Now for something completely different! I lost half of my Disneyland entry, and I don't feel like working on a massive blog thingy right now, so I'm gonna move on. Shock. I know.

So there was a Pat n' Oscars event for CSF, and it ended up (sadly) that only Kelly, Jayne, and I could go. We had fun anyway, but it was the mild type of fun. It was nice. I've missed having the three of us hang out and talk a lot (last year we had a lot of classes together). So Jayne came over after school, Wendy picked us up with Kelly and Sara, and we...ate! The food was yummylicious as usual. Wendy insisted on paying for it, telling me to keep my money for college. LOL. The scary thing is that she actually had a point! Eek. Jayne took a pic of Kelly and me on my cell phone and it's my wallpaper. It makes me smile whenever I look at it. And not in a creepy way, either.

Oh, Mark had called earlier that day when Jayne was over (I talked to him on the phone while Jayne talked to Diana on the phone, hahaha), and I greeted him with my usual (upon seeing Mark > Cell on the incoming call screen, haha) bewildered, "Hello?" and he asked why I always said hello like that. I answered it was because it was always such a surprise when he called me, and he told me that that shouldn't be true because he calls me most out of all his friends. ...It's ridiculous how happy this made me, because, well. Mark and I have always been more like...Internet-based friends (well, not anymore, though, which is a topic I'll save for another day), and it always made me a little sad and jealous (I am Elaine, after all) whenever he talked about calling his other friends because he never did me. But... Even if it's not true, it was still really nice of him to say. So yay.

Okay. Time to tuck in. I'm going to get at least four hours of sleep tonight! How exotic and exciting.

Oh, and I HAVE NO HOMEWORK TOMORROW! OMG! It's ridiculous, how excited I am. ...I'm going to end up doing Calc HW and college essays, watch, haha. But that's okay. NO HOMEWORK!

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His anger against her found vent in coarse railing at her paramour, whose name and voice and features offended his baffled pride: a priested peasant, with a brother a policeman in Dublin and a brother a potboy in Moycullen. To him she would unveil her soul's shy nakedness, to one who was but schooled in the discharging of a formal rite rather than to him, a a priest of eternal imagination, transmuting the daily bread of experience into the radiant body of everliving life.
- A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce

Seriously, this book has great passages. Fight the man! The man, as in all the supposedly smart people at school who totally don't appreciate this book!

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mood: relaxed, for the first time in a while
music: Showdown - Britney Spears

My Halloween costume is going to be so kickass! (As usual. Honestly, I really do have one of the best costumes every year; everyone else is always so...boring, except for the really great ones. Diana's definitely a master, too, although I take pride in the fact that she purchases all of hers for ridiculous prices and I just put together stuff.) I'm finally doing Phantom of the Opera, after years of wanting to. Yep, I've got the mask, the cape, the sword, the shiny black man-shoes (yay, Marching Band!), the bowtie, and even the rose. I look friggin' awesome.

I realized today, as I was assembling the costume, that I have a serious tendency to...masquerade as a guy. I mean, I'm not Jayne, who cross-dresses every day (haha), but I don't remember the last time I chose a girly costume. Going backwards, it's been--police officer, Oompa Loompa, magician, a Rare Hunter from Yu-Gi-Oh!, cowboy... LOL. Man, it's pretty obvious that I'm a lipstick, but I definitely lean towards random butch things... GOD, I LOVE TIES. I think I have five, plus two (albeit fake) bowties.

I'm thinking I should fuck up my face (Di gave me Halloween makeup crayons that she never got to use for Homecoming) under my mask? Not sure yet.

So I'm having a Halloween party on Wednesday. I'm sad that Erin'll have to either not come, or come really early and leave; she has band practice stuff. This weekend, Kelly admitted that she doesn't want to trick-or-treat. Hrm. I figure if she doesn't want to, then she can just come for the food part of the party and leave when we go trick-or-treating. It sounds mean, I guess, but I want to trick-or-treat, haha. And I believe the other people do, too. But I guess we'll see. I dunno, dressing up and then coming over to just like...eat and play video games seems a little anticlimatic. But aw man, I forgot Mag said that she probably couldn't come either, because she has to study for Gov. Rawr! Hopefully she'll be able to come for a little bit, at least. Man, I remember the days when nothing mattered more than going out there and taking people's candy...

The popular kids had their Halloween party on Saturday. Hrm. I dunno, I scorn that! But I guess it was the smart thing to do. Although, I wouldn't have been able to anyway, since Mother's party was yesterday. Okay, good, I feel better. I just hope that this year won't be a bust. I still think it's really sad that my sister--my little sister, four years younger than me--stopped trick-or-treating like three years ago.

P.S. Note to self: I need to buy black gloves and then figure out a way to cut my mask, if possible.

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Sometimes, the reason that I love my friends is that they're nothing like me.

Today is a profound day, dontcha think!

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Perchance I have talked myself out of wanting to drop my classes.

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It makes me really sad, how selfish every human being is at heart.

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mood: overloaded with work
music: Fog Bound - Pirates of the Caribbean

So I just filled out the majority of my UC application (the...not-essay part, anyway), and I have to admit, I had...fun doing it. Seriously, this kind of mindless thing is totally the kind of break I've needed, hahaha. ...Yeah, I know I'm going to hate it after a while. But I feel so accomplished! Which is a vast improvement from how I've been feeling lately--not accomplished at all.

I think I have three C's and two B's. Oh, and my Orchestra A. Like, actually. I got a D on my Gov test, a D on my Physics test, and an F on my Calculus test.

...

You know, I really regret complaining about those B's I was getting...

It's so bad that Mr. Giuliano asked to see me the other day. He was like, "I just wanted to know if there's something going on with you, because I've noticed that your work isn't up to par; it's not what I expect from you." And I explained that I just have too much work from too many classes, and it's just all piling up, and I'm just really, really stressed out and tired of it all. He kept asking me if there was anything he could do to help. It was really sweet. And he said that he had like, expected my poetry responses to be like...super awesome, because I'm "so good at words". ...I was totally confused as to where he had gotten that idea, but apparently Jayne has said something before. I could only say, "Yeah, I know they've been really skimpy; I just don't have time for anything anymore," and "Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just haven't been able to do well at all this year". (Haha, the truth about the poetry response thing is that I'm terrible at comprehending/analyzing poems; I love to read/hear analyses of them, but I can't do them for shit.) It's a good feeling, knowing that a teacher cares about me enough to notice that there's something wrong with me, and then to go one step further and ask me if they can do anything to help me. It...doesn't really happen to me; I've been pretty much invisible to teachers for my entire high school careers. I'm pleased when a teacher recognizes me at all, and when they remember my name, it's like...shocking, haha. That's my fault, I know; I'm not complaining. But it was a good feeling, knowing that a teacher really likes and cares about me.

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Dude, it's freaking raining ashes again. These wildfires are crazy; this is probably the worst we've had in a while. What's the weather like outside? FIERY. And smoky. Living in Southern California can sometimes feel like living inside a barbecue. Or maybe an ashtray. When the fires started spreading yesterday, the entire house smelled like smoked ham. It was a really good smell until it lasted for like...hours. Then it was just overkill.

It's scary because this is the closest it's ever gotten to us; there are fires actually going on in like...this city. A lot of Northwood people had to evacuate their houses and the high school was closed today. Eep! It was hard to breathe walking around outside today, and we ate inside the FL building instead of in the Amphitheater, gasp gasp. I think I prefer rainy days to...smoky days.

I got my progress report, and it's quite possibly the ugliest progress report card I've gotten in my life. It just has two B's on it. Nothing else. Just two B's. But it does have something special--Mr. V didn't give me a grade for String Orch, but he did put that I'm a "Pleasure to Have in Class" (not so special) and...he also put "Shows Strong Leadership Abilities".

...

Strong Leadership Abilities!

I've waited my entire life for someone to say that about me. I am so fucking proud of myself. I do believe that this is the Elaine I've always dreamed of being.

Although apparently I'm a lot more pissy and bitchy nowadays. Jayne keeps saying that I'm really mad at her all the time, but I dunno, I don't feel like I'm annoyed by her at all, so... During the summer, Di did say that I've gotten a lot bitchier/grumpier/more cynical, which was really jarring, because I hadn't registered any change happening at all, except that certain people were exasperating me more than usual, but I thought it was them changing, not me. And then yesterday Mark said that it was just me finally growing a personality and that I only seem bitchier because I bitch about stuff more (that I would've just kept inside in the past), which I guess makes a lot of sense. Oh, well. If I've become bitchier, than so be it. I'm enjoying life a lot more this way, not keeping everything bottled inside. It's kinda nice complaining to my friends--except when I do it excessively and feel really paranoid about annoying them.

In other news, we're reading James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, and while the plot (or lack thereof) is totally confusing, Mr. Giuliano is definitely right in saying that the language he uses is beautiful. I've found some of the most fantastical lines, like

He knelt to say his penance, praying in a corner of the dark name: and his prayers ascended to heaven from his purified heart like perfume streaming upwards from a heart of white rose.

His soul sickened at the thought of a torpid snaky life feeding itself out of the tender marrow of his life and fattening upon the slime of lust.

In the wide land under a tender lucid evening sky, a cloud drifting westward amid a pale green sea of heaven, they stood together, children that had erred.

among other lines!

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mood: still nervous
music: These Hard Times - Matchbox Twenty

Speedblogging!

UNI GAME! OMG, best game ever. Mr. V was pissed, Mark was annoyed, Jayne was traumatized, and everyone was apparently totally out of control but, man, I'm sorry, but I had a really good time. Since it was an away game and we were supposed to wear white so we could "white-out" Uni (I still don't really get the concept, but it was cool seeing white everywhere), so since I love dressing up for these spirit thingies, I wore my band shirt over two layers of turquoise over white bermudas (that I cut myself, mwahaha.)

Got our toys and got in the stands and dude. I got my section dancing. Like full on dancing. I made them do "Poison", and they turned to me and were all like, "OMG, this is so fun!" and I was like so proud of them I could've burst into tears. But I didn't. BUT OMG, SO PROUD AND SO HAPPY. But dude, they danced everything. And they were all laughing and having a great time, and I was just like... God, I don't care what other people say about us, we're fucking awesome, because even if we're the Pit That Really Sucks, at least we're also the Pit That Has Fun instead of just being boring Asians! It was pretty freaking kickass. And how awesome is it that it was me--not anyone else, but ME that got them to dance and have a good time? I swore to Jacky that I'd have the section dancing by the end of the season, and mannn, I actually accomplished it. I know it seems ridiculous, but I am seriously so freaking happy about that.

And during third quarter, we got our break, yay! It was like, the first time I'd gotten it all year, hahaha, since we usually spend the entire time putting the instruments and cart away. It was great hanging out with Mark and Jayne and Erin and Kelli and Jason; I've missed it a lot. And Jason and I got to talk a little by ourselves, and he entrusted me with a secret, and I felt very honored.

Unfortunately, the game didn't end well. When we met in the amphitheater, Mr. V gave us a lecture about our "disgusting" behavior and just...walked out on us, totally pissed. It was scary. Mr. V is like...the farthest thing from an angry teacher, so...meep. And at the end of the fourth quarter, Alexa had had another seizure, so a lot of people were really distraught. Jayne even ran all the way to the fire station to get help, and when she came back to the band room, she was crying. She came to me and I held her, but I was totally confused as to what she was upset about; all I knew was that it had to be somehow related to her Keyton because she kept playing with the key charm that we'd given her. She later said that she'd freaked out because the feeling of not knowing what to do and not being able to help Alexa had reminded her of how it'd felt when her stepmom had had to go to the hospital way earlier than her due date. At least Mr. V and Mrs. V offered to drive her home, which probably brightened things up a little.

After we watched Jayne leave, Mr. Michel, Kelli, Erin, Mark, and I piled up into Mr. Michel's car and decided to hang out. We stopped at Ralphs to get some ice cream and laughed at Mark's hilarious stories--including one about how he was once really mad because he fell into bushes, got a scar (ETA: Mark says that there were multiple scars, LMAO), and then it...faded away. LOL. Then we picked Jayne up (I invited her because I figured we'd be able to at least cheer her up a little) and headed to the Michels' house.

Talked about band and Alexa and my...not getting stuff done habit, ate some yummy ice cream, and played Super Smash. Yay! There was some intense conversation, but overall we all had a good time. Sadly, Mark's mom wanted him home, so we left at 1, which was probably a good thing regarding Mother anyway.


LOL. This is so an inaccurate representation of how much fun we were having, but...LOL. I'm awesome. And ridiculously enthusiastic.




Dude, how much of a whore do I look here? Mr. Michel's camera whorified (haha, horrified!) me! I swear I was so not wearing dark lipstick. I like this one a lot, though! But it's too bad Mark and Erin and Kelli aren't actually in the picture; I want one of the six of us!

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mood: nervous
music: Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna

The Thursday after that, I stayed after school to help Mark record stuff for his college application. Well, no, I really didn't do anything; Jayne was recording and I was just sitting there watching Mark play/sing, haha. But it was nice, both watching Mark be the amazing musician that he is and just hanging out with the two of them. Mark showed off his uber improvisation skillz and we just sat and talked and Jayne learned a few measures of Clair de Lune and it was just random fun. I was sad when I had to leave to go to my sectional--well, actually, I had to run home to get my clothes for the concert later that night, haha. I was like...forty-five minutes late for the sectional, but I'd gotten permission from Jacky to get my stuff. And when I arrived, they were still warming up. Yumi is psychotic about warm-up exercises.

The Sectional was...interesting. We worked on the cut time part of Spain for like...an hour, haha, and Erin, who came into the room halfway in to unpack for her own sectional, said that we still hadn't gotten it. Apparently I was really off, which made me really sad, because I worked really hard on getting it. Poo. I'm probably still off, wah. I need to get somebody to listen to me play it so that I can fix it if I'm doing it wrongly. Anyway, Caleb tried to leave and got in uber trouble with Yumi. Since he doesn't have anything to do at the cut time except hitting the drum sticks together to keep beat, he called his mom so he could go home. Yumi was pissed. He said he could play his timpani part perfectly, and she said no way and hooked up my iPod to the speakers so that he could prove it to her. She let him leave but gave him a lecture about how he definitely did not play perfectly. He was still pissed about it the next morning, haha. Ah, that was some tense atmosphere.

The last thing we did was practice coming in on time for the opener, since we're readily heard in the beginning. We needed a conductor, and Jayne was in the room (call time for the concert), so we asked her if she could do it. So she conducted for us, and Mr. V walked by and looked at her a little sadly. Standing in the back watching, I couldn't help but let my eyes water. Anyone who wants something so badly should be able to at least have it for a little while.... Sigh. It's always been so hard for me to see friends disappointed, because I know the feeling. And then later, we went to go joke around with Mr. V, and he totally randomly said to Jayne, "Nice Drum Majoring earlier, Jayne," and I almost cried. How bittersweet that must have been for her. She later said that she'd had to bite her tongue to not retort, "Well, I guess it wasn't good enough last year."

Anyway. Then it was Orch call time and we unpacked and warmed up and blah blah. Then Concert! It was a fun concert, hahaha. Jayne and I fucked up on some silly places and giggled about it onstage. It was pretty funny. Mark and Erin came to see us! Erin had a sectional so she just stayed (how nice!), and her dad came to film. And then I was surprised but happy that Mark came; he'd been unsure about whether or not he could come, and I hadn't been expecting him to, but in the middle of the concert I looked up and saw them and that brightened my night. Also, it was even more awesome having friends in the audience because I had a solo! That's right, me, Elaine, actually had a freaking solo--and I'd volunteered for it, too! It was pretty neat. And I played it not badly. I'm so proud about how far I've come! (let's see how far we've come! / let's see how far we've come; I've started doing all these song references to things that people say, and it's so much fun; I feel so culturally apt )

After the concert, we socialized a little and got some refreshments, and then Mr. Michel gave the four of us rides home--as usual, hahaha. Yay!

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The stupidest things are making me cry nowadays.

Something's wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but something is wrong with me.

Maybe I'm finally going through puberty.

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Tesoro tournament! Got to school promptly at 215 and ran around socializing for a while. Erin, Jayne, Mark, some random people, and I discussed how Mark (in a cute sweater!) wasn't feeling well, and I gave him a hug and asked him to sit with us. He said he'd have to ask Alex, with whom he usually sits. We all split to our respective duties after that (Erin Uniform Crew, Jayne Uniform and Loading Crew, Mark...Drum Major?, and me Pit). I was a little frustrated when the people who went to the shed forgot one of the cymbal stands, and I had to go all the way back just to get this tiny stand. But as we handed Loading Crew our stuff and waited for everything to be loaded into the truck, I talked to a lot of my section members, and it was a lot of fun. Sean and Caleb and Helen and Hao are a lot of fun. I even talked to the fobs a little bit.

Sadly, by the time they finished loading everything, apparently all the bus seats had been filled. Luckily, they managed to find some space for us to sit. I sat in the front of some random bus next to Paul, with Jayne and Erin in front of me. Jayne and Erin weren't really talking, and Paul kept talking to the people next to us, so I spent pretty much the whole ride texting Mark, who was sitting alone in some other random bus.

When we got to Tesoro, we changed into uniforms, unloaded, set up the auxiliary stuff (Mr. Michel ran over my foot), and then warmed up with Yumi. Then because Drumline was too loud, we decided to just rehearse with them, haha. The performance was...nothing special, haha. Yumi told us that we did a good job afterwards, but it seemed pretty sad on tape. Anyway, it was just a relief for it to be over. Changed, grabbed some water (relief at last!), socialized with Pit people and Kelli and other random people, showed Mark where I was sitting so he could put his stuff down, and basically just ran around. It was nice not doing something for once; usually we're just like...constantly moving something, hahah--or I'm cleaning something.

Then there was uber bus drama. So Mark and I came onto the bus and are about to sit down when a chaperone lady starts freaking out about us sitting there and demands that we move to another seat because apparently the chaperones need a billion freaking seats. We kind of ignore her at first, but she's just kind of bitching at us, so we're like okay, eesh, and get up and start moving towards the back of the bus. It's filled. We return back to our seat and just ignore the lady. Then, Jayne rushes in, exhausted from doing Loading Crew. There's a bunch of stuff on her seat, and almost none of it belongs to her. There is confusion about what to do with them; the lady demands that she just sit with the stuff. Okay, so she does. Then, the chaperones kick her out of the seat, claiming that they need to sit there, and so she obediently goes to sit next to Alec a few rows back. Then they demand that she clean up the stuff for the parents. She quickly tries to get everything in order, throwing water bottles at me (I was collecting them to recycle) and stacking boxes as quickly as possible. But no, they start yelling at her like crazy for giving them "attitude" and stuff. So there are like these three random parents just bitching at Jayne, who's already exhausted. It was so fucking mean. Jayne cried on the way home.

Mark explained to bitchlady that Jayne was really stressed out because she'd been doing a bunch of work all day, and nobody was helping her--and OMFG, you know what she said? "Yeah, well, the parents do a lot, too." WTF, no, they don't. Not nearly as much as Jayne does anyway. Argh. What freaking assholes.

At least the rest of the bus ride was nice. Mark helped me put the window up and then asked if I was cold; I was like, "Yeah, kinda," and so he moved closer. I put my head on his shoulder and he put his head on mine and we stayed like that for the remainder of the ride, watching videos on his phone. And when he called his mom to ask her to heat up some food, he asked if she could make it so that he could eat it at school--so that he could share with me. It was funny when he realized that I don't eat meat. But awww. Oh, and then I laughed at him because he thought hte dance started at seven, ahaha.

So we went home and got dressed up and stuff for the Disney theme. I looked fucking awesome. I loooove making costumes from scratch. Who needs $50 premade ones when you can just create your own and spend maybe $7 or even nothing?


Yay!

So anyway, we all met up at school and stuff (Mark was like, "Where should I meet you?" and stuff, and I was just like, "OMG, Mark is my date!" ) and took some pics, yay. But this random girl came up to us and asked us to get her in and it was just all very bizarre because we all thought that somebody knew her, except that nobody did, and she was seriously just this random girl. WTF? So weird. Anyway, we first got some food (OMG, there were yummy strawberries and chocolate fondue from the Melting Pot ) and hung out for a little bit. Then we headed to the dance floor and...danced? It was totally cool at first, yay dancing, yay freak dancing, whoo. Tried dancing close to Mark, but he freaked out when Jayne freaked on him, so I didn't push it. He freaked on Erin at one point of the night, though, LOL. It was so fucking hilarious. And later he was like, "I didn't even know that was freaking!"

But dude, the security was so intense it was ridiculous. They hired like a billion security guys and had a bunch of people watching from upstairs (with lights o_o) and were just like... OMFG. It was just...so fucking stupid. Jayne got tapped like three times, I got warned once, and some other (not sluttty) people did, too. Dude, when I got the warning, I was doing back to back with Jayne. How the fuck is that even sexual? Oh my god. It was so stupid. They even had the DJ stop in the middle and give a freaking speech about how they'd have to shut down if we didn't stop freaking. It was funny how he said very quickly, "Sorry guys, not my rules" to avoid being shot. At least half the crowd left, though. How unfortunate.

Anyway, after a while, we decided to get some fresh air and water and went upstairs and chatted. It was pretty obvious Mark wanted to stay upstairs, so I skipped some of my favorite songs. Jayne really wanted to go dance them, and hell, I did too, and if this were last year, I would've just gone downstairs with her. Well. I've learned a lot since then, and I practically had an argument with Jayne about it in front of everyone. I hissed, "I'm not going to go through this shit again." My resolve isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, though: I was standing up while saying this. It was a little quieter after that. We did end up going downstairs earlier than Mark'd wanted to, and I felt really bad about it. I knew he wasn't have a great time, so when it seemed like the DJ was just going to play a bunch of random things I didn't recognize, I asked Mark if he wanted to go outside, and he seemed very relieved. Poor thing. So we found a spot and just sat and talked about band for a long time. I could tell he needed to get stuff off of his shoulders, and I felt very privileged that I was the one he came to for that. I always do, with everyone. I mean, I know I'm the listening friend, but I mean... It's still really special.

My neck had been craned as I listened to him, so I asked him for a massage, and he gave me one. It helped a lot. Oh, but as he was massaging me, the random girl from earlier came over...randomly, and was like, talking to us, and I was just like..."We don't know who the hell you are!" But not actually. But it was kind of awkward making pleased noises and saying things like, "Mm, yeah, right there," in front of her, LOL. Anyway, fter a while, he suggested we go back for the last fifteen minutes, so we rejoined everyone, who kept freaking about not being able to find us, which was weird because it wasn't like we were hiding or doing anything, pahahaha. When the dance ended, we went to get our stuff from Kristine's locker (she is so freaking nice for letting us shove all of our stuff in there--and I felt so bad when Veronica came and asked for her stuff; how nice of her not to hate us for using it!). Mark asked me if I was cold and put his arm around me. It was very sweet of him. (Ecstatic Elaine, much?) Embarassingly Funnily enough, Kayla saw us coming out of the Student Center like that, and gave me a Jayne-esque raise of the eyebrow and a laugh. I'll always be a little tentative and suck-uppy towards her because I know she hated me at one point in time out of indignation for her Jayne (I don't know anymore). Then again, I'm terrified of Jayne's entire family in that respect.

Overall, the dance was totally uncool, and Mark noted that he was glad it'd been for free (ASB card); he would've been really mad to pay $15 for it. Well. It was definitely a shitty dance (and what a shame because we were all there), but I was just glad to spend a night with him. And maybe it wasn't fairy lala land Winter Formal, but I only have so long left, and well. I'm going to take what I can get, and love it. It's the only way to live, yeah?

So anyway, at some point during the night, he'd suggested that we go eat, so I brought it up to everyone afterwards, except Mag and Erin like high-tailed it out of there. Well fine, eesh. Kelly was all wishy-washy about it, and then she ended up leaving. Poo. So after Amanda was anal for a little bit about getting a ride home, she, John (her new boyfriend that I met for the first time), Di, Jayne, Mark, and I walked over to Denny's. I looped my arm through Mark's and we walked together, except it was annoying because Jayne was in front of us and Jayne walks slower than a fucking turtle. Jayne once said that my arm looped with hers is one of the things she misses most from the time that we were together. I know what she means. It's not the most intimate of things, and it's sure not romantically suggestive (Mag and Di and I do it all the time), but there was a certain something about it that just... I don't know. I just know that I always, for some reason, associate the lack of it with being lonely, and, well. With my arm looped with Mark's that night, I felt... I felt not-lonely for the first time in a while. And it was a good feeling.

But more importantly, JAYNE RAN INTO A POLE. AHAHAHA. Definitely one of the most hilarious moments of my life. So Mark and I were trying to cut her off because she was walking too slowly, and I guess we kind of made her go to one side, and then--SMACK! LOL. She'd run straight into a lamppost. One with a bus schedule and a bus stop on it, too, ahahaha. It was so fucking hilarious. Like the smack was actually really audible, hee. She got a bad headache afterwards, though, LOL, so we had to push her in a cart.



Denny's was fun. I hardly even remember what we talked about and what we ordered, but I remember laughing a lot. Oh, we did make fun of Mark and his adoration for his phone. He admitted that he would give up his Drum Major position right now ('cause he's done a lot already) for it, LOLL. But that he wouldn't give up his penis for it--which was hilarious because he clutched his crotch a little protectively at that. And then Diana said something about singing Edelweiss in Girl Scouts, and Jayne and I just sat there in confusion while Amanda and Mark collasped into fits of laughter, hahaha. It was a fun meal.

Afterwards, Nina came to pick us up, and since there was one too many of us, Jayne and Di kept saying that I should sit in Mark's lap, but he really didn't want to do that, so we just crammed in the backseat, which is pretty spacey anyway. I was going to say that if it was such an issue, I'd just sit in Jayne's lap, but I suppose that could've led to some more upsets, so I kept my mouth shut. I think I collapsed after I got home, but I can't really remember... Probably had too much of some bizarre fruity drink, haha. But yeah. It was a good day.

Some other random pics:


Random girl, Mark as Indiana Jones, Jayne as Scar, me as Snow White, Diana as Esmeralda, Erin as Alice, Mag as Pirate!Mickey Mouse, Amanda as Meg, and Kelly as Pocahontas. We are awesome for dressing up but as separate things and not buying costumes.








LOL.

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Because I'm a total nerd.


Di, Jayne, and Me : The Dark Portal :: Fobby Asian tourists : Disneyland


Oh, I'm the one on the left; yeah, the sexier one.


Me and Jayney!


The beaaaautiful sky of Outland.


HARDCORE SHIT!


This could so have been a layout picture, hahaha. How beautiful is that, though!


This is so pretty, too! This is in Un'Goro Crater; it was this random mountain that I managed to scale. It was too beautiful not to screencap.

...Anyway. Just wanted to share.

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mood: exhausted and slowly dying
music: These Hard Times - Matchbox Twenty

I. Have. Too. Much. Fucking. Homework.

And despite my 2.5 hour nap, I'm still exhausted.

Argh.

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mood: worthless and pissy and stupid and ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!

For the first time in at least four years, I didn't feel like eating lunch with my friends. I'm in the library. Alone. Moping. Pissy. Feeling like an idiot for too many reasons.

I broke down in Calculus today--twice. Once before the quiz, as we were doing classwork. It wasn't even that hard. I mean, I didn't understand it super well as we were doing it, but I probably won't have that hard of a time getting it at home. But I was just feeling so fucking helpless. I teared. No biggie, right? Except that I haven't done that in a while. And then we took the quiz. Unless some miracle happens, my maximum score will be (and this is stretching it) 10. Out of 20. And, well. I kept complaining to everyone at break about how I hate school so much right now, and how I wish I could drop Physics and Calculus, and everyone's just like, "Just do it!" and "Well, you had the chance to, but you missed it," and "Oh, that's stupid," and I'm just...

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with all of this, and I think that's the problem. At Disneyland, Mark said something about how he doesn't understand why I have to stay up so late and why I'm so stressed out--and the thing is, I don't either! I'm not even like...trying to do a fantastic job. I'm just trying to get things done, trying to get a decent grade in my classes.

It isn't fucking working.

I keep trying to tell myself that it isn't fair for me to complain about being stressed out when other people probably have tons more things to do, other obligations to meet--but I can't help it.

I keep trying to think back on the happiness I've accumulated in the past month, and even that's difficult. Since when has retaining happiness been hard for Elaine?!

Jayne asked simply, "What's the matter?"

And all I could say was, "I'm not doing well in anything."

And I mean it. In anything.

Not.

A.

Single.

Fucking.

Thing.

I can't even make a layout.

I don't feel like myself anymore. And I hate it.

And Jayne's beating me in everything. Even English. I can't even write a fucking perfect poetry response. It's ridiculous. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Disneyland was great. More than great. One of the best days I've had in a while.

Can't that happiness dwarf this hopelessness, this helplessness?

Can't it? Please?

I need a fucking hug. I need a fucking week off.

I need to drop at least three of my classes.

At least Mark and I had a fun conversation last night. And he said something really sweet, too.

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A tragic tale has brought to light my own mistakes.

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--She too wants me to catch hold of her, he thought. That's why she came with me to the tram. I could easily catch hold of her when she comes up to my step: nobody is looking. I could hold her and kiss her.

But he did neither: and, when he was sitting alone in the deserted tram, he tore his ticket into shreds and stared gloomily at the corrugated footboard.

- A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce


Greatest moments in literature are the moments to which one can truly relate.

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So then we had a game against Segerstrom, and it was one of the less fun ones, unfortunately. Nobody in Pit danced, and conversation between everyone was just kind of dead. Third was kind of nice, though; I pulled Sean (plus equipment) on the big cart back to the band room, and we got to talk and stuff. We figured out that he's the brother of Tiffany, my sister's best friend. It was pretty hilarious; when I asked him if he knew Jessica ('cause I knew he went to the same elementary/middle school as I did), he sat up all shocked. Ahaha. Then we talked about how bitchy our sisters are and how Jess and Tiffany made some girl at school cry (OMFG! WTF?!?!?!) and the Bakery and how he has to walk all the way to and from Westpark to school and stuff. It was pretty cool. I'm just mad that how long we took made me miss like two freaking quarters! The football game was practically over by the time we got back to field. That made me sad. I missed out on half a game of dances! Poo.

After the game, Jayne and I (Erin'd gone home sick) met up with Di and she decided to randomly ask Corey out to dinner with us, hahaha. So we walked to Denny's. But dude, it was so stupid. So like half of freaking Pit got permission from Mr. V to leave because they "didn't have rides". And Jacky and Helen had to leave for the SAT. (Jacky left me in charge, which made me happy, although she was very smart and told me to not make it obvious that she'd given me that position of power.) As we were leaving the school parking lot, we saw Olivia, one of the girls who'd claimed that she "didn't have a ride", with this random guy. Just chillin' in the parking lot, walking towards Heritage Plaza. ...Dude. I was so mad. You don't fucking lie to your section leader like that; you don't fucking lie to Mr. V like that. You don't fucking join Marching Band to ditch the games. Omfg. I did tell Jacky that Monday, and she did question Olivia, and I'm still a little confused as to what happened, but I think she had to run laps.

Anyway. It was funny 'cause as we were waiting at Denny's, Mother and Jess walked in, ahaha. They ended up leaving 'cause the wait was too long, but it was pretty funny seeing them there. And then Patrick Sears came up and hit on Diana, which was even funnier. Dinner was...odd but enjoyable, I suppose. Corey is such a sweet kid; the guys on Drumline are such assholes to him, though. Jayne kept bashing Pit, and he kept defending us, saying that we have the most workload and are never given enough credit. It was so nice! But haha, after we dropped him off, I commented, "Well, that was the most random dinner I've ever had", heh.

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A week or so ago, Yumi, the Pit coach, told us that she wanted to change our Marching Band schedule so that we'd only go in for zero on B days and would instead have like...four hours sectionals once every week. Obviously, this was not exactly received well by Pit. I didn't like it at all because of the zero period thing. First of all, while practicing with the band every morning may not be exactly productive in improving our playing, minimizing our time playing with them would definitely be detrimental. Half the time our problem isn't staying together; it's staying with the band. Also, I like zero. It's the best part of my day. I really enjoy being a part of this big picture, contributing what I can, working on playing better. It's just a lot of fun. Another problem with Yumi's plan is that I joined Marching Band so that I could spend more time with Erin and Mark and Jayne. While I may not converse with them all that much during zero, it makes me happy that I'm there with them, and taking away that time would just kind of destroy the whole point of joining. Oh, and also, waking up at 6 one day and 7 the next would totally throw off my already whacked out schedule.

Amy and Jacky were pretty upset, too, and I think everyone pretty much disagreed with Yumi. What was cool, though, was that during Orchestra, Mr. V (after commenting that he hoped that Jayne and I never graduate !!!) came up to me and asked me what I thought of Yumi's proposal. It was like...like my opinion really mattered. The arrogant, irrational voice in my head says that it means that he acknowledges how much I've done for Pit and how I have somewhat a position of leadership, but he could've just been wondering and I'd just been at the right place at the right time--although he didn't ask Helen!; but who knows. Either way, it was a really good feeling. I told him that I really disagreed with the only coming in on B days idea, because it's really vital that we learn to play with the band because we are a part of the band, and that I think we should just come in for zero every morning as usual and then have sectionals (two hour ones) like all the other sections. He seemed to agree, but Mr. V is always a pretty agreeable guy, so that doesn't mean much. But it is pretty much what we've been doing now, so yay.

It's kinda funny how everyone is so terrified of her, though. I guess she can seem pretty strict compared to Jacky, but I mean, lol, she gets things done--okay, that's the one thing I don't like; whenever we practice with her, we spend half the time doing exercises, and while I understand the importance of warming up, it's just not very productive to spend 40 min of the 1 hr we get just doing chromatic scales instead of working on the show.

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mood: excited!
music: These Hard Times - Matchbox Twenty

This subject title makes me feel like a very, very normal teenager. How bizarre!

So we tried to go see Good Luck Chuck, except we got carded, and I'd forgotten my ID, so we weren't allowed in. It was really stupid because they didn't card us when we bought the tickets, but they carded us inside, so it was like... Eesh, what a waste of money! It was this old guy in a wheelchair, too, so we were like, "Grr, what a bastard," except not, because he was like, this crippled guy. We ended up trading the tickets for Transformers IMAX, which I'd wanted to see anyway. Diana was pretty exasperated with me, since she's seen the move like...seven times, haha. In theaters. So yeah. It was pretty kickass seeing it on the humongous screen, but not as awesome as I'd expected it to be. The extra footage was really pointless, which I guess is why it was cut out. Also, I was pretty tired from WoWing all day, so I kind of dozed off during the final battle, which is like, intense. I felt really bad.

That Friday, there was a football game against...Northwood? I don't remember. Nothing about it was really memorable, except that I didn't have that great of a time. I mean, it was all right. I felt really bad because Di thought everyone was coming, so she came, and it ended up that nobody came, and so she had to hang out with some upper middle classies for pretty much the entire game because I had to put stuff away for Pit during the third quarter, and arrived late into the fourth quarter. Poo. Afterwards, she stayed and hung out with us in the band room and witnessed how power-hungry all the section leaders in band are, ahaha. There was a really awkward moment during which she commented on that, and I was like, "Yeah, we are," and I don't think she heard me, but oh man, I was going to hit myself over the head with a hammer when I realized what I'd said. That is so wrong. And this is what I mean about how easily I can get power trip-py.

Anyway, after the game, Diana volunteered to give Jayne and me rides home, which kind of ruined my plan to ask Mark to Homecoming. After I screeched about that a little, they ran me over to the Michels and tried to stall so that I could get a ride from them. Totally embarrassed and feeling completely awkward and not wanting to make Mark feel guilty for saying no when he looked totally worn out, I made a fool of myself and basically just said, "No, no, it's fine," over and over again and then ran back to the front of the school. Then, Jayne came over and slapped me like...three times. Um. Really hard. It hurt. And then she yelled at me for being an idiot and not seizing the opportunity. It was very immature, and I was very disdainful of her behavior. Kayla saw and even came up to give me a hug. It was really sweet. Because the overall atmosphere was bad, we decided against going to Denny's, and Nina just drove us home. Later, Jayne IMed me complaining about being lectured by her mom about treating her friends better (Kayla'd tattletaled), and I felt sorry for her for being victimized again, but I was exasperated that she didn't expect it, after behaving like that. We were kinda tense that night and the next morning, but things are fine now.

She was really exasperated that I kept wimping out. She'd been pressuring me all week to hurry and ask him, or else he'd say no, but there was never the right moment. It frustrated me how she kept saying that she didn't understand what the hell the big deal was, like, why I was so terrified. Keep in mind that Jayne must've asked at least ten people to the dance.

But the next morning I finally did ask him, and it was totally anticlimatic, and I even said so to him, but he didn't say no, and that was enough for me. He admitted he was hoping for the dance to be a night for him and his friends to hang out and wasn't sure how I'd fit into that, as, well, I have a bad history of being a shitheaded brat when I hang out with my friend's friends. (I still hate myself for that day.) I said I wouldn't mind, because honestly, I could probably hang out with, I dunno, some very undesirable people, if Mark were my date. The verdict was pretty much, "We'll see," which exasperated my friends (haha, they're so cute when they're indignant), but was good enough for me. How happyful.

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Band pics & back-to-school night. Oh gosh, what a hectic day! When I got to school and saw everyone hauling their marching shoes in, I realized that I'd forgotten mine at home. I'd also forgotten socks. And my violin. And my music. And a bunch of other stuff. And Mother wouldn't be able to bring them to me, because it was a Wednesday, and on Wednesdays, she goes a few cities over to the other bakery in the morning. You know those people who hate being late? I hate hate hate being unprepared. It'll instantly get me in a really bad mood. It was like five minutes into my day, and I was already having a terrible one. And then Mark made me run a lap for being late during zero, and I was really mad because I'd been there on the field on time, except I'd gone back to help other people with their equipment. Excuse me for trying to be an asset to the band. So yeah, I was in a really foul mood the entire period, which is never fun.

Luckily, my aunt was able to pick me up at eleven (no fourth period) to drive me home to get my stuff and then drive back to school. What a lifesaver! I wouldn't call doing the band pics fun, but it wasn't horrible. Junior fainted during the one with the whole band, which was dramatic. Meep. Took group pics with Jayne and Erin, and then Jayne and Mark. I ended up paying for both of them, what? I was prepared to pay for the one with Jayne and Mark, but I thought I was splitting the one with Erin with...Erin. I told her I'd pay her back with the money in my locker, and I dunno if she misunderstood me or what, but she demanded $20 the next day. The pics cost $18.... I was really confused and kinda angry, but I figured... Her family's paid for so much for me that it wouldn't be right to demand money back....

Came back at like 530 for Back-to-School night, which we performed at. Jacky made our call time really early, so we had some spare time and I asked her to teach everyone the basic commands, since they're kinda important. I wanted to drill them but didn't want to take the position away from her, and I wanted to practice, anyway, and she didn't want to do it, so I saw Mark walking by and asked that he drill us, haha. So he taught us some basic marching stuff, whee! Everyone sucked at it. Meh. I had so much fun, though, hahaha. And playing was fun! It was the first time we played Spain for an audience, and I was really proud of how well I could play it at that point in time. Plus, playing the random percussion instruments--we call them "toys"--for the stand songs is always a lot of fun. I danced to the beat the whole time, as usual. w00t. After we cleaned up, Jayne and I just hung around during the parent meetings, occasionally helping to direct poor lost parents around our confusing school. She started teaching me how to march more, which was a lot of fun. It's so cool! Mark was guiding his mom around, so when she had to go to the meetings in the music building, he hung out with us, yay! We talked to Hao for a while, which was, umm, interesting. Kid is way conceited, but well. At least he's not an asshole, I guess. Just kind of...out of it and disobedient sometimes. Then, Mark taught me how to march some more, yay! How fun. Having the Drum Major as my best friend (or is it best friend the Drum Major?) is pretty damn awesome. It does have uses other than the simple fact that it feels like knowing a celebrity!

There was this moment when Jayne left to direct some parent to the Science building, and Mark came up with his mom, and his mom was like, "Oh, hi Elaine, we were just talking about you," and I was like "..." totally creeped out, ahaha. Nah, it was nice. It makes me sad that I've never gotten the chance to really talk to her or anything, even though Mark and I are so close. It just feels weird that I'm so familiar with almost everyone else's parents, but I've spoken to his mom like...maybe three times, ever, haha. And she seems so nice, too! Poo.


LOL. I love this picture. Mrs. Nelson even took one on her disposable, and it's on Jayne's binder. It puts a smile on my face everyday.

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WAHHHHHHHHH! My family pictures were somehow lost in the transfer from fucked up computer to beautifully clean laptop. I'M SO SAD. I mean, I'd be like crying if it were the friend pics, but seriously... Technology has so many flaws, sometimes. Yeah, I need that backup disk, pronto.

Anyway... Pics from South Coast!






Scary.












It was a sexy bench.



 

I forgot about Ruby's. We went to Ruby's some day, for some fundraiser for Grad Night or something. It was a lot of fun. All I really remember is making fun of Kelly, laughing at Diana and Jayne's antics, and Jayne refusing to sit next to Mag because of her habit of staining articles of clothing with her messy eating habits, LOL. Must've been the yummy milkshake. I think we spent more time laughing than eating, hahaha. I really do love hanging out at restaurants. I know it sounds really weird (and expensive), but it's just... Seriously, my favorite thing to do while hanging out is eat. And that's not even completely because I'm a fatass who loves to eat. I dunno, things just are so much more fun around then lunch/dinner table. And then there's all this time during which the entire group is sitting together in one place, unified, and conversations are mostly between everyone. It's hard to be left out at the dinner table. I dunno how to explain it, but it's a great feeling. I miss how much we used to eat, like at Buca and stuff. Although I have to admit that I would not be able to afford hanging out like we used to nowadays, with my lack of cash. But, yeah. I had a good time. We even hung out in Barnes & Noble for a while both afterwards and before, which is always a lot of fun. And at the end of the night, Kelly made us walk her to her car (which was like two feet away) so that she wouldn't get raped. And then she refused to take us home. Haha. Ah, that's our law-abiding Kelly.










8O!!


I think I need to work on my blowjob face.

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mood: depressed
music: Black & White People - Matchbox Twenty

you hold on, boy
'cause--you won't go down like this

My best friends just don't have the luck.

Diana has spent the past seven months ill. She's still sick. Jayne is never going to stop comparing the Assistant Drum Major to herself. And I just remembered how much Mark suffered last year from not getting a major role in the school musical production.

Sometimes, Life sucks.

I just cried after reading Jayne's most recent entry about ADM-age. Like. Full-on sobbed. She claims it wasn't even supposed to be a sad entry.

Sometimes, Life makes you wonder, "If such great people--such deserving people have to suffer like this, why... What makes life worth living?"

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The brightest flame burns the shortest.

I've realized in the past month, that after four years, I think this is much more than a bright flame.

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mood: excited/anxious
music: Ayo Technology - 50 Cent

Jayne keeps asking to come over or for me to go over or to stay after school or just general hanging out-ness, and I just can't do it. 1) I don't know how she honestly expects me to spend every class with her and then see her after school, too; I can't deal with anyone for that long! I've been going out or having people over like every weekend or talking to people on the phone 24/7, and I am just... I fucking need time by myself so badly. But it's like, when someone suggests an outing, I have to fight myself to resist giving into the temptation. So frustrating.

2) I've loved this whole Jayne-Di-Me circle triad threesome thing, and our group dynamic is really great and fun, but... I miss everyone so badly. I really, really miss hanging out as a group, which we hardly even got to do over the summer. Which is so disappointing to me, because those are always the times that I have the most fun. I need to stop hanging out with just them. I tried to plan a dinner for all of us last week, but it never followed through. I suppose the difference between the three of us and Erin, Kelly, Mag, and Amanda is that they have a bunch of events that they're unwilling to cancel; for us, it's like...the more "other" obligations we can cancel, the less time we have to spend with our families, the better.

Also, I have like, all my classes with Jayne, and I wish that I could have that plus having classes with everyone else. Last semester was really nice. I miss having open first with Erin, and PE/Math/English with Kelly, and Religions with Amanda, and it was just like... I got to tell them about my life and ask them about theirs one-on-one, you know? This year, I've been like...making announcements at break/in the Amphitheater (like that's how I've been telling everyone about my life), and it's like...it's just not the same, somehow. But I don't mind that so much; I just miss talking to everyone individually about personal stuff.

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Dude. I just freaking realized that I haven't gotten a single A on a test or quiz this year.

We've been in school for a month.

What the FUCK is wrong with me?!

A Streetcar Named Desire quiz: B
Physics test: technically a C+, but it's only an A because of our ridiculous curve (the other classes had a curve that was 20+ pts above ours)
Calculus quiz: D
Calculus test: B-
Spanish quiz: B+
AP Gov Chapter 1 Quiz: A FREAKING C
And if Orch seating auditions count as a test, I totally failed that, too.

I want to cry so badly right now; hell, I'm almost in tears. This is ridiculous. I've never done so badly in school in my entire fucking life. What is wrong with me? Am I even going to get an A in anything this year? Maggie said it's because I'm taking too many classes I don't need to take. Lucky Mag got to drop all her freaking math classes; she's taking neither Physics nor Calc.

When I told Mother that I passed the Calc test, she was really disappointed. Like, she'd wanted me to fail it so that I could drop it. Sigh.

The other day, in English, we spent the entire period discussing these essays we got to evaluate and then analyzing an Emily Dickinson poem. I loved it so much. I made a vow to myself to try to enjoy the things I study more in college. I find it really sad that like...nowadays, high school is all about getting into a good college. There are so many tests, so many events, so much homework, so much stress, so much pressure, and it's just... It's hard to enjoy writing an essay when your grade hinges on it; it's hard to find a science fascinating when you're just trying your hardest to memorize all the facts to ace your tests. I wish I had the chance to enjoy academic things more.

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mood: relaxed but anxious yet excited
music: Lonely Weekend - Matchbox Twenty

Then, the next Friday (September 14), Di and I walked to Denny's after school to pick up some food (cheese fries and onion rings) and took it to Jayne's. We hung out there for a while; Diana took a shower, and I took a nap. I was pretty exhausted. Jayne and Di wanted to go to the Spectrum, so I didn't say anything until Di started feeling really sick. We ended up leaving at like six, and Jayne was really mad that we'd decided to just go home. Seriously, that girl wants to hang out so much; it's so bizarre. But pah, I guess I've never understood how people can get bored at home. There's so much to do!

Anyway, we ended up going out the next day, to South Coast, so that Di could buy some bags. Went to Sephora to get something for Mother and orgasmed when I entered the store, as usual; I take forever there, though, so I tried not to get distracted by anything since I'd feel bad about making them wait. Checked out Wet Seal and almost bought this turquoise bag that Di said I could totally pull off, but decided that the strap didn't stay on my shoulder well enough. Hooray for saving money! Di bought a shitload of stuff. Then, we checked out American Eagle for Jayne (I like their guy clothes but not their chick clothes so much because it's kinda really...unisex-y), and she showed us the tie she's been wanting. It matched her layered shirts exactly. It was pretty funny. Then, we checked out some baby furniture place, and I laughed at the Superman and Batman setups that were so perfect for them.

Then, we went across the bridge to H&M, where we bought Jayne a gold dogtag type necklace thing with a key on it, for her baby brother Keyton, who passed away in April. She even wore it the entire next week. How sweet. I almost bought this bag that I've been wanting since forever, but Di and Jayne said it wasn't really "me". I want a damn tote. Ooh, I should look online. ...Anyway. I got us some yummy dinner (spinach & artichoke dip, chicken caesar salad, and a pizza) with the money Father randomly gave to me, and we had a great time eating and laughing at the randomest things. Good times.

Wah, I want to post the pictures, but I'm having problems installing Photoshop.

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mood: relieved
music: Gimme More - Britney Spears

The dance! Oh man, I am behind. Oh well, it's fun to see how much I remember, hahah. Also makes me happy remembering all the good times.

Jayne, Di, Amanda, and I went. I picked up Amanda and Di picked up Jayne, but as usual, Diana was like a billion hours late, which resulted in Jayne being pissy because she's anal about being on time, and me being totally terrified that the night would be ruined because they'd be all snipy at each other, and blah blah blah, but it ended up being just fine. Amanda and I had a fun time waiting for them to arrive; we sat on a bench in the front of the school and talked and took pictures and tried to guess the songs that were playing and stuff. It was funny because a bunch of people kept trying to get to the amphitheater from the front of the school, but the gate was closed, and we kept having to tell them that. Exasperating but pretty amusing. I felt very naked in my black booty shorts (they make me feel so slutty yet so brave and hawt at the same time) and teal H&M cami--well, naked and rather flabby. God, I hate my thighs.

Anyway. They arrived and were in a totally good mood, so I was like, yay! Nobody ended up having to pay because they just let us in whether or not we had an ASB card, which was weird. Entrusted our purses to Eric and then got on the dance floor...platform...thing. We found the other seniors (a bunch of random middle classies) and hung out with them and danced the night away! I like that one a lot because you can get down and dirtayy and nobody gives a fuck. God, all the other dances are so fucking restricted; I've freaking gotten in trouble twice! And come on, I love to freak, but I am so not the wildest of the freakers. At Homecoming and Winter Formal, they had fucking like...security guards roaming the dance floor. It's so ridiculous! There was even a poll last year, and a huge percentage of the people said that they didn't attend HC because of the new rules. Gah. I just hate it because it's like, I want to dance the way I want to dance, but then I get in trouble (by the freaking (ahaha, pun) principal), and then I spend the rest of the night totally paranoid about getting in trouble (I hate getting in trouble), and it's just...not having fun! Not having as much fun, anyway. Argh. I understand that it grosses out a lot of people, but fuck, half of those people refuse to dance in the first place! Ugh, I just hate that. I hope it won't be so strictly enforced this year.

...Anyway, yeah, during the Back-to-School dance, nobody really cares how anyone dances. It's pretty awesome. I freaked all over the place. But mostly against Jayne and Di, LOL. This random guy even just appeared out of nowhere behind me and started freaking with me. It was um, pretty creepy and awkward. I don't even know what he looks like, LOL, and I was like practically rubbing my ass in this guy's crotch. Oh, well. He didn't get grabby so whatever. Now that would've been creepy. I had like a "WTF?" face on the whole time though, ahaha.

It only lasted like two hours, though. Dumbest thing ever. I was so sad! It used to go to like...midnight, and then it became eleven, and then now it's ten? Agh, pathetic. So totally like...still pumped up and annoyed that it'd ended so early, we walked to Denny's and had a late night dinner. We were pretty high off the night, so there was a surplus of cracking up at the most random things. It was pretty great. Di and Jayne and I hang out a lot, but having Amanda there added a new dynamic, and it was really fun. Di (well, Nina, heh) got us cheese fries and a sampler, yay! She also made me get a fancy drink, and mmm, it was really tasty. (Oh my god, I just spelled it "tastey". Fergie is evil.) After we finished, Nina picked us and dropped us off. Fun night! I had fun being a skank.

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