I said. How is that fair to me? Meh. So I worked with the loophole and went out that day when Jess had tennis camp, so she had no way to go out. Mother said it was fine and that I "shouldn't tell Jess" so she wouldn't want to go out, too. Uhh, kind of weird.

Anyway, Di and Kelly invited me out to lunch, and we went to this really nice and cool and yummy sushi place at the District, Ra Sushi. They had some really cool stuff, and we tried the Scallop Dynamite Rolls, which were delicious. We also got a Terriyaki Salmon bento and California rolls. The crabmeat in the California rolls was really amazing; it was really fine and of fantastic quality. The salmon was really tender and juicy, too, and the scallops were just amazing. I really liked the place, and I hope that we can go again. I want to take Mark there sometime. They had great service, the atmosphere was the kind that I love (fresh and modern but not gaudy), and the waiters and waitresses were cute. Very clean, too. Very white, kinda, but that was partly why I liked it so much. Very refreshing. We had a really fun time!

Afterwards, we shopped at Tilly's for a while (I need to go there and buy t-shirts for Berkeley), and I found a lot of stuff that I liked. I always forget that I like shopping at Tilly's a lot; I should really go there more often. Afterwards, we walked around some more and went to G Avenue, where I got a cute green shirt for $5. Ah, I love cheap clothes. Then, we went to Pinkberry and chilled there for a while; tried the kiwi topping, but it was a little too mushy for my taste. I like my fruit nice and firm. ...LOL.

On Tuesday, I went job-hunting with Erin. Got an app from Office Depot and learned from like a bunch of other places that they do online apps. Cool. Decided I'm going to apply after I'm eighteen, though. Just makes things easier and people more wiling to hire you. Oh yeah, Erin had a rotten banana in her purse. It was gross, haha. Afterwards, they dropped me off and then joined everyone at Spectrum to see Wanted. I chose not to go because of my mom's instructions and instead went home to make Jess dinner. I felt very left out and sad, and Mark wasn't feeling very talkative, I don't think. At least I didn't have to have a guilty conscience, I guess. Angelina Jolie is so hot, though. sad

Then, on Thursday, Di came over in the morning and I ended up staying up to talk to her and stuff. Eventually, she went to sleep, and I went on the computer as usual. Later that night, I fell asleep out of exhaustion for like two hours. I meant to go to sleep, but she kinda kept me up, haha. When we did finally fall asleep, I ended up abandoning her in my bed and finding haven in my mom's bed. Woke up and texted Mark about July 4th (which was that day). He really wanted me to go with him to a family thing so he wouldn't have to be alone, but I didn't want to leave Jess at home and disobey my mom. We got in a fight over it, and I was mad because he was being selfish when I wanted to go with him and get out of the house, but I was trying to do the responsible thing, which he should've just respected! But I felt bad for him and caved in and said I'd go with him, but then he said to just forget it. In despair and with nobody to talk to about it, I blogged, as is my custom when I am upset and seek a welcoming ear. He got really mad that I was apparently being overly dramatic by blogging, which was really silly, because it's my blog to blog about what I want to blog about (let me say it one more time--blog!)--and is it my fault and my problem that he went and checked this page so fast? No. It really freaking isn't.

Unfortunately, about an hour after this argument (and it wasn't resolved), he and his mom drove me to the grocery store so that I could buy supplies for the potluck party I was having the next day. I was still upset at him, so it got kinda awkward, but we tried our best to just put things aside. He kissed my hand, which was sweet, and I held his, but then he upset me again when I talked about making potatoes and then he said his mom could and then tried to make me call her (since he couldn't talk) and then I said never mind because I was too scared to call her, except then he dialed it and tried to make me take the phone, but I was too scared, so then he talked as if expecting me to take the phone from him, but I was mad at him for pulling something petty like that (L2know Elaine better, plz), so I let him talk--although I kept insisting that we really didn't have to have potatoes at all. Needless to say, I was very unhappy for the remainder of the trip. And to add to the negative feelings, I still really wanted to go with him to the thing, except now it was obviously out of question, so I didn't ask.

Diana decided she didn't want to see fireworks with her mom so we just stayed at home. Nina brought us CPK and ate with us. It was very quiet. I still remember that time everyone partied at the Bakery while I sat outside in my front yard writing and drinking a bowl of soup and watching the fireworks. Anyway. By then I was getting kinda tired of Diana, and when she asked if she could stay another night, I said "I kinda want my bed back, though," since I was kinda exasperated that she refused to sleep on the floor and had forced me to go sleep in my mom's bed. She got the hint and made up a bunch of stuff about needing to go home and shower and change clothes and stuff and then left at midnight. I was grateful that she understood, or at least complied.

After she left, I started some drama by accident that I'm hesitant to repeat, but I should get it out anyway. So I was on Facebook (damn the thing!) and saw that Andrew's status was "Andrew is looking forward to tomorrow". I was touched because "tomorrow" the potluck party that I'd planned at the beginning of the week. But then I went on his Facebook page and saw that his friend had written something about dinner and movies "tomorrow". So I was like, huh?! Because Andrew had confirmed that he was coming. I went to their Wall-to-Wall to investigate, and he'd said, "I'm pretty sure they do, matt and i are at a potluck that mark's girlfriend is throwing (obligatory attendance... -__-) and we'll leave at like 6 or something, and then I'll prolly end up giving ben a ride, iono about andy". And OMG, I felt so bad. I never said he had to go! In fact, I kept insisting that they could come and go as they pleased, if they were to come at all! I'd never meant to seem like some crazy harpy girlfriend; I just thought it would be nice, because I like them a lot, and Mark likes them a lot, and they seemed to like me back! So I was freaking out to Mark and I told him to tell Andrew that he didn't have to come at all if he didn't want to come.

Instead, Mark told him what I was freaking out over (AAH!), so then Andrew IMed me on Facebook.

Andrew: does a brownie platter work for tomorrow?
Elaine: sure that's be great
Andrew: mark told me you saw dennis's wall and don't worry, i've been looking forward to this all week but so has he haha, so i felt i needed to humor him
Elaine: hahaha just don't feel obligated or anything
Andrew: no i'm serious, haha but matt and i kinda planned ourselves into a hole. dennis asked about seeing hancock tomorrow and we felt like we should go if we could
Elaine: you can just go! no worries! altho free food is always good i guess haha. whatever you guys like just dont ever feel obligated :P:P
Andrew: haha no we specifically made it so that we could go for an hour cuz we really did wanna go

Keep in mind that I was crying throughout that conversation, LOL. He was so freaking nice, but then that made me doubt if he actually meant what he was saying or if he was trying to be really nice since I was freaking out. Then I was afraid that now he just thought of me as a crazy sensitive control freak girlfriend. Blegh! I was freaking out so I talked to Mag and Jayne about it, who at first were like, "Wow, what a prick; that's really mean of him" but then agreed that it was just guy talk. Which then just made me feel really stupid for...misunderstanding, if you can call it that. Also I'm still kind of hurt that he said that, though, but I guess that's just me being a stupid girl. Apparently Andrew was freaking out, too, and kept asking Mark how to fix things, and then I just felt bad for making him freak out. And Diana said, "You should". I did, I do.

Jane plus a WHY: this is why men hate women

This is why I try to aim for some middle ground between the two gender stereotypes! Ay!

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Posted on 07/10/08 by Elaine

south coast & concert

mood:

awake and a little hungry
music: Forever - Chris Brown

This song has been on loop for the past two days! I love it.

On Sunday the 30th, I went shopping at South Coast with Jess. I didn't originally relaly want to go because while she had lots of money, I didn't have any to spare. However, Mother gave us each $100 and when I refused it, she told me that she wouldn't get us anything in Taiwan if she gave us that, so I had to take it. Luckily, I managed to score a bunch of really good loot, so I'm quite satisfied. Got two blouse-y shirts at H&M for $15; they'd originally been $25 each! Also got a $5 turquoise cami. Got three pairs of earrings (much needed; Jess and I have lot a lot of my best/favorite ones) for $15, and then got another two shirts for $25 from Wet Seal. Also got a new eyeliner since mine is ridiculously tiny and I keep losing it because it's so tiny; decided to get the waterproof version of my old Makeup Forever one. I also got a new sharpener, since mine kept getting jammed up. And since I'm a Sephora VIP member, I got my "birthday gift"--vanilla cupcake body wash--and since I fulfilled another 100 points, I got a sample of Some Kind-A Gorgeous, which was cool. Got CPK for lunch with Jess, and then we shared a Haagan-Dazs cup of coffee and strawberry ice cream, which was delicious!

Afterwards, Mom, Jess, and I had dinner at Panera, which was nice and quaint. I talked to Mom about how the Bakery situation really just isn't working out, and that it's about time to do something about it; she's spent enough time hmm-ing and haw-ing over it. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. She's terrified of ruining her relationship with my aunt, but I told her "Okay, that's great and all, but the fact is that you're not happy. And you can't just go on like this; it's getting to be ridiculous and pointless. If you're not satisfied with your life, do something about it. For yourself. Otherwise you're going to end up working forever and you're just going to be even more and more unhappy with the status quo." It was a good talk, but I don't know if anything got through to her. I hope so. My mother has a lot of ability and skill that she doesn't get to express. I want her to be able to do something that she wants to, for her sake. She's like me, you know? She sacrifices too much for the people around her without considering herself. I'm glad I learned early that sometimes, you really have to step back and be a selfish person to a certain extent, or you'll never be happy, forever working to satisfy the people around you.

After that, we went grocery shopping to stock up on food for the next two weeks, since she was going to Taiwan to see my great-grandmother, who's in the emergency room again. notsure

Originally, she really wanted to take us with her, but I really didn't want to go there and deal with the heat and the people and blegh; I just went last year, you know? It's too soon, hahaha.

Then, I went to Kelly's house to chill. She drove Di and me to a Jakes--a really good local band composed of guys who went to our school and graduated last year--concert at the House of Blues at Disneyland. It was a really good concert, and it wasn't that crowded, which was nice. Also, it was free! Hehe. Before and after the show, we got smoothies and chilled at Downtown Disney, which was nice. We should go more often. I wanted to sleep at Kelly's like Di was doing, but I didn't want to miss Mother's departure the next morning, so I went home. It was a nice day, though. happy

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Posted on 07/09/08 by Elaine

first full week of summer

mood:

at ease
music: Forever - Chris Brown

it's like i've been waiting my whole life
for this one night
it's going to be me, you, and the dance floor
forever on the dance floor

I love this song because it reminds me of Winter Formal and how unreal and perfect that night felt. happy

So on Monday the 23rd, went to Di's house with everyone (plus the sophomores minus Ben and Mag) to go to the pool and chill. At first, it was just supposed to be the sophomores, Mark, Di, and me, but then since Jayne was going to be back for half of the day before her flight to San Fran, it was changed to an everyone thing. Mark tried not to be upset and he said something really nice that made me think that he really wasn't upset (something about how it didn't matter as long as he got to hang out with his friends?), but then later he was upset and revealed that he had been upset before, so... Anyway. Di was really nice and went out shopping just for this. She made chocolate-covered strawberries and had a bunch of chips and dip and stuff. I was like OMG, those are for me, right?! (the strawberries) because she'd said that if I passed Calculus she would make me some. I'd expected her to be like, "lolz bitch no sucker", but she really said, "Yes, Elaine gets first pick because she got a C in Calc!" and I was so happy. Sometimes, when I'm trying to understand Jayne better, I think about my relationship with Diana, and it helps a lot, however weird that may be.

Anyway, Diana put me in charge of leading the boys to the pool first while they finished strawberries and cleaned up, and I didn't say anything, but I wasn't very sure about directions at all, and really, Jayne should've been the one to take them because she knew the way better than I did, but... Anything to keep those two apart, right? It's really quite inconvenient sometimes, and it put me in such a horrible position that day. Led the guys wrong (although later they figured out that the building that I'd brought them to and they'd said "nope" to was actually the right one), and then they made me call Di and Jayne for directions, and then they both got really mad at me, and then the guys were not exactly happy either because they were on a limited time schedule, and Mark kept saying, "Elaine, where is it?" like he expected me to know, and I just wanted to go home so badly. I felt like shit for getting them lost, and then I felt like shit for pissing Diana and Jayne off, and then Mark and Matt were all sharp and stuff... It was horrible.

Later, when we met up and found the pool (I'd turned too early), Mark forgot to take his cell phone out of his pocket and drowned it accidentally. So he was upset the rest of the time, and he later even said that I was a little to blame for that, since I'd went ahead to meet Diana at the corner and he hadn't been able to put his phone into my bag. Which is just ridiculous reasoning, really. Anyway, everyone played Chicken and had fun and stuff, and Mark brooded half the time and was semi-friendly half of the time. Since he seemed to pretty much be ignoring me, I gave up on trying to comfort him and tried to have some fun with my friends. At five, Di decided since Andrew and Jayne had to leave soon, we'd go back to her place and eat with them before they left. Already in a bad mood, Mark was really bummed and wanted to stay, so I told Di that we'd stay and join them later, but then Di went to talk to him and he got up.

Later, we fought about that, and he kept saying the only reason everyone was leaving was because Jayne kept saying she wanted hot dogs or something, but the reason everyone wanted to leave was because it was what was happening with the group--which Diana was leading. Ironically, Jayne had just kept telling me to stay here with him if he wanted to stay there, but... Those two always play each other in the worst light; and I never understand. He also said that I'd been all indifferent to him about the phone, when I'd gotten up to make sure it was okay with him, and then I'd tried to cuddle with him but had been ignored, and blegh, it was just messy, as usual.

Back at Di's, she made us hot dogs while some people looked at pictures on my laptop while others of us tried to figure out how to fix Mark's phone. Jayne wanted to buy him a new one and was even looking them up on eBay and trying to talk me into splitting it with her, but I convinced her that it was a bad idea. Andrew left, and then Jayne left, and then Erin and Mark left to go try using a vacuum on the phone. I'm not sure if Kelly and Amanda ate dinner with Di and me; I can't remember. Anyway, it was not the best of days for me, but I was just grateful that I'd been able to see Jayne before she left and see everyone and stuff.

The next day, went to Mark's and we finished watching Transformers, which we'd started on Sunday. Then, we started cleaning his...disaster zone of a room, which was fun. I like cleaning. His bed mystified me, though. It had so much stuff on it, but it wasn't even like...chronological. There would be some toy from sixth grade, then next to it would be some letter from a college or something. So weird, hahaha.

On Wednesday, Mark came over, except we had to communicate through charades and a white board, because he'd decided to go on "total voice rest" because his vocal cords were inflamed or something. Basically, he couldn't talk, whisper, laugh, yell, sing, sneeze, etc. Which was...interesting to deal with, hahaha. At first I was happy that we could still communicate, but then I guess I wasn't as good at it as other people, so that made me sad, boo. Went to CPK for lunch with Jess, Mom, and my cousin Tina, which was cool. They laughed at me because I couldn't communicate with Mark, haha. Afterwards, we went home and played a lot of Brawl. And I made dinner again, yay.

Thursday was spent studying the written driving test material, and then that night Diana slept over and then we went to the DMV with Mark the next morning. The wait wasn't bad at all; Mark and I played Gameboy, which was fun. Took the test and passed only missing one, yay! It was a stupid mistake, and I was sad 'cause I kinda wanted 100%, but who cares, hahaha. Afterwards, we ate lunch at the Woodbury Panera and had really good corn chowder, yum. Then we went to Di's and hung out for a while. Mark and I went to the pool while Diana played Mass Efect, and we both had a lot of fun, even though he was mute. He gave me piggyback rides, which were ridiculously fun in the water, and then we pretended to be ice skaters (LOL, I love this boy so much because he is willing to be a total dork with me--and he doesn't even have to fake it) and silly stuff, and then we played 20 Questions, which I sucked royally at, but was a lot of fun regardless.

Afterwards, Nina and Di picked us up and we got Daphne's and Juice It Up!, yum. Mark had this cool coupon so we got a free one, yay! Then we went back to the house to eat and watch The Colbert Report. I fell asleep on Mark, and we were all pretty tired, so Nina pulled out the sofa bed for us. Di made a big scene out of how she was going to take up the bed and make us sleep on the sofa parts, but after Nina went upstairs she went to her room and let us have the bed. I think she did that so that Nina wouldn't think that she was letting Mark and me romp around in her living room, hahaha. I was really happy to just sleep with Mark like that. We've napped together a lot, and I don't know, I really like how it just feels so natural now. I like how comfortable we are with each other physically. It's pretty crazy, since like... Before we'd gotten together, we'd hugged like a number of times that is countable on my hands. But yeah. It was nice. happy

P.S. My (second, heh) permit makes me happy--especially since my picture is hot! Yay!

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Posted on 07/07/08 by Elaine

college worries

mood:

sad
music: Love in the Club - Usher

Mark just came back from Orientation and Maggie is currently at Orientation and Jayne just decided not to go to Orientation (to save money) and

And all of a sudden, I feel really sad that I'm going to be missing out on so much of this college experience stuff. It worried me a little when I was deciding 'cause I read a lot about how people were really sad to be left out, but I figured I'd deal. I mean, obviously, I'll deal, but... It's harder than I thought it'd be, and I'm not even experiencing the real left-out feelings yet, since nobody has left yet. I don't know what it'll be like in the fall, when everyone is away and I'm just sitting here at home or somewhere working and waiting. And it'll be so lonely. Mag and Erin will be here, but are they going to go out? I dunno. Hopefully. And then when I go up to Berkeley, I just know that it's going to be even lonelier... Mark assured me about the dorm thing at least, but... Nobody likes new people. Everyone's already going to have their friends and everything and...

I don't know. At least my dad's happy, right?

I guess I should just be happy that I'm going to college at all, and that it's Berkeley, and that I'm going to get classes done with hopefully this fall. Mark said he'd already thought about what to talk to his roommate about regarding having a girlfriend and he'd thought about taking walks with me when he was up there the past couple of days and that's so, so sweet, and I'm so, so happy and relieved that he'll be there, but... January is a long time from now, and it's...July, it's the fifth month. I'm really nervous, but I really want to make this last. Not to mention that if we break up and I have to go up there in January... That would be lonelier than ever, wow. But that's just me being unnecessarily pessimistic.

Besides, my dad is happy, right?

Am I going to be bitter about this for the rest of my life? I don't regret choosing Berkeley; I really don't, and I'm really glad of it. But why does everything good have to have such a price?

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Posted on 07/08/08 by Elaine

party weekend

mood:

relaxed and satisfied
music: Your Song - Elton John

how wonderful life is / while you're in the world

Friday the 20th, I just stayed home and chilled and cleaned my room, which was a lot of fun. Yes, sue me, I actually enjoy cleaning. (As long as it's not food.) It's really like...mind-clearing and relaxing and even fun, discovering all the stuff that you have in those junk piles, hahaha. It makes me feel so good when I throw papers away and stuff and then it's like... I dunno I feel good about getting rid of stuff that I don't need? I wonder if that's a weird psychological thing. Anyway, Mark says that the fact that I love to clean is a turn on. But Ben said that Mark is a freak for thinking that, LOL. Ah well, whatever works to my advantage! tongue

Then on Saturday, Mark gave me a ride to Kelly's house, where her awesome graduation party was going on! Ate a TON of shrimp cocktail (without the cocktail sauce 'cause I've never liked it) and chips and salsa and drank a bunch of the really good punch that Wendy made. They got a freaking taco cart and a guy to work it, which was...an insanely rich-person thing to do, LOL. But it was pretty cool, even though I was too scared to eat it (the meat looked too daunting, hahaha). And then they had really freaking good desserts made by Kelly's aunts and stuff, and I fell in love with her chocolate fondue fountain all over again. loveeye

I would probably sell my soul for chocolate-covered strawberries, OMFG. Eeee! Everyone except Jayne was there, and Michael Young, Chris, Brittany, Inna, and Jennifer Suiter also came. Michael left after dinner, but the rest of us chilled and ran around and stuff. Mark got requests to play piano (LOL, typical) and even sang Elton John's "Your Song" (which I love!) to me, hehe. I grinned like a doofus. We were going to play Cranium but then everyone went to go play Guitar Hero instead and I was very confused. Ended up playing BS with some people, and then we joined Kelly's cousins (who were very good looking, heh) in playing... God, I don't even remember the game anymore, but it was extremely complicated and I was really proud 'cause I understood it in the end! Then more people joined us and we played something that was kinda like Spoons, except with partners or something. Weird.

Then, we played Cranium, which was a lot of fun. I was on a team with Mark and Di, and we freaking pwned. I even got Diana's imitation of Bill Cosby, and she was like really impressed, LOL. I was proud. We had to do a Mindmeld and the prompt was "Times Square". Diana wrote about shopping and lights, Mark wrote about Wall Street, and I wrote about New Year's, LOL. Definitely reflects our interests, hahaha. I had a lot of fun, especially when Maggie had to do pretend to be Rachael Ray and imitated a tennis player instead, LOL. Crazy stuff. tongue

Mark flirted like whoa to Diana the whole night, and I was a kinda uncomfortable with it 'cause it was way over the top and I was just being jealous Elaine as usual. At first I was joking about being upset, but then I guess I got caught up in it and it kind of genuinely scared me to see him flirting like that. We got in a big fight about it later that night, and at first he was being really nice about it and I said it was fine and I was just being dumb, but then he started getting upset and compared it to Jayne, which was stupid. He got mad that I was mad that he was getting along with one of my friends, except that was stupid because why does he have to flirt with someone to get along with them? I never said that I didn't want him to TALK to her, I just felt kind of left out? Eh, it was messy. He was making a really big deal out of everything, too, when I was just a little jealous and not really good at explaining why to him. And then when he was...doing his ranting logical anger thing and I told him okay, I was wrong, he just got madder. I got really mad at him then, because he kept saying that I was just saying he was right so that he would shut up, except no. Mark is always so fucking right with his logic and I'm too stupid (this is not self-pitying; this is the fucking truth) to ever come up with a counterargument because his logic is so fucking logical and then he always convinces me that I'm wrong and then OKAY, I admit that I'm wrong, and he's still not happy? I still don't think he understands that the fact that I ever admit to him that I'm wrong is like...monumental. It takes a shit lot of will from me, and it pisses me off that even when I wrench it out of myself, he doesn't fucking stop his diatribes. But as always, he was right and I was wrong. I was being stupid and making a big deal out of nothing (except that I wasn't making that big of a deal and he was making a big deal out of something very small, too). But that's besides the point.

The next day, Mark came over and we went to Kelly Grossman's graduation party, which was nice and quaint. The food was really good and I had a nice time sitting with Mark at the Singers' table. I was really happy to be invited and that Kelly is always so nice to me because I'm Mark's girlfriend. It was really hot, though! Mark and I left after like two hours and went to the pool, which was a lot of fun. Except Michael Sears was the lifeguard, which was a little awkward. And then John Frank and Sean Fischer came, which was just gross. And then this huge family kept splashing Mark and me and yelling, "Family pool!" when we were like cuddling and talking. It was incredibly rude and Mark was so mad, hahaha. But really, they could've just done the polite thing and came over to us and told us they were uncomfortable with our proximity or something, instead of splashing us (with really big splashes, too) every five minutes. Ugh. I still had fun though. Afterwards, I made pasta for him while he played Brawl and then we laughed about how ridiculously domestic we are, hahaha.

Kelly's dress was so cute!

What a nice weekend. happy

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Posted on 07/06/08 by Elaine

grad parties

Wednesday afternoon, woke up at Di's and ate and said bye to Mag who had to leave and then lounged around in bed. Played WoW a little bit and took a shower and stuff. Di and Jayne wanted me to go to Megan Clement's party really badly (Kelly was going, too), even though I really didn't want to go. I didn't want them to be mad at me, so I went, even though I looked at the guest list and raised my eyebrows and shook my head. At least getting ready was fun; borrowed one of Di's shirts (I actually own the same shirt, hahah) and put my hair in pigtails and stuff.

It was boring, as expected. Lots of alcohol, lots of kids from a very "cool" crowd that I normally disdain, not much to do except for talk with Christine Thrasher (who was busy talking to Kelly the entire night anyway). The dip was delicious, though; there was some really good homemade spinach dip and some pretty good homemade salsa. Skipped out on the alcohol and opted for a 7UP instead and felt like a bore, but I really did not like smelling alcohol on my friends' breaths, oh no. God, I'm going to hate college. Jayne and Diana both realized that they were wrong to want to bring me to the party, and neither of them wanted to leave, but Diana took pity on me and let us leave. Blegh, three hours too late! Haha, oh well. Not a big deal. Just was kind of annoyed that I'd been right all along (I know my social skills, man, and I know what my friends are like at parties with other people) and those hours had been totally wasted, and I hadn't had an ounce of fun. At least the dip was memorable. It wasn't a bad party, and I like Megan a lot. It just wasn't my kinda thing. Hope my friends learned their lesson regarding taking me to parties, hahaha.

Then, on Thursday, went to the annual SSR beach party/bonfire thingy, which was cool. Went with Mark and Ben to play on the shore (I love wading at the beach), which was fun, and then Ben left us after a while and we took a nice walk, which made the girl inside of me ridiculously happy, haha. Then, went back to the group and joined Di, Amanda, and Kelly, who took a trip with Ben and Erika and some other people down to the shore again, where we took a lot of pictures, yay! Then we went back to the bonfire for dinner (hot dogs!) and because I was freezing, I wanted to put on my pants and spent like a half an hour trying to figure out how to put my pants on without getting sand all over myself, which is a gross feeling. Tried a water bottle, tried the showers... Yeah, didn't work. At least I got to eat really yummy hot dogs; I think I had three or four. I freaking love roasted hot dogs so much, OMG. I was still freezing, so Mark let me wear his jacket (I'd lent mine to Amanda, who was wearing shorts), which was really nice of him; I think he was cold, too, but wouldn't admit it. notsure

After dinner, we had s'mores--well, everyone else had s'mores while I ate a sad little sandwich of graham crackers and cold chocolate, haha. I really don't like marshmallows, which kinda sucks in America. Boo. After that, we did senior gifts and speeches and the thing where everyone goes around and says their favorite part/moment of SSR this year. I said that my favorite moment was when I first saw the printed program for the Benefit Concert... Oh man, seeing my work printed professionally like that was freaking awesome, and even inspiring, in a hard-to-explain sort of way. That was when I felt like I'd really contributed something to the club; before, I'd just done what any other person could've done and while I felt happy to help, with the program, I felt like...honored to make a big difference in the club, or at least that night, 'cause WTF is a concert without a program? Yay.

Planned to give Ben and Mark a ride, except Mother took forever and I was terrified that Ben would get in big trouble and I felt so, so bad, and I was supposed to go to Di's house afterwards with her and Amanda, too, and blegh, it was horrible. They kept wanting me to ask Mother where she was, and I knew that would piss her off but then Ben's dad kept asking (he's one of those dad's with a stick up their butt, from what I hear) so I couldn't not and she got really mad at me and blegh. sad

She ended up taking like over an hour, and everyone was pretty blegh, even though it was a cool bonding experience with the two of them. At least Ben said his dad didn't get too mad because he'd gotten straight A's and he'd found out that day, so yeah... Still felt horrible, though. Can't wait 'til I get my license.

Aww, he spent like twenty minutes serenading me, and it was so sweet. ♥

So freaking cold!

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Posted on 07/03/08 by Elaine

grad dinner & grad nite

mood:

a little tired but not bad
music: Catch My Disease - Ben Lee

Supplementary information about graduation:

Amanda wore just about the cutest dress ever, but she forgot her tassel at home, and her parents took forever bringing it for her, so I lent her mine and just wore my CSF tassel alone. Realized that there's a reason for everything--this was why I'd joined CSF and had spent so much money completing the required number of points! So I could help a friend in need. I'm happy about that, even though I felt kind of reluctant at first because I thought that it would look weird without the standard one, but it ended up that a lot of other people only wore their CSF one, too. Am really glad that I did that, actually, because it made my ensemble match; baby blue gown with everything else gold--gold Highest Honors sash, gold Honors cord, gold nails, gold earrings. I looked good.

After we picked up our diplomas from the attendance office (Kelly forgot to!), I asked Mom if we could go get smoothies and she said yes without hesitation (it was so, so hot and I tore open my gown and felt informal and like a whore but it was really too hot to be wearing that thing) and we dropped Dad off at home before going to Jamba Juice and scoring some really yummy smoothies. Got a call from Dad that Mark was at our house already (oops!, thought he'd get dropped off later!), so we rushed home and I shared my smoothie with him happily. And then we took a nice, long, sweaty nap because it was too hot to do anything else and we needed to be well-rested for Grad Nite anyway.

Then at six, after some drama with Jess, we dressed up (I wore the red dress that Diana'd given to me that weekend), and Mother drove us to Chart House, where we had a nice graduation dinner. The waitress was very nice and she had a daughter who was graduating, too! I got crab stuffed mushrooms (delicious) and shrimp scampi, and then we all shared the delectable and very inexpensive raspberry sorbet and some specialty ice cream brownie concoction, which was also good, but intensely rich. Dinner was nice and relaxing, and I felt very at ease about being with both Mother and Mark. It was strange and nice.

Then we went back to the house to change, and then got dropped off at school, where we met with everyone else to get checked in for Grad Nite. Got on the bus and realized it was the last bus ride I'd have with Mark! In a school bus, anyway. We laughed about it and he told me about how he always wanted to sit with me for Marching Band (I'd always thought he just did because I asked, not 'cause he actually wanted to) and how he never just slept on any other people's shoulder (well, I proved him wrong about that with a few names but then he said those didn't mean anything but I did, awwwww) and I was happy that I hadn't completely misunderstood all of those hints. happy

Got to Boomers and looked at all the food before going crazy with the arcade games and stuff. They had a points on a card system, which was kinda weird and really confusing and I didn't like it that much, but it was still okay. Played lots of random games and laughed a lot; it was fun. Went on the go-carts and tried to go fast but ended up last, as usual. tongue

Got a strawberry smoothie thing and then played minigolf, which was hilarious because at first I was really good and Mark was really horrible but then it started moving to the other way around, hahaha. Also, Amanda sucked. LOL. But it was fun. happy

Then, we went to the arts and crafts place and got like a billion random temporary tattoos, LOL. That was fun. Then went and put tickets in for the like thirty drawings they were gonna have; wanted to win Mark a Wii or win myself some fondue certificate, OMG. Jayne put all her tickets in for Mark to get the Wii (she really wanted it and tried to convince everyone to do it, too; I felt kinda guilty 'cause I wasn't so manic about it, LOL) and Diana put in all her tickets AND went around and asked people for all of their tickets to get Jayne a bike. Why was everyone being so nice? I felt bad, hahaha. It ended up we won neither of those, and Kelly ended up getting like two big baskets of Chick-fil-A, which was just weird.

Watched the Hypnotist show, which was...creepy. Not because of the hypnosis, but just because the guy was a freak with a creepy haircut. It was pretty amusing, although I was pretty bored in the first half and snuggled with Mark (who was like captured) instead of watching the show. Eve was cute, though, hahaha. After the show, we got onto the buses and headed back to school. Stood with Mark while Diana dragged Jayne, Chris, and Amanda to the park, where there was a layer of fog on the ground. Jayne came back with an orange cone on her head and hit me with it and I was disgruntled and told her to stop, and then she threw it on the grass. Diana and Amanda and Mag got picked up by Nina but apparently Jayne and I were taking too long, so they left and were going to come for us a second round. Chris sat with us for a while, but then he had to leave, so it was just me with Jayne totally asleep and not sane. It was...interesting, to say the least, hahaha. They took like an hour to come back! sad

When they did, they took us to Di's, where Nina had put up decorations and gotten lots of food and made like...uber bed space; it was awesome and very sweet of her. I ate a ton and then decided I should probably sleep. Yay!

Enjoying our food.

It's it weird that I totally love looking at pictures where Mark's arm is around my waist? It makes me really happy. :)

Left: We traded jackets!
Right: Mark and Diana playing Tekken

Yay, everyone! Except Erin, who didn't come 'cause it's not her thing, which we were sad about but totally understood because she would just be tired and cranky from having to stay up, hahaha.

LOL.

What am I doing?!

My pro skills and my skinny jeans, oh yeah.

Tired crazy Mark, hehe.

Yeah, everyone was pretty messed up by 6 AM, hahaha. Jayne didn't even remember the cone when she woke up seven hours later, LOL.

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Posted on 07/02/08 by Elaine

graduation

mood:

relaxed but my back aches from probably too much time in this damn chair
music: Blue Eyes Turned to Grey - The Jakes

So Tuesday, June 17th was The Day. The day it all ended. The day compulsory education ended. The day that I never had to step foot on my high school campus ever again. The day that might be the last time I'd see a lot of my acquaintances. The day starting from which I could circle "yes" when an application asked if I had graduated from high school.

It was pretty anticlimactic, to be honest.

It was sweltering hot, and I desperately waved my name card around like a fool trying to cool my body down and looked around spastically for some distraction from the way my baby blue gown glued itself onto my sweat-drenched bare back. I praised myself for wearing a simple, thin, white cotton dress and damned myself for straightening my hair meticulously instead of just pinning it up and under my cap, which kept feeling like it was about to fall off. I half-listened to all the speeches and the singing and the music and all the superfluous words--just tell us that we've graduated, goddamnit! I tried talking to Mark and Maggie, who sat next to me (thankful that I was graduating next to two of my closest friends), but nobody was paying attention to anyone or anything with the sun's razor rays beating down on us. Finally, they began calling our names, and after a tedious, tedious list, I stood up with my row, took a professional photo that I was completely unprepared for, and then heard my name and walked across that stage, realizing how monumental that moment was. Shake and take, shake and take. The diploma felt heavy in my hands as I squinted in the sun and smiled for the photographer. I smiled and shook the hands of officials and counselors who I didn't know and who knew nothing about me, as my heart beat rapidly in my chest--and I could not, for the life of me, figure out why I was so nervous. All I had to do was follow the person in front of me. But my heart continued to flutter, like it used to when Mark would sit next to me on the bus and then he would shift himself to get comfortable and the tanned skin on his arm would touch my own and I would think, "He has to like me! He has to!"

Mrs. Langevin waited at the bottom of the strange ramp (the entire setup was very strange; they even moved in trees to establish...what kind of effect, I have no idea) and I gave her a big hug and she told me probably what she was telling all the less prominent people, but I relished it nonetheless, because even if it wasn't special, I know it was true. I hugged her tightly and thanked her for being the best advisor ever. And then I walked back to my seat, feeling so, so light despite the heavy certificate in my hand.

And then I used said diploma to fan myself, trying enthusiastically to escape from the scorching heat. Cheered for my friends louder than ever, sighed in relief as the sun seemed to be more sympathetic now--or I was just stronger, maybe.

Class President Hannah instructed us to flip our tassels, and then Principal Colunga told us that we were now graduates of IHS. Everyone threw their caps and cheered, cheered defeaningly, but I clung onto mine and beamed, beamed with energy and laughed as the hats soared in the sky and everyone scrambled to meet their families and friends.

Scurrying over to where we'd all arranged to meet (by the band), I hugged so many people and said "I'll see you around, somehow!" in so many different ways, because it was over--it was over! I was most touched by Helen running over and giving me a billion of hugs and telling me that she was going to miss me so much and how I've made a difference in her freshman year and how she really hoped that I would have fun at Berkeley and so many nice things; so sweet, so sweet. Screamed with everyone and hugs so many hugs all around, but then everyone attended to their families (got a glimpse of everyone's relations and all the parents I've never met and I felt a little sad inside, that I could've had a big loving group around me, too, but my family is all estranged now, and I'll never get to experience that), except my parents weren't there, so I stood around like a loser. But eventually they came, and they gave me red roses! (second favorite!) and Dad wanted to take pics of me with everyone, which I was surprised at but happy about.

Everything was so loud and bright and everyone was happy, and I felt so, so free.

Mom

Dad

Marky! I love this picture. :) I can't believe we graduated as a couple; what a lovely miracle that I'd always dreamed of but never believed would truly happen.

Bestest

Kelly with her insane number of leis... Oh my god, I don't know how she managed to breathe under all that.

A friggin' awesome picture because it's ridiculously symmetrical and totally unplanned.

My favorites, minus Mag, who ran away randomly after the ceremony. I am so, so glad that we made it through these fantastical four years together. ♥

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Posted on 07/02/08 by Elaine

grad rehearsal day

mood:

excited yet slightly annoyed grin

music: Someday - Nickelback

So Monday the 16th, we had Graduation Rehearsal at 10 AM, where we sat in the gym while they told us what we were allowed to wear and then went and sat outside in the scorching sun at like 1130, and oh man, did that burn. Was definitely not looking forward to having Graduation at noon, yuck. We were all sweating under the sweltering heat after only like ten minutes. eek

After that, I went to print some last minute stuff in the library while other people checked their grades and stuff. Then we all went to BJ's for lunch! How fun and yummy. happy

I had a lot of fun and got some good spaghetti and chicken, yay. Was in a chickeny mood, haha. Mmm, now I'm craving that Cilantro pizza thing that Mark and I shared there last time, hrm. Aah, I wish I had a license! But it was really, really nice of Beth to invite all of us. She wanted to treat us all! I'm sure the bill was pretty crazy. I'm going to miss her so much! sad

Definitely one of those people that you never forget.

Afterwards, we got my Wii and Kelly's Cranium and went to Erin's house and played both! It was fun. There was yearbook signing and sharing and stuff, too. Mark wanted to play Brawl the whole time as usual and was all bummed when everyone got bored of it, and I didn't really want to play it anymore but I felt bad so I did, and Jayne did too, which made me happy. I... I've long given up on us three, but sometimes in moments like that I know that in an alternate universe, that feeling is real, and I want to cry because I'm here and not there.

Mark was all bored and getting a headache and stuff so he wanted to go home, but Kelly couldn't take him home 'cause she was already late to something. I kind of really didn't want to leave because we were all there and it was really fun, but well, compromise, right? So I said we could leave like half an hour after when he wanted to leave because I really wanted to stay and I guess he couldn't exactly say no, so it worked out, kind of, I guess. But then I felt really bad 'cause like when I was gonna leave, everyone else decided to leave, too. I didn't mean to break up the party. sad

But I guess if everyone hadn't wanted to leave, they would've just stayed anyway, so it's okay, I guess.

Erin dropped us off at Mark's house and we just chilled and then ate dinner and then chilled some more. It was really nice, we just sat in the living room talking and getting to know each other better and stuff. I think we both found out a lot of interesting stuff about each other, and it was just... I dunno, really nice to just sit around doing nothing but just enjoying each other's company. I'd really like to do that more often, and not even just with Mark, but with any of my friends. I really like getting to know people better. happy

Mark looked so hot!

The best!

Cutest picture ever!

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Posted on 07/02/08 by Elaine