I'm going to fail my Calculus test, but I completely reset my dying computer, and now it's working beautifully.

I'm probably going to have to run a mile tomorrow because I'll wake up late after staying up studying, but I asked Mark to Homecoming, and he didn't say no.

I'm a little scared that something terrible is going to happen soon (too much happiness ain't a bad thing, but it's definitely ominous), but for now, I'm just going to try to enjoy this.

Also, I dinged twice this weekend. LVL 57, baby!

P.S. Firefox is really cool! I'm probably going to have a lot of trouble adapting (if I do end up switching for the safety of my baby), but...spellchecker FTW!

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mood: relieved because I finished all my homework before 1230
music: Spain - I'm too lazy to look it up....

"I understand how it happened--a little. You saw him in uniform, an officer, not here but--"

"I'm not sure it would have made any difference where I saw him."
- "A Streetcar Named Desire", Tennessee Williams

Because sometimes, I am blinded by all the brass, but in the quiet moments, I realize it's really quite irrelevant.

*

So let's play some catchup while my hair dries.

We had a game on the first day of school! It was pretty crazy. Turns out that dancing as a civilian freak is just as obtrusive as dancing as a Pit member. I danced anyway, and I tried to get Jacky and the rest of them to dance. Jacky danced for like, one song, before being totally embarassed and refusing to dance if nobody else (besides me) in Pit danced. I made a pact to myself/Jacky to make sure that we all dance by the end of the season. Because come on, football games aren't nearly as fun without the dancing. Also, it gets kind of lonely dancing in the middle of a bunch of people who...aren't, hahaha. Hopefully, I'll be able to rouse some spirit into them tomorrow. Since Jacky was pretty much hanging out with her friends, and Amy and Anu were talking, and the rest of Pit was just sitting there staring at the field, I joined Jayne, Kelly, and Amanda after we put stuff away during the third quarter.

There was some drama because everyone except for Amy and me left to go back to the field even though we still had a ton of stuff to move. Jacky was really pissed, and was going to make them run the next morning, but decided to just give them a stern talking-to instead and warn them that next time, they'd do laps for her. Because the same thing'd been happening all through Band Camp, and she'd scolded them a billion times already, so yeah. They got the message, though, so yay.

I talked to Caleb a lot that day, which was nice, except that he kept using "gay," so I flinched in annoyance a lot. (I really never use "lame" anymore; it's awesome, especially since I used it all summer (WoW uses it liberally).)

My performance in the half-time show was laughable, but everyone seemed really satisfied with the marching, so cool. It was a great feeling, being up there. I get stage fright like crazy when it's just me alone, but I really love performing in groups. It's just an amazing feeling, being part of something bigger than yourself.

After the game, after all the cleanup, there was a moment during which Mark was sitting on the director's chair at the podium, which had Symphonic Orch's syllabus on it. I went up to him to hug him and tell him that he did great and was distracted by the sheet of paper for a moment. He saw what must've been a forlorn, wistful look in my eyes--and he turned the paper upside down and said matter-of-factly, something along the lines of, "You're too good for them." It was just... I was so touched that I hugged him again. It's moments like that that remind me of what a good friend he really is.

We stayed after for a while, because one of the marimbas was broken. Jayne, Erin, Joe, Jacky, and Mr. Michel tried to fix it while I held stuff for them and Mark played corny background music and LOVE ACTUALLY, ZOMG. Finally, we gave up, and Mr. Michel gave us rides home, yay.

Overall, it was an enjoyable night.

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mood: stressed out
music: Ever Braver, Ever Stronger - Gordon Goodwin

I think that the reason I still blog even though I'm way more comfortable with telling my friends my thoughts is that when I tell them a lot of the things that I'd blog about before, they don't react in a particularly interested way. Hearing people analyze themselves isn't the greatest fun, I suppose.

In other news, I've never felt dumber in my entire life, I swear. I've never had to ask my friends for so much help on my homework. Even though I'm way less like...hating to ask for help than I used to be (you kinda get used to it after painfully wringing out the 500th plea for help), I feel so bad bothering them about my stupid questions. And then the fucked up child of my guilt + my hesitance to bother them leads to me not having enough courage to ask them for more help when I still don't get it.

Why am I taking two math classes? Physics is going to kill me. Amazingly, I like Calc better (right now, at least) for some bizarre reason, and I have like, a D in it right now. Yeah. I failed my quiz. 13/20. I almost cried in class. We have a test on Monday. I'm terrified. I'm so going to be dropped. Oh, how fantastic I will feel then. How smart I will feel.

Senior year was supposed to be fun. We were supposed to go out in blazes of glory.

Why do I feel like this is going to be one of my least favorite years of my life? I miss Junior year. You know, when my classes were actually doable, and it was okay to stay up until two-thirty reading fanfiction and then sleep in class. You know, when I felt on top of the world and had dances to look forward to and actually had time to do something other than struggle with homework. You know, when I actually liked my classes. Gov is boring and pointless, Physics is impossible, Calculus is too strenuous... In English, I can hardly speak up in discussions anymore because they're always dominated by the jock/slut corner (and Jayne and I were too busy to work on an uber presentation so we just got up there and winged it--it was horrible), and I liked studying technical literary device stuff better. Spanish class is fun, but the AP test sounds impossible. At least Orch is fun (it's great to know that a teacher likes you a lot--I haven't experienced this once since high school), even if I got a seat that I'm not exactly proud of.

Band is the one thing that's really great right now. I'm really glad I joined, now. Being able to wake up at 715 would be nice right about now, though.

I don't know what the HELL I'm going to do when apps come around. I should be looking up shit every day, now, but I just don't have the time.... God, I don't even have time to blog, and I have so much shit on my mind all the time.

When will the stress go away?! I'm dying slowly. And as the year goes on, the romantic endeavor seems more and more hopeless, and I feel lonely everytime I am reminded so.

At least Jayne and Mark are friends again. If I didn't have that, I think I would seriously just be in a bad mood all day, every day.

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ELAINE IS STRESSED OUT LIKE CRAZY.

HELP!

WAH.

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WTB Enchant for +5000 Intellect. Because I am a fucking DUMBASS!

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH I FEEL SO BAD

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISTELLED IRL

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mood: busy!
music: Ayo Technology - 50 Cent

she, she wants it
i've got to give it to her

i'm tired of using technology
i need you right in front of me

School started on September 6th--yuck.

0: Surprisingly enough, I've actually gotten accustomed to waking up at a time in the morning that I've gotten used to sleeping at. Waking up in the dark seems totally ordinary now. I think Mother is slowly dying, though. When Jess'd told Jayne that she would "maybe" join Marching Band, Mother'd been like "No! I am not waking up early for four years." Which was really mean and sad. I hope Jess'll be able to join regardless. I've enjoyed zero period a lot, even though we royally suck and don't work on the music enough; even though I do a shitload of physical work--and I am really weak--and am nearly almost always sweaty within the first half hour of arriving and by the end of the period; even though I'm constantly late to my classes despite the fact that I seem to always be one of the first people to arrive. Even with tons of things to complain about, it's really been great.

I thanked Jayne yesterday for convincing me to finally join Marching Band. It wasn't just her, though; the fact that so many people were so excited when I announced that I was considering joining was really heartwarming. It's given me a great chance to lead again, like in Orch. I mean, I'm just as new as most of them, but the difference between me and them is that I stepped up and worked hard to fulfill my role as a member of such a tremendous thing. And I love it. I get such a great high from taking charge that I have to keep telling myself to watch it and not overstep Jacky, because I mean, I have no title whatsoever. The other day, though, Jacky told me that I make a great leader and that if I were a junior, then I would be captain next year. Then she went on to list my qualities--that I'm loud, that I can read and play well (...heh), that I listen to directions, that I learn fast, and that I memorize better than her (haha, this is a little running joke between us; I like to make fun of her for ordering everyone to memorize the music when she herself hadn't memorized it--and I, fearful of consequences, had). It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me, and I know I'll remember it for a very long time. Mr. V's also been thanking me a lot, and he gave me a Via Vaquero. When I told Mark and Jayne this, they both pretty much said, "Oh, great, now you're going to whine when you don't get an award." LOL, I totally didn't expect them to know me that well. Damn. That's why I'm trying not to let it all go to my head, haha. Don't want to be having arrogant Elaine back, especially with all these "new" friends....

1A: Oh god, AP Gov is so boring. I don't even know what the hell he's teaching us. I sit at a table with Jayney, Alex, and Nandhu, who are awesome. We make a great table, haha. Sadly, neither we nor Kelly knew that Kelly was in the class with us, so she sits at the next table over. She still overhears all our conversations, and we still talk to her, though, so yeah. I still feel really bad, though. On the first day, Mr. Gray had us go around the room doing that thing where you have to like memorize everyone's name and what they say about themselves, blah blah, and I was like, "I'm Elaine, and I like turquoise," because I wear turquoise pretty much every day so I figured it be easier on him. It was interesting to see what everyone thought was the most interesting thing about themselves. Jayne broadcasted her WoW nerdom, and it was hilarious picking out who was really familiar with WoW because they called it "WoW" while the others called it "World of Warcraft," hahaha. And when it got to Kelly, she recited Jayne's race and class. It was so kickass! Mr. Gray recited it too, ahaha. Fun stuff.

At least my table's not boring. The other day, we spent like ten minutes talking about Rihanna because apparently Nandhu really likes her. And he wasn't even like, into her or anything. He just kept talking about how great she is and how "Umbrella" won a VMA or something. LOL. So hilarious. And then another day, Jayne, Alex, and I giggled at the image of an oboe playing jazz. It's nice to have people to keep me awake, ahaha. It's also nice to talk to guys. I really don't get my fill of conversation with the opposite sex. It's kinda really uncool. But I'm talking to guys more in Pit and stuff, too. Caleb and Sean are nice. Hao I'm not so into, but I'm still friendly to him. And, Joe, eh. Cool guy, but a little too cool, if you get my drift. He did say hi back yesterday, though, when I greeted him at lunch. It was pretty cool. And, well. He's definitely eyecandy, heh. ...It sounds really sad, but it's really cool saying hi to people around school who my friends don't know. Oh, but Andy and I are finally saying hi to one another! He even high-fived me the other day. ...Yeeeah, two years too late, hahaha. I still really regret not talking to him before, when he really wanted to talk to me. Which reminds me really randomly of the summer when Ocean messaged me on MySpace and was all like flirting and then asking me what I was into and stuff. It was pretty random. ...WTF, what a crazy tangent. Anyway.

1B: AP Literature. Wow, most fucked up class ever. We've got Kevin Tham, Tony and a bunch of jocks, all the really girly girls, and like five Feeg Squad members. Ah, fun stuff. At least it'll be an entertaining class. We're doing poetry responses this year, and Mr. Giuliano said that mine was "Wonderful". I'm glad to have him again. It's not very often that a teacher actually likes me. (Ahem two high school teachers ever ahem.) Apparently, (did I already blog about this?) when Joyce told him that I was in his class, he was all excited. Awww. How special.

2A: AP Spanish! Very quiet class--it's in alphabetical order, so there's like a corner of all us Asian girls, and we're like...the noisiest of the class, which is just weird. But the class is cool. Sra. Wexler only speaks Spanish during the class, so it's like...really cool that I actually understand what she's saying. Makes me feel smart. Also, it's nice that Amanda, Mag, and I sit close enough to one another to talk. It would be even awesomer if we were just next to each other, but diagonal isn't too bad. And it's cool talking to Yingfei and Janine and Jenny. My row won the game on the first day, yay!

2B: ...Calculus is going to be my demise. More about that later.

3A: Physics is going to kill me, too. I totally wasn't thinking straight when I signed up for classes.... Why on earth would I ever sign up for two mathy classes?! ARGH. I have a feeling I'm going to lower my GPA like crazy this year. And after all my hard work all these years, too! Thank god Jayne is in the class with me; you have to like have a partner, and without her, I would hate that class. Not that I love it or anything, bah. We took our first test already, and I'm terrified about getting the results of it. I'm really glad he doesn't grade the homework for accuracy/completion, or else I would seriously have NO chance of getting an A.

3B: Orch is great. Except for the fact that, you know, I got placed third stand of the Second Violins. It's actually really stupid, though, because I went on the first day, when I had forgotten my instrument and had only gotten the piece I auditioned on like...ten minutes previous from Mag at lunch. I only went because Mr. V seemed so sad that nobody was volunteering and stood at the front for like ten minutes begging people to volunteer. I guess that was stupid. I had to borrow Ashley's instrument, and I play way better on my own instrument, so poo. Also, Jayne's my stand partner. That's pretty neat, although suspicious; Mr. V totally loves her to death so he probably arranged it like that. She's a seat higher than me, though. She's only been playing for two years! I've been playing for half my life! But I dunno. Doesn't exactly make me feel great. I was third stand First Violins in sophomore year.... And I've gotten way better.... Mark says that I should challenge Jayne, if only for the hilarity of the idea. I would feel horrible whether I won or lose, though, so I mean... Argh, I dunno.

Trying not to dwell on it too much; at least we're relatively close to the back row crew. You know that great feeling you get when you're accepted into a group? They think of me as one of them, and this is really special somehow. The day we got our seating, Warren was like, "Elaine! What happened?!" because I didn't get seated in the back row. It was great.

4 A/B: Best part of senior year so far? No fourth periods! I get to leave at 1:45 every day. It is awesome. Also, Jayne, Mag, Di, Mark, and Kelly all also have open 4B, so hopefully this will bring about hanging out. I wish we all had it, though! But ah, Amanda and Erin had their opens last year already, haha.

The school year in general so far? So busy. I've never felt so hopeless in my classes, and I'd totally forgotten the feeling of being overwhelmed by schoolwork. I really want more free time. Weekends seem so brief and ultimately just too short. I'm so jealous of Mag and Mark. I wish I could drop Calc and Physics and add Percussion Ensemble. I have a feeling I'm not going to have a good time this year, if only because I don't have the fucking time to have a good time. Every day, I come home, sleep, and then wake up four hours later to do homework.

Lunch is great, though. Lunch is going to be one of the things I'm going to miss the most. The other day, Mark said, "since the Amphitheater is the center of your life," and I don't know if he meant it like really profoundly or if I was just supposed to take it at face value, but it made me realize that I'm really going to miss these people so, so much. It's hard--almost impossible--to imagine ever finding other people who'll measure up to them.

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mood: awake
music: You Make Me Better - Fabolous ft. Neyo

i'm a movement by myself
but i'm a force when we're together
i'm good all by myself
but baby, you make me better

Oh god, I am so behind. But I'm also really awake. At this really unholy hour of the day--eight-thirty on a Saturday. Insanity! After school, I slept for like five hours, woke up for like four hours, and then collapsed again for four hours. I don't get it. And now I can't sleep. So I figured, might as well blog! (If you can't tell, I'm ignoring the prospect of doing homework instead....)

Labor Day Barbecue! So Jayne and Mark came over, and yes, Jayne and Mark came over, as in, at the same time, in the same room. Mag and Di were horrified. But things went well, to say the least. I figured they'd gotten relatively fine during camp, so... Yeah, okay, I was still pretty fucking nervous. But we had a good time. Jayne came over earlier because her mom had pretty much kicked her out because her brother had said that he liked it better when Jayne wasn't home. ...How freaking depressing is that? I mean, it's one thing to think something like that (ahem), but it's another to say it, and another to like... Wow. Honestly, her mom never ceases to shock me. I am seriously terrified of her.

Anyway, Jayne I'd expected (free food and getting out of her house? Haha) to come, but I was surprised that Mark accepted the invitation. I'm still kind of surprised, haha. Not that I haven't talked about this a billion times, but we don't usually...hang out. So it was really nice of him to come over. Especially since over the summer, he'd told me why he'd been so eager to hang out with all his other friends while I didn't even see him once until band camp, which was mandatory--and a month and a half into summer. Something about how neither of us can drive, and that being with my friends is awkward. I didn't mention how none of us can drive either, and we still manage to hang out all the time. Or that I didn't expect him to hang out with my friends. Disneyland had even been planned as a "band kids" thing in the beginning. I'm not happy about it, but I appreciate that he told me, and he even apologized. That was sweet. It didn't do much for my insecurity about being the most uninteresting person on the planet, though. Hrm. I didn't tell anyone that, though. I still think it has to do with me. But that's okay, I guess. Ain't nothing I can do about it, so it's not worth dwelling on. And he did come over, so I mean, I dunno. It's fine to complain about every once in a while, but I refuse to let myself think on it too much.

So Jayne'd brought Di's laptop over, so we played WoW until Mark arrived, and then Jayne continued to play while Mark took over my comp. And I sat there creaming my panties at how civilly they were treating each other. ...Yeah, that sentence sounded a lot less weird in my head. After a while, we went downstairs to eat the shitload of food Mother had made, and Mark showed off his phone some more, hahaha. I swear he's going to have babies with it soon. I had to leave them alone for a little bit, and there was no carnage. I was in bliss. (The tasty food may have contributed.) After we were full, we went back to my room and Jayne Frostshocked some more mobs while Mark talked about Chinese for a billion hours. What's new? I love my friends.

Some time during the night, I looked at my walls and realized that my Cars poster was...upside down. Puzzled and wondering if I was hallucinating, I interrupted the conversation and said, "You guys are so weird." There was no response (the conversation just continued), so I just stared at the poster again in total confusion. Finally, I blurted out, "Why is my Cars poster upside down?" and they laughed and told me about how they'd done it while I'd gone to get cake for them, and how Mark had stood guard while Jayne had poked a billion holes through my wall trying to flip it upside down. ...LOL. It's still upside down right now--even though it looks ridiculous, I'm reluctant to fix it because it reminds me of the two of them and how much better they've gotten. And, well. That's really special to me.

We'd been eating cake when Jayne had proposed that we do Mark's hair. She'd been all sad when he said not that day, so he said that he promised to let her do it another day. She asked when the hell the he'd come over again so that could ever happen, and he said that whenever I invite him. Awwww. Kind of incongruous and confusing, but sweet nonetheless. Anyway, later, we amused ourselves by playing Cooking Mama, and then we dropped Jayne and Mark off. Mother insulted poor Mark by saying that his Chinese sounded very American. I was like, "Mom, stop it, you're hurting his feelings!" Haha. I had a good time. In the past six--oh...I guess it's nine now--months, this had been what I'd been missing. This was what I'd been whining and crying and wishing about. Mark said that there had never been a "three of us," but to me there was, and I'd loved it, and I'd missed that closeness immensely. I'll always remember that time we hung out at Culver Plaza, and Jayne did for him something that even I wasn't willing to do, and after he'd had to leave, Jayne and I had shared secrets, and that'd been the first time I'd ever told anyone about liking him. Of course, I'd posted that STUPID FUCKING ENTRY later that night, totally forgetting about the first part of our excursion, and I still cringe just thinking about that. I'll also always remember that the thing that had started it all--all the active conflict, anyway--had been Jayne getting upset at Mark for forgetting about the day we'd planned to hang out together. A day, which (to my surprise) he'd requested. Oh, the irony! But anyway. Yay for friendsy time!

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mood: so, so happy
music: Like I Love You - *NSYNC

There is so much to talk about everyday, but I hardly have any time to blog. No, I really don't have any time to blog at all. This makes me extremely sad. Hopefully I'll catch up this weekend....

So the Saturday before Labor Day, I went to Jayne's house (I felt sorry for her because she was home alone for the entire weekend) and played WoW a little on Di's laptop and then watched like the first half hour of High School Musical, which was pretty hilarious. Di called and begged to go out, so we went to see Balls of Fury, and I didn't really want to see it because I...don't really like pointless comedies like that, but Di wanted to treat us, and Jayne wanted to see the movie, and I figured I might as well spend as much time with friends as possible before the stress of school took over our lives.

So we went to Spectrum and saw Jeff there! Like working. But he was just leaving the counter, so Jayne chased after him to give him a hug and then he asked her what we were watching and pretty much invited himself to watch it with us. Diana and Jayne spent the whole time trying to set up a seat order to see if he really liked me like Diana was convinced that he did. So it was like me, Di, and then Jayne, with an extra seat at the edge. He came in and at first sat in the extra seat, but then Jayne weirded him out, I guess, since she was like huddling with him in fear at the Resident Evil trailer. Was it Resident Evil? It was something like that. Anyway, he ended up moving to sit next to me, and Di and Jayne spent the half of the movie giggling, haha. Sometimes, I really I love how immature we are, heh. Jeff and I had a fun time discussing the girls in the movie and how attractive (or not attractive) they were. There was this awesome moment towards the beginning when I'd squealed, "Ooh, she's cute!" while pointing at this random Asian extra, and at the exact moment, Jeff'd said, "She's hot!" I totally high-fived him. It was hilarious. Then, there was that funny awkward moment when I reached over to have some more of the Pringles he'd brought, and the can was like...between his legs, and I just...reached in there, LOL. He was all awkwardly, "Umm, okaaaaay," and Di was like, "Whoaaaa!" and I was just like...nervous giggle, "Sorry!" Fun stuff.

After the movie, we wandered around for a long time trying to decide what to eat (most of the restaurants were totally flooded with people). Eventually, we settled on Corner Bakery, which was yummylicious. We ordered a bunch of tasty sandwiches and soups and pastas and then had a great dinner conversation. It's one of those great conversations that have like, a really diverse topic range. We talked about divorce and parents and family and stuff for a while, which was really interesting, but we also just had a lot of fun. It was great. I think Jayne slept over, but sadly, Di was too tired and had to go home. Later that night, Jeff IMed me with some blatantly sexual flirting, and I was a little...disappointed, I suppose. I'd had some bizarre notion that he was actually interested in me. But that's okay; it wouldn't feel right to betray my romantic endeavor anyway. Although he did ask me to the movies to finish Balls of Fury, which he'd had to leave in the middle of (his break had ended). I don't remember ever being asked to the movies by a guy, so I guess that's another first down the drain.

The Sunday after that, I went with Kelly, Mag, and Jayne to an Angels game. Sadly, we didn't tailgate because it was too hot. Dude, that heat wave was freaking intense. My poor ass was sweating terribly in the seat. It was pretty unpleasant. We got these like...super high seats, and I was totally freaked out half the time. I helped to pay as much as I could for a frozen lemonade; yummy! I had fun making it all beautiful while Mag and Kelly just dug totally uncivilly out of theirs. After the fifth inning, we went back to Kelly's and Wendy made a delicious dinner for us! Hot dogs and a bunch of delicious dips (the onion dip was so amazingly delicious, OMG! ...And now I want some....); there was also chili, but I don't eat chili, so...haha. Anyway, yum! We had some pretty funny dinner conversations, and especially funny was the moment in which Jayne called Sara a stupid whore or something equally as derogative, and Sara replied calmly, "Well, that's not a very nice thing to say," and we burst out laughing, because it was the exact same thing that Kelly always says when Jayne calls her a name. Fun times. After dinner, we hung around in the work room, playing N64 (OMG, archaic game systems are way too amusing) and sharing pics and just talking and stuff. I actually fell asleep on the floor, heh. I was pretty tired; it was pro'lly the heat.

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I can't believe it's the third day of school and I'm already stressing out over classes, friends, and other personal issues and overloaded with homework.

I'm going to get three hours of sleep tonight. And that's if I don't finish my homework and leave it to do at break tomorrow.

This is Not Going To Work Out.

What happened to a relaxing Senior year?

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We all get lonely sometimes. Some of us more than others.

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Sometimes having a blissful life is great, but other times, constantly worrying about other people's problems gets extremely tedious.

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mood: relaxed
music: Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers

The disrepancies that come with delayed blog entries are bothering me like crazy! Poo. And school's probably just gonna make it worse!

So Band Camp was a lot of fun. Exhausting and exasperating and way too freaking hot, but definitely enjoyable. Yumi is very nice, and I felt damn sorry for her the entire time, haha. It must've been really frustrating teaching a class in which almost everyone is new. As usual, I was a bit of a loner in the beginning, despite knowing Jacky, but eventually I found a group--Jacky, Amy, and Anu are very nice. And Anu is hella funny. Anyway, while Pit didn't have to march in the blazing sun, we did have to lug out and put back heavy equipment at least four times a day, and we didn't get to stay under the air conditioning either. We also stood all day while the rest of the band got to spend half of the day sitting down. So I was exhausted in my own way. It was fun, though. The mallet instruments are fun to play, even though my left wrist has issues with relaxing (I've always had this problem with piano, too ). So we learned our three songs and a bunch of exercises and, well, I think a big part of band camp was just getting to know each other. 'Cause by the time zero period on Thursday rolled around, we all knew each other's names and pretty much what we were all like, and well, to work as a section, there's gotta be that, ya know?

Of course, with getting to know people comes grievances and dislike. Since all my shit about hating people collectively, I've hated grouping people together in categories, but sometimes... Sigh. The fobs play fine, but they sure get lazy. Jacky had to scold them several times about not helping to clean up or cleaning up stupidly, like having four people help to wheel out a marimba, which merely one person can handle. I didn't really like how the guys messed around a lot, too. Jacky is a little too nice to be section leader, but she's doing okay. She seems to really enjoy having me in the section, which makes me happy. I do my best to help in every way that I can; I try to take charge when nobody is doing anything. I have no rank, but hell, somebody's got to step up. Honestly, I feel like second-in-command sometimes, and I hope it doesn't go to my head. A few of the freshmen kept asking me all these questions about the instruments as if I had authority, and I had to embarassedly tell them that I had no idea how to answer their questions, haha.

Laura and Olivia are very, very Korean and like to converse a lot, but they did stay in for lunch to practice this one day of camp, which I thought was admirable and shows that they want to sound good (even though Yumi had requested it, they could've just left or something, but they didn't). Joanne tried out for section leader with Jacky and seems to be experienced, though she hardly ever says a word. Her sister Gina is totally spacey and out of it--I'm not sure if she's just like that or if she just can't understand English very well. Hao is kind of weird and claims to be some super bass player, even though he refuses to join Orch because basses provide the background for that; he's only in Pit to audition for Jazz. Caleb told me the other day that he's a hardcore drummer, which is interesting; he's not a bad musician, but he's kind of just...freshman boy-ish, so totally immature, kinda. Nice kid, though; I got to talk to him a bit during the game on Friday. Amy is nice and quiet and so damn tan, and we're cool 'cause I know her from Orch; she's pretty helpful. Joe is just...Joe; I know him from Orch, too. And Sean is like the only sophomore, and I also know him from Orch, and he's actually pretty helpful when he wants to be, and he seems like a pretty cool guy...like not the type that would pick up offensive slang. [cough] Poor kid has to wake up at 530 to walk to school for zero.

Anyway, Yumi put me on auxiliary for "Since I Fell For You", the bells (glockenspiel is so much more fun to say) for "The Summer Knows", and the marimba for "Spain". Fun stuff. I do love music; I really, really do. Only disappointing part of Band Camp was how little we got to play with the rest of the band, because I think we really need to, especially since like... Now during zero period, we keep falling apart when we have to play with the band, even though we're better than that when we play with only ourselves. (Well, that sounded rather sexual.) Ah, well, I guess. Practice makes perfect.

Had lunch with Jayne and Erin the whole week (met up with the other Amphitheater Kids on registration day, though we had to leave pretty quickly); Mark joined us a few times, along with Alex. Definitely had a good time. I wouldn't say that I bring the life to the party (well, to be honest, I wouldn't say that I bring the only life to the party), but I do bring something, and that's a great feeling. I have to say, though, I haven't had so much Wendy's in a week ever since I was a little kid. But cheap is good. ) We hung out at Erin's a few times, which is always fun. I think I collapsed half the time.... Mark even came one afternoon (Gilda came for a bit, too), and Mr. Michel made us burgers and hot dogs! So yummy. I was kind of nervous about the whole Jayne-and-Mark hanging out in the same group kind of thing, but they got along all right. There were some complaints, but overall, we had a good time. Oh, and of course there was SSBM funness. Mark and I even got to hold some conversation alone, which is always something new, somehow, and pleasantly surprising. What I learned? Mark is seriously a dork about his obsession with Chinese. Nah, he taught me some interesting things. Mr. Michel and Kelli showed me a bunch of pictures, too, and told me about NASCAR and stuff. Pretty cool.

The Mark and Jayne thing? Yeah, I'd been dreading the awkwardness that would accompany Band Camp, but things seem to have gotten way better. The first few times I saw them talking (strictly section-leader/Drum Major related stuff, of cousre), I wanted to cry at what used to be so there and now felt totally lacking, eventually I realized that as usual, I'd been worrying too much. They haven't really said anything about each other to me, and whether that that's out of guilt due to my harping or genuine that's-so-last-year I have no clue, but I'm...immensely thankful. Maybe all those wishes during Lent and at Disneyland and all the other ones--maybe they weren't for nothing. I guess it would be too much to ask for to have the three of us again, even if Mark claims that there was never a three of us at all. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's not. But in my heart, there always will be a three of us. And I guess that's what's important, not what Mark remembers, or what Jayne remembers, or what Diana remembers. Jayne says she'll still come to his concerts with me; I'm thankful for that, too. Maybe Erin will come, too. I guess I should start typing up my uber epic story about the two of them, even though it's unfinished because I don't feel like delving into such depressing topics when everything seems to be going so nicely lately.

One memorable moment: Jayne was driving us home this one time in Beth's car, and was complaining about how Mark'd been all hesitant about being driven home by her. She's always been really offended about how people are quick to judge her as a reckless driver and how nobody has any faith in her driving abilities, even though she is a good driver, so that pissed her off a lot. I quelled her temporarily--she's always been just as quick as everyone else to ridicule me for being a totally terrible driver, even though only Diana has ever seen me drive, so she had no right to complain. Anyway, that's not the important part. Beth was trying to calm her down, and after Jayne grudgingly gave in, she was like... "Elaine, you've got to get to the bottom of this thing between the two of them!" And then I spent a full five minutes whining about it, hahaha. I felt silly afterwards.

I have no brainpower left for a good conclusion sentence, so you get some crappy ones: Damn it, Jayne (and everyone else) was so right. I guess all that worrying about band was for nothing. I'm having a great time.

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mood: clean!
music: Tiny Vessels - Death Cab for Cutie

yeah, she is beautiful
but she doesn't mean a thing to me

So, Mag's party! It was on like, the 18th. I really don't remember the days between that and Disneyland.... I seriously went out on random outings way too much this summer, hahaha. But it's all good--I had a ton of fun. Or, well. I think I did. I don't remember half the events; they were just so spontaneous and frequent that they juts blend into one another!

But anyway, yeah, Mag had her housewarming party, which I dubbed her really, really belated (as in nine months, LOL) birthday party. So we drove Jayne to Mag's new house, which is pretty awesome. So cute! Brought donuts and Mag's mom was all appreciative; it was nice. We split up into two cars and headed for the Spectrum; I was in the most random cars ever--it was great. I got to talk to Mag's mom a bit, which was nice, too. I haven't really seen her in a long, long time. I feel like I see Beth and Mr. Michel and Nina and Wendy and Dale so often that I'm neglecting everyone else's parents somehow! Or even just like Ty, Kelly's dad, who I've only met once, but who seemed like a really awesome guy who'd be fun to talk to. Well. I think I'd attribute it to my relationship with Beth, but seriously, over my junior year, I got so much closer to and more comfortable with everyone's parents. I mean, gosh, just thinking about how far Mr. Michel and I have come... I used to be scared shitless of him! And now I'm totally comfortable laughing and joking with him, and even his teasing me about my romantic endeavor isn't like, awkward at all. It's great. ...Anyway.

We had dinner at CPK first, yum! Instead of getting the ravioli I usually get, I opted to have the spaghettini thingy Di and Jayne and I'd gotten that time we'd gone there. I was craving the chicken, which is weird. For once, Jayne got her own dish, haha. Mag paid for most of the meal, but we all chipped in a bit to help her with the tip and stuff. Oh, about that. I'm dirt broke, but Mother and Father gave me some talk about how the only reason they don't give me money for food and going out and school events and stuff is because they want to teach me the value of money, and I'm like...Norly? They got all on my ass because I've "borrowed" Diana's money over and over again. I'd forgotten how anal my parents are about keeping a "clean record" and never ever borrowing/lending any money to risk destroying that clean record. I'm trying not to anymore, but it's hard not having cash on me and then everyone wanting to hang out all the time and then Jayne has extremely negative money and then complains a lot when she's hungry and stuff so I always pity her and pay for her stuff and I just hate myself so fucking much for not working this summer. What the hell is wrong with me? Everyone else was working. Everyone else has money to spend during the school year. What do I have? I have three fucking dollars stashed in a drawer. Ugh, hate myself. Anyway, for band camp, she gave me some money for food, so I think she might let me have some money now, but... I dunno, she and Father keep saying, "If you need money, don't ever borrow it from someone. Ask us, okay?" and it's like... Gosh, I don't want to ask them.... I always feel bad taking lunch money from Mother. Why? I don't even know anymore.

...Anyway, dinner was fun. Afterwards, we shopped at Pacsun for a little bit and Jayne bought a bikini bottom (and made me hold it for her because she was embarassed about it, LOL; what a boy), but then Kelly made us go back like...half an hour before the movie, LOL. And it's not even a new movie. We all grumbled but obeyed Kelly Almighty. So we saw Hairspray, which was cute. I'm totally not into Zac Efron, but dayum, he was hot in that. I have this thing for that era's standard of attractiveness... As in, guys with perfect smiles who use hairgel liberally are extremely sexy. But they don't really make 'em like that anymore. Oh, well! I also used to have this totally embarassing thing for Amanda Bynes. Please don't ridicule me. As I was telling everyone this, I realized that I seriously have some fucked up thing for like...teen stars. Which is totally embarassing. But oh well. Kelly'll probably approve more, LOL. She's always freaking out about age differences. Eh, fuck age. Screw all barriers. Love is love. There was a hilarious moment in which Jayne just burst out, "He's so hot!" in the middle of the theater. I love my friends.

After the movie, we went to random Spectrum stores and chatted amongst ourselves. They left Jayne, Amanda, Erin, and me at Barnes while they went to H&M for Kristine (I had no money so I wasn't that interested; I do love trying things on, but I hate like...falling in love with something and not being able to purchase it, because I get really, really sad). Jayne and I checked the WoW Dungeon Guide while Amanda looked at travel books and Erin looked at manga, LOL. I felt sorry for Amanda and took her to the magazine section, where we amused ourselves with the fact that Zac Efron was on every fucking magazine in the "Women's Interest" section, hahaha. And we ended up seeing Kelli and Mr. Michel there! How trippy, haha.

At eleven, we all met up again and waited to be picked up at B&N's back entrance, where we took about a billion pictures. Aw, my favorite group activity. Sadly, Kristine had to leave, and after we got to Mag's house, Tiffany left, too, poo. We said goodbye and then set up some music from my iPod and Kelly and I did crunches/situps to it while everyone else made a Mii and took turns talking to Di on the phone, haha. Mag's parents dragged out a bunch of random mattress pad thingies and there was this inflatable mattress and Mag like...put her mouth to it and tried to blow air into it, HAHA. It was hilarious. Her parents were like WTF and took out a pump thing, ahahaha. After a while, I asked Mag if she had any board games, and we decided to play Life. I love board games so much. We had a ton of fun; I love us. Since we had too many people and not enough little car thingies, we decided that Jayne's car would be a house, turned upside down, HAHA. It was hilarious. We had a fun time naming each other's children and husbands. Awesomely, Jayne and I ended up not having children, even though Jayne had to pay to furnish a baby room, hee. God, we're all so juvenile sometimes, but I love it so much. Fuck parties with alcohol and jacuzzi sex--partying like sixth graders is seriously much more fun.

After the game, we set up our respective sleeping areas and changed and stuff and Mag was...a total idiot for about half an hour, singing stuff from...Sesame Street? We got it on video; good stuff, hehe. Manah manah! Then, I fell asleep for like half an hour while they were total dorks and acted out some Potter Pals episodes. Sooooooo behind the times! Ah well. It was cute to see them all...bonded over it the next day, haha. Kelly prompted us to have "Secret Time", and some pretty damn amusing secrets were shared. I was pretty sad that I didn't have anything to say, though. I was seriously racking my brain, but... I guess Mark's right; I do tell everyone everything, haha. I suppose one could say that I'm pretty much an open book to my friends--to everyone else... Good luck, heh. Well. I wouldn't say I have no secrets, but they're just... Not the kind of thing you'd share with friends whom you know are homophobic. Anyway.

We eventually slept and eventually woke up and decided to go to the pool. Had a nice breakfast and then Mag's parents drove us to the pool, which is too far to walk to, sadly. It was cloudy, but we got into the pool anyway and had a good time. You know, until there was like, a thunderstorm. And Mag's house is like...up in the mountains. And we were in a pool. I don't remember who brought up the electrocution thing, but she scared me to death and I scurried out after ten minutes of indecisiveness. Everyone else eventually got out, decided it was too cold, and flocked to the jacuzzi, which totally defeated the point of avoiding water... Then, we dried off around a fire that wouldn't turn on and just chilled until we got picked up at like 1230. Yay for a fun weekend. Too bad we didn't get to get lunch, though! I was starving. ...And penniless. Never mind.


Movie theater lighting is so cool!


Aw, I love this pic of us!


Barnes & Noble lighting is pretty kickass, too.








My eyebrows are a mystery of mankind.


I liked the alternating colors.








Look at my actually-there butt!


I love this one!





Yay!

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mood: relatively satisfied
music: Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna

I did something on Monday the 13th--movies with Jayne and Di--but I honestly can't remember what movie we saw. I also don't remember if we did anything else: this is very irritating.

But I do know that on Tuesday, we took our uber trip to Disneyland--the one that we'd been planning since summer had begun (because for some reason, we'd decided to only go once, and we--ahem, Kelly --had decided taht it needed to be planned two months beforehand, haha). It was acutally the trip on which Mark and Kelli were supposed to come with us--we'd even plannned it so that Jayne wouldn't be there to prevent awkwardness for the two of them--but unfortunately, Mark didn't seem too enthusiastic about it, so I told Kelly to just stop planning it around him and that we'd just figure it out and see if he'd be able to come. Sadly, he had plans on that day, so he wasn't able to come. Aww, what a shame; it would've been so cool to be a twelve-person party! Yep, we had ten people. It was awesome. All the Amphitheater Kids went, including Kristine!, and Sara and Tiffany came, too! Kristine and Tiffany also bought Annual Passes! OMG! That means that every one of us seriously has a freaking pass. How awesome is that? Another excuse to go all the time! I seriously never tire of that place; it's amazing.

So I ended up driving Di and Jayne to the park, and we were extremely late. We got lost like five times before finding the damn drop-off lot. Whoops. Ah well! So we hit Astro Blasters (twice?) and Haunted Mansion/Pirates (we split randomly) and Matterhorn and Thunder Railroad and Indiana Jones and Space Mountain and and and PINEAPPLE WHIP. Mmmm, I swear that's one of my favorite foods now! Immense thanks to Amanda for introducing me to it! We got two tables for lunch; that's always fun, sitting randomly and having a great time no matter where we sit. I sat with Kristine, Erin, Jayne, and Maggie? I think. We had a good time. And at the other park, we did "Mulla Mulla" (as Mag dubbed Muholland Madness, heh) and Soarin', the Orange Stinger, the Rapids, Screamin', and (half of us did) Tower of Terror.

In the line for Soarin', the attendant guy asked us how many people we had in our party, and we were like, "Ten!" and he was like, "...Ten?" It was hilarious. I guess they get way more families than huge groups. Fun stuff, heh. We even had to split up for the rapids (into a group of four and a group of six, yay! I'm such a genius)! Usually the problem is getting a random one-person rider, not having to split up! But yeah, we all had a great time. It was pretty cool that everyone always had someone to talk to, and it was just...a great feeling, being part of this great circle of friends--this great circle of friends with people who are so different. We had some interesting conversations, that's for sure! There was this hilarious moment that I'll remember for a long time during dinner: Diana was like, "Stop hitting on Tiffany, Jayne!" and Jayne was like, "What? I'm not hitting on her! I'm only into sluts!" or something like that, and like... I swear, every head at the table twisted to look at me, LOL. I laughed so hard. It was a great moment--not just funny, but somehow heartwarming at the same time. It was just like...my friends were acknowledging what Jayne and I had, ya know? It was just a really good feeling somehow. I love cohesive moments like that.

It was the first Disneyland trip we'd taken without Duy for a long time, so that was interesting. His absence wasn't felt too keenly though; I have to say it was nice to like be able to sit next to Amanda on rides and like have her be actively a part of coversations with us and stuff. She's still sifting through boys like...I dunno, but I wish her good luck with her endeavors. (I just realized that if you add up all the times I've been into my current romantic interest, it probably beats Michael by a mile. Now that's something to ponder.) Anyway, it was definitely a fun day!

Pictures!


Matterhorn!


I love this picture so much! It's so Diana-and-Kristine, haha.


:D


Sexy, sexy me on sexy, sexy Lightning. Yay!






Our humongous, awesome party, minus Kristine, who was insistent on taking the pic. Poopoo.






I love this, in a totally irrational way.






Hello, I'm a dork and I love it.


The three pervs! What am I doing?


Aawww, this is so cute.


Ten! I can count.








OMG, it's Optimus Prime! So I saw the car with the flames on the blue, and I was like, OMG, we have to get it! It's fricking Optimus Prime! But by the time our car came along, it was just some random other one, and we groaned loudly. The attendants heard us and let us ride in Optimus, who was one car behind the car we were supposed to get into. How nice is that! Disneyland employees are awesome.

Okay, time to sleep, or else Mark will yell at me and refuse to talk to me for another day.

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