mood: all over the place
music: The Way I Are - Timbaland

Man, this song has spectacular beat.

Then on Saturday, Di, Jayne, and I went to Spectrum to see Superbad, which was like...vulgar humor but not like...grossly so. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was...more humor than vulgar, which I actually found enjoyable. We had a good time; it was a very relaxing movie. After the movie, we headed over to the food court and got some dinner. Diana was annoyed that neither Jayne nor I had money to buy food and begrudgingly bought Japanese food for us. Even though I'd told her that she didn't have to about a billion times and she was like, whatever, I still felt really, really bad. Like...more than usual. I dunno what brought it on, but I tried to promise to myself that I wouldn't take her money like that anymore. The atmosphere was kind of gray in general; I don't know about the others, but I was a little tired of them after spending every day of the week with them. I didn't regret it, but I also desperately needed time to myself, haha. Which was why I wasn't in a great mood. But oh, well.

Okay, I'm actually getting kinda sleepy, and I think I'll turn in now. Band Camp is quite exhausting. Mark will probably be proud to hear that I slept at 1 AM. ...Well. Proud or angry, hahaha.

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mood: placid
music: Lonely Weekend - Matchbox Twenty

OMFG I SERIOUSLY AM IN LOVE WITH THE PATH TO VICTORY! (I was cleaning out my camera memory card and started listening to a voice recording I did of it, haha. My voice is adorable! So much better than my voice three years ago, ew. But hearing myself say, "Fuck you!" is so incredibly hilarious.)

Anyway! Wednesday during Jayne Week--Nina picked us up at like nine in the morning (ouch, huh?) and got us donuts. In the car, she randomly said, "Nice machine, Elaine," and my perverted mind was like, what the fuck?! until I realized that she's a nerd and was talking about my laptop, ahahah. So then she dropped us off at the house, and Jayne and I hung out in the living room watching Suite Life and random music vids while Di slept upstairs, haha. After a while, we got Di's laptop and my laptop and hooked them up and played WoW, yay! At like noon, Di woke up, and we moved upstairs to play more WoW. After a while, we decided to go to the pool, and since I was the one leading the way on the walk there, both of them kept doubting my sense of direction. But I got us there! I'm awesome. So we fooled around in the pool for a while and then got some suntanning in, yay! Then, Jayne needed use the restroom, but she didn't want to ask the lifeguard where it was, so I volunteered to do it, and my pants were rolled up like an idiot, but man, he was cute! And then Diana got all mad at me for not asking her if she wanted to come talk to him with me, LOL. I laughed a lot.

Since we were really hungry, we decided to walk to Panera, despite the heat. It was closer than Di's house, anyway. It was pretty damn hot, though. And our feet hurt a lot. We had delicious sandwiches/soups/drinks (I love Panera so much!) and just relaxed for a while. We had a lot of fun; I almost felt sorry for the people sitting around us, hahaha. Ah, well. It's always nice to fall back on the "rowdy teenager" excuse. After what was our lunch (at four in the afternoon, haha), Di was generous and bought me a smoothie (Strawberry Wave, yum!)--little did we know, this smoothie would spell my doom. (D-O-O-M, it said. )

So the walk back was tedious, but while Jayne and Diana were dying from the heat, I was suffering from a bad stomachache. We even had to stop once for me to sit down under a tree for a moment. Once we got into the house, we all collapsed in the spare bedroom on the bottom floor. After struggling for a while to get up, Di ran upstairs to pour us a huge cup (like...she poured it in a huge measuring cup, LOL) of orange juice and we just...totally engulfed it. After we cooled down a little, we ran upstairs and messed around in the shower, which sounds kinkier than it really was--but not any less awkward, hahahaha. Cue the giggling. Then, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up (I feel like this a lot so it wasn't so like...ZOMG!) and went to stand over the sink, which caused me to be berated by both Jayne and Di ("Who the hell vomits in a sink?!" Oops). So I went to stand over the toilet--I didn't want to get on my knees because the trash can was right there and there were some...undesirables in there, ahem--and just...threw up pink, LOL. It was nothing but pink. It was pretty hilarious; we were all laughing pretty hard--and then I threw up again, LOL. I felt really bad for getting it all over the place. Using Listerine with Diana was fun, though. The burn was oddly addicting! I was so crazy and laughing so hard, hahah.

After that, we played some more WoW (it's so fucking awesome all playing in the same room! And way convenient, too, haha) and then Nina took us to the grocery store so that we could buy stuff to eat. ...We ended up spending over a hundred dollars, oops. I felt really bad. But we did eat it! Mmm, cheese on crackers. We also had a lot of fun in the store, which sounds stupid, but hell, we can have fun anywhere. We're awesome like that. After we bought tons of shit, we went back to Di's house and...ate it, haha. Then, we watched 300 again (like my fourth/fifth time?), but I brought my laptop down so half the time I was showing Di pics. We all did the "This is madness!" line, though. Mmm, so sexy.

After the movie, we went back upstairs to play some more WoW, yay! We started getting tired around like four, though, so we went downstairs again and Jayne blogged while I read fanfiction and Diana ate. Jayne also obsessively ate these chocolate Teddy Grahams; it was pretty funny. (The first thing she did upon waking up the next morning was eat a Teddy Graham, haha.) We fell asleep pretty quickly, though.

The next day, Nina was making a sandwich in the kitchen, which woke me up, but for some reason, I thought she was Diana, so I got up and took all my laptop stuff upstairs and then Nina was like...looking at me like, WTF? And I was all embarassed and made up some dumb semi-excuse, hahah. Anyway, Erin and Kelli ended up coming over with their laptops, and we had a really uber WoW party! (Kelli made a Troll Shaman and is like...LVL 16 right now, dude! So crazy.) Kelli even made cookies for us; how nice! And then she played Sims, haha. It was pretty fun. Ah, the laptop generation.... :loveeeye: Unforunately, Erin and Kelli had to leave at like 630, but Jayne and I stayed. We ended up doing both Zul'Farrek and Maraudon, which was a killer. Maraudon took forever. My back hurt badly, and I was just...incredibly bored of it like halfway through, haha. Yuck. I whined a bit, but it was Di and Jayne, so I wasn't too concerned.

OMG, my comp was lagging so badly and I was so bored, but I totally prevented a wipe; it was awesome! I was like the last one left standing, and I totally kicked the ass of this Elite guy who was pwning me. It was so exciting, especially with Di and Jayne in the room cheering me on. And Di and Jayne totally pwned Princess Theradras, this big ugly stone chick. Yay! Anyway, after the grueling billions of hours, Nina got us some Panera (starting to see a trend here? ) and we had it while watching Comedy Central. It was fun. I asked Mother if I could stay another night, but she said no, so they dropped me off. Jayne stayed another night, and I'm sad that I missed out, but I needed to catch up on fanfiction anyway, hahah.

Okay, time to play WoW with Di for a little bit and then shower and then sleep. More tomorrow!

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mood: awake
music: How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

Today, I went to the intro meeting for Marching Band. I felt rather out of place, as it was occupied mostly by Freshmen, haha, but after we broke into groups and stuff, I had fun with Jacky. Last Saturday, we figured out this word puzzle/decryption thing she had--with Skye's help--so we tried to do another one today. Mark stopped by a few times and tried to help us, which was nice. Unfortunately, he had a headahce; poor thing. The rest of the time, I hung out with Erin and Jayne when she escaped from demonstrating the uniform to the parents, haha. Erin called my choice of clothes "skimpy". And I'd chosen a very conservative outfit, too! Wah. Jayne said I was overdressed, too. Aw, poo. I have a bad feeling that I'm going to feel very out of place in all of this band stuff.

They were telling us to sit down and I was like... "Jayne, please assign me a seat," and "Erin, help me!" LOL. I am quite pathetic when it comes to unfamiliar social activities (like choosing a seat ). In the end, I just sat in my own row in the corner, hahaha. I am so good at being a loner sometimes. They had us do introductions, saying our names and what we played, and I made a face when they started in my corner, haha. They were like, "Elaine--" and I was like, "Do I really have to?!" seeing as most of the section leaders know who I am, haha. (Is it not incredibly ironic that I'm joining band the one year that all my friends are section leaders?! What the hell is up with that, man?! I'm going to end up being so lonely.)

I had a wry smile on my face half the time--their humor isn't exactly my humor, hrm...but I guess I encounter that problem in a lot of places--but it faded in the middle of Jayne/Michael Sears demonstrating the uniforms. Jayne was struggling with her zipper or something, and Mark made some friendly joke, and it was just. It was so right--the way things are supposed to be, I keep thinking--but so, so wrong at the same time. I had tears in my eyes. What the hell, Elaine. What the fucking hell. There's being affected by conflict between your best friends, and then there's just...being stupid. And I'm being a total fucking idiot about all of this, and that hurts. I'm glad I found time alone with each of them, but, just...the awkward we're-supposed-to-be-a-group-but-they're-not-talking...

I have a feeling that this is going to be a very awkward year. I wonder if I'll have to go to Mark's concerts alone now.

Yesterday, Jayne showed me the convo she had with Mark--something about what to bring to the meeting earlier today--and noted that he was trying really hard to be friendly and everything, and that just.

WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO WRONG?! (Stay tuned. I'm in the process of (hand)writing a huge post about it all.) I told her about how sad I was about all of this (as usual) and apologized for the fact that I keep going to her about it. I mean really, of all people--but... Di is too much on my side and against both of them (this just ends up with me being defensive about them), Mag randomly picks one side and steadfastly sides for it (just leaves me kinda confused?), Kelly and Erin are too indignant/on Jayne's side (causes me to be really defensive about Mark), Amanda doesn't care enough about the conflict in general, and Mark always just ends up feeling really guilty (ending up with me feeling really bad and trying to make him not feel guilty). Jayne...I dunno. Maybe it's because I can tell she feels bad but she's still just kinda like...putting herself first? I don't really know, and I don't think it's right, but... I don't know, nobody tells me what I want to hear (then again, what do I want to hear?), and I know it's selfish, but...it's just really hard for me.

The other day, Mark was talking about the etymology of the last word of my Chinese name, and how it meant like, clinging onto the mountains (stronger people) and how it fits me, saying that in my relationships with him and Di and Jayne, I am the passive force. I thought that was very interesting. I told him I could see why he'd say that, but that I believe that I am the active in my relationship with Jayne, though he didn't seem to really believe it. I told Di and Jayne what he said about me clinging onto the strong people around me, and their different reactions (along with Mark's interpretation of me) were very interesting to think about.

Jayne immediately said, "That's ridiculous! You? Clingy? Clinging onto anyone?! Does he know you at all?!" Which was definitely something to chew on. Di said, "That's only partially true; you used to be really like that, but then you probably went through some big change 'that I wasn't there for' (hehe) 'cause you're not like that anymore." And I thought that was even more interesting. Looking at that, I'd surmise that my friends all see me in different lights. Mark sees me in the somewhat more...observer kind of way? And Jayne sees me like...the way I want to/try to be seen? And Diana sees me like...totally the way I just really am. I dunno; that's what I get from it, anyway. I remember always being fascinated that Mag knew so well that I hated clingy people.

...I still have to shower, LOL. Whoops.

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mood: excited
music: How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

i guess it's all coming to an end
oh well, we might as well pretend

Oh my gosh! Matchbox Twenty's getting back together! They're working on a new album to be out on October 2. OMG, so excited and happy. I really do like an enormous variety of music, but I've never found any artist that I like more than them. A friend on last.fm sent me news of the debut of the first song from the album, and I'm still listening to it now. How exciting!!!

...Y'know, I really like opposite/enemy/rival pairings, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around Barricade/Bee. Ever since someone mentioned it on the BeexSam LJ comm, people have been writing it pretty frequently, and I want to read it, but I just... It just seems a little farfetched! Argh. But I have faith in myself. I will conquer this! Also, I find it fascinating that Megatron/Starscream was G1 mainstream slash. I don't know if I've ever been part of a fandom that favors the pairing of two "evil" characters! Pretty chill. Well, Bee/Sam has taken over, but still. Megs/Screamer is really hot, though, so I keep searching for fics, but either I'm really bad at searching (doubtful) or they're just... I dunno! I want to find some. The one big-name one that I read was kinda freaky and violent. Totally believable, I suppose, but I've never been into any sort of gore (esp. S&M), so it was more...horrifyingly good than anything.

Anyway. That Sunday, Jayne arrived at home and we were gonna go see a movie, but Di and Jayne wouldn't agree on what to watch. Di wanted to see Stardust, but Jayne was really adamant and quite rude/mean about not wanting to see it (she didn't even know what it was!) and pretty much only wanted to see Transformers--which Di had already seen like four/five times. Jayne said she'd see No Reservations (because it's a chick flick), but Di didn't want to see a chick flick. So in the end, they were both all pissy, and I said fuck it, I'd just see whatever movies they wanted to see with them individually to prevent conflict. Diana said, "How diplomatic."

The next day, Jayne and Di came over and we just hung out in my room for a while. Di hadn't slept yet so was in an incredibly cuddly mood and Jayne refused to let her touch her, which was weird. I felt bad for Di so I cuddled with her for a long time. After Di fell asleep, Jayne and I snuck out of bed and went on my comp for a while, and I showered and stuff. After waking Di up, we went to the Spectrum to watch Transformers again (YAY!!!) and No Reservations. Transformers was awesome as usual, and No Reservations was cute. Catherine Zeta-Jones is beautiful. Simply beautiful. We watched it because of Jayne (she loves chick flicks to death), and she was crying like twenty minutes into the movie, LOL. It wasn't a bad movie, but at the corny/kissy parts, I covered my eyes--I didn't think they would notice, but Jayne and Di saw and laughed at me about it the whole time.

After seeing that movie, we were all starving (it's about a chef, so I mean...hahaha), so we went to CPK (myyyy favorite! ) and ordered some very delicious food. We got the usual ravioli (two plates) and tried some spaghettini. I don't usually like thin pasta, but mmmm, that stuff was good. CPK is so aweseome. And I really liked the chicken. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I really like CPK chicken. It's like...so dry. I love it. I know it's bizarre, but I think the wetness of meat really grosses me out. Like...the only meat I'll eat like...in it's..."real" form, turkey, is pretty damn dry. Or I always eat it dry, anyway. And CPK chicken is really dry. So delicious! ...Moving on. Dinner was a lot of fun. Di and Jayne and I are damn compatible. Well. Maybe compatible would be going a bit far.... Di and I are compatible, Jayne and I are...we get by, and Di and Jayne are just...all over the place. But the three of us, we're good together. I feel very fortunate two have these two great friends that steadfastly stand on my side and care about me--while being incredible fun, and pervy, to add. And both are totally cool with checking out both guys and chicks with me, and it's just...amazing to me. Yay!

The next day, Jayne came over to get her bike and ended up staying for most of the day. I pretty much read The Kite Runner all day while she played WoW on my laptop. It was fun having someone to rant about the characters to, haha. Di called and we stayed on the phone with her pretty much the whole time. I cooked her my miso udon noodle soup for dinner (one down, one to go--I owe her two dinners for...making up for something; I don't really remember what, LOL), yay!

More later. :) I need to showaaaah.

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mood: a little tired
music: Over My Head - The Fray

Because pictures are so fun.

From before Taiwan:


She refused to take another one in the bathroom, so it's blurry, boo. But we're still hot!


Flight attendant and referee?


This is what I would dress like if I was a party!Asian. I have to say, I look damn good in it.


LEFT: I swear this is longer than what half of the girls wore to both Winter Formal and Prom...; RIGHT: Does that not look like Jess? Seriously. It was a cute shirt and skirt, though.


Skankiest skirt ever. In Di's words--the new stripper uniform.


Diana is so pretty!


So should've gotten this, except that the shirt was way cheap and the skirt waaaaaaay short.


Elaine in pink. Bizarre, I know.

~

And then from Wild Rivers:


Look at that sad cleavage.




I look like I have some semblance of a chest here.... Wahh.

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mood: disappointed that it's this late already! I don't feel like I accomplished much today! I haven't even read a piece of fanfiction yet! How unfortunate.
music: This Love - Maroon 5

I just finished reading The Kite Runner, which I've been dying to read for a long time but had been hesitant to purchase it due to the enormous pile of books I've been meaning to read but have yet to. Luckily, it being one of the choices on the AP Lit summer reading list gave me the perfect motivation to read it. And oh man, am I glad it did. What a breathtakingly beautiful book. It definitely deserves to be a bestselling novel. I spent much of the time I spent reading it with tears in my eyes and cried a few times. Maybe I'm not exactly the least emotional of people so my scale is skewed, but I do believe that a work of art (a novel, a story, a movie, a scene) that can bring me to tears is a splendid work of art indeed. It's not about me being sappy--it's about a creation infused with so much meaning, a story written so well, a scene executed so perfectly that it touches someone so deeply--despite its fictionality.

Fanfiction that makes me weep always has a special place in my heart. I still remember when I used to read Gen (it was kind of odd; I went from being into het smut to scoffing that and just reading a bunch of gen fics to yaoi/slash romance), I was totally obsessed with HP MWPP-related time-travel fics, and I found this really good one that just made me sob in front of the computer for hours. Oh man, it was good stuff. I think I've gotten a little tougher over the years (or maybe the writing has receded), but that makes writing that brings me to tears even more special, yeah?

I have way too much to blog about. Here we go!

On the Wednesday after movies with Jeff, I slept over at Di's. Yes, Mother acutally let me! It was pretty awesome. When I got to her house, I put my WoW auctions up (and Diana watched me in ecstatic glee) and then Nina drove us to the pool. We fooled around for a while; the pool at her new place is so cool! It has like a shore end and even some waterpark-like apparatuses. How fun! Then, we made our way back in the sweltering, unforgiving heat of the sun (heh) and once back at Di's, we ate sandwiches and watermelons and watched...some random Bratz movie, LOLOL. Nina got it from Netflix just for us, HAHA. I love Nina; she's freaking hilarious. We had a great time laughing at everything about it. Then, we watched 300 (LOL, crazy change of pace, huh) while eating fries/criss-cross fries from Carl's Jr. That was a lot of fun, esp. laughing at the "hos" and gushing about how beautiful Lena Headey and how sexy the relationship between Leonidas and Gorgo was. Wow. (LOL, I just typed WoW by accident.) How unsexy is that name? Oh, well. She's gorgeous. I am also totally in love with blindfold man. (So too lazy to imdb his name again.) Rawr.

After that, we went upstairs and played WoW until like 9 the next morning, when we finally went to sleep. We finished STV (finally!) and must've done a billion quests. It was a lot of fun. At four in the morning, I started to get hunger pangs (four was my "dinner" time) and was freaking out and demanding that we stop playing for a minute so that I could go grab something to munch on, but Diana kept making me wait. So I waited for another hour and a half--by then my stomach was in immense pain--and then just ran to the kitchen. I engulfed watermelons, grapes, finished some leftover chips, and even swallowed a chunk of banana that Di offered me--I don't like bananas and haven't had them for at least five years. I even gagged on the taste of it--but I swallowed it 'cause I was so damned hungry. It was hilarious. After my five-minute feast, I still felt pretty bad, but ignored it (instead just lying down on the ground every ten minutes or so).

At nine, we cramped into Diana's messy bed and slept until like five in the afternoon. I checked my phone for missed calls and found a text from Jayne reading, "What would you do if I said I was coming back a week early?" and showed Di, who squealed. I replied and then she called and told us that she was coming home that Sunday, and we both immediately let out shrill squeals of "OMG!!!" It was pretty cute. I don't think Jayne really registered how excited we were in that moment because later she being all stupid and insecure and doubting that we wanted her back [roll eyes], but whatever. If I'd been her, then I would've been really touched. Anyway, she said that she was on WoW, so we ditched all other plans and ran upstairs to get on to play with her. Later, before she dropped me off, Nina brought us to Panera (my request/rec, kinda) and it was kinda funny because everything seemed to...not be available. The poor cashier chick had to turn us down on practically everything on the menu, just 'cause they were closing. The food was still delicious as usual, though. Seriously, Panera and CPK are two places where you seriously can't go wrong! My two favorites. Oh, and Yen! Mmm, sushi.

Okay, I really didn't mean to stay up this late. Time to attempt to sleep! More about the rest of my fun days later.

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mood: pleased
music: Candyman - Christina Aguilera

we drank champagne and we danced all night

Because I feel guilty for going out so much and blogging so little.






This was a bizarre book I saw in the gigantic, multilingual bookstore in Taipei 101.


The view of Taipei from 101. Dude, it's so fucking high; I almost pissed my pants everytime I looked out the window and down at how tiny everything was. The people didn't look like ants. The buildings did.


Yilan is so picturesque. And so, so rural.


I have never seen grass this green!




Are those not the coolest bottles ever?


...LOL. The picture speaks for itself.


My name in Chinese. Yilan, like the city we were in! (Father's hometown, haha. Also just the Mandarin-ation of Elaine, really. I've always been absurdly proud of the fact that my parents chose my English name before they chose my Chinese name. They agonized over both equally, though, haha.)


I noticed that a lot of buildings in Taiwan had like...a grid outside. Like...instead of stucco/cement, they were like...griddy! Tiles. I asked Mother about it, and she said that yeah, they were tiles, and that they use those because since it's so humid there, buildings rot (is that the right word? Spawn mold?) easily, so the tiles cover it up. I thought that was pretty fascinating!


A random pretty park in Yilan.


Jess is so pretty!




I'm sexy. :D


This was a bizarre sign in a bakery. Jess screamed, "OMG, that's racist!" the moment she read it. I laughed at the education the kids are getting these days. Good stuff.




New shoes?


The most hilarious fobby shirt ever. I wish I'd bought it. Why didn't I buy it?!


One of the random pictures we found at a distant relative's house. My...great-aunt's random extra house? Anyway, I thought it was cute. Oh. It's me, if that wasn't obvious. Hahah.


Jess and I were bored at my great-grandmother's house, so I proposed that we design/draw a bunch of fonts (with the letter "J" for "Jessica") on the shoebox of one of her new shoes, haha. We mildly remarked on how nerdy the entire thing was but agreed that it was loads of fun.


My new hairstyle. I love it.








Randomass humongous statue we saw on the freeway.


The inside of the bullet train--so damn clean! I was in love.




Gourmet Pringles. How fucking bizarre is that? (Can you tell bizarre is my new word?! )

ETA: LOL, I miscoded this entire entry: I did hyperlinks instead of like...images. Wow, I don't think I've ever made such a stupid mistake! This is monumental.

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mood: bitter
music: Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer

Oh, how I wish I could take offense lightly. I've still never gotten over the Something Awful incident last year. (Cars, the LJ slash comm, my Chick/Lightning fic, my really offended e-mail...) The BeexSam LJ comm got ridiculed this weekend, and a lot of the authors are taking it very lightly, finding it hilarious, but I just can't. I find it very offensive and hurtful, and I hate that.

Di was showing me some funny WoW stuff on SA the other day, and she was like, "This guy's an asshole, though" (it was ridiculing WoW players who are like...golddiggers' dream men), and I instantly said, "Everyone at SA is an asshole." She pointed out how prejudiced that is, and I conceded.

I've never been very fond of fandom wank.

Well. Thank goodness that I don't take flames seriously. That guy who apparently was going to report my Zack/Cody to the police... Ahaha. That shit was hilarious. But even better was all the reviewers who kept repeating over and over again, "Don't let the flames get to you." That kind of support is so nice, especially from strangers. I really love online communities.

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mood: excited about tomorrow
music: Not In Love - Enrique Iglesias

I created a new recs journal. I read a lot of fics that I really like, and sadly, my Memories on LJ are very messy and FF.net always gets the censored version of things (boring! Ya know, after like six or seven years, I still can't get over that stupid restriction--and now LJ's going through some fucked up shit as well, and a lot of people/comms are getting really paranoid/fleeing ), and my bookmarks aren't exactly organized either. Besides, it's a pain having everything all over the place. So I thought I'd make a recs journal, and as I was coding the layout, I suddenly remembered that I'd made a recs journal years ago, but I had to search for the name, hahaha. So yeah, I'm really happy with it. It'll be great having a neat record of stories that I like. I remember when I still kept a really, really neat list...with symbols and alphabetical order and pairing markings and...then I lost it when I cleared my computer a few years ago. (Along with the damn uncensored archives of this site, argh!)

Jayne and Diana say that I might as well quit Marching Band now. Jayne takes extreme offense at the fact that I didn't go to that first one (I seriously lay in bed for an hour arguing with myself about it.... I was fucking terrified), and that I missed yesterday's because I slept over and Mother told me sleep was more important. Diana was just saying that it would be pointless to keep going on so agonized, and that it'll be really, really tough for me to wake up and go to school for zero. Their arguments make sense to me. I want to give up. I wanted to give up like the day after I gave Mr. V my forms. But. God, I signed up for this. Am I seriously going to chicken out? Can I seriously not commit to anything? Am I seriously such a fucking wimp that a school activity scares me to death? It's fucking ridiculous! I'm fucking ridiculous.

And Mother's not helping. She was like, WTF, when I told her I was joining, and she's still like WTF about pit practices (esp. since they keep being canceled), and she's just so... I want her to be like, making me go. I feel too...able to make my own decisions, and this is so difficult for me. Why did I sign up if I'm so scared? Well. I thought that I'd be able to conquer this stupid fear, that I'd have a great time, that I'd get to spend more time with my friends. And...I suppose the real determining factor was that everyone wanted me to join. Like...everyone except for Mother and Di was so excited about it. And that's what I can never resist doing, huh. Pleasing everyfuckingone. It should've tipped me off when I spent every night before falling asleep worrying about being in Marching Band in general. But now it's too late, and I don't want to back out--I fucking hate hate hate disappointing my friends more than anything--but I don't... I want this willpower. I want to conquer this. I just don't know if I have the motivation. And UGH, something this stupid shouldn't be causing me so much stress, but it damn well is. It also annoyed me immensely when Jayne implied that I had ditched all the pit practices, making it sound like there'd been a billion practices, and I'd skivvied off for all of them. There have only been three that I have actually been able to attend, and while I have only attended one, it's not like I'm ditching. I'm not not attending just so I can go hang out with friends or something. Which I believe makes all the difference.

Mark made me take his quiz on Facebook, and I failed it. I felt horrible. And the worst part is, most of the questions that I got wrong were just like...bad guessing, because the right answer had been my second choice. Argh! He called me a failure, and he was joking (...I hope), but I really feel like a failure. 52%! That's totally abysmal! I feel like a bad friend for knowing him better. At least I felt better when he failed mine, too. But still. Why don't I know him better?! All of his other close friends beat me, and I'm supposed to be his closest--therefore know him best! This is so not fair. I'm trying not to dwell on it. 'Cause I guess in the end, it's not who knows you best that really matters, yeah? It's who will be there for you when you need it--who will comfort you, who will support you, who will help you, who will stand up for you. And I dearly hope that I at least accomplish this.

So the other day, Diana and I stayed up all night and then had a Diana-and-Elaine style sleepover at my house. As in, in the middle of the day. Hahaha. After staying up for a while watching WoW-related YouTube vids, I managed to convince her (along with my brain) to sleep. Later, Mother drove us to TMP and we watched...Bratz, LOLOL. Best friend ever for being willing to do that for me, ahahaha. The moment I saw the trailer, I knew I had to see it, and I was pleasantly surprised that Di'd agreed to watch it with me, hee. (I have a weird thing for high school movies and girls like that on the big screen.... Yeeeaah, I don't really know how to explain it, but I devour all the stereotypical cliques and the drama between the queen bee and the rebellious people and eeee! ...Let's call it a quirk of mine. ) So we watched it. And it was...hilarious! Di and I laughed so hard throughout most of it, and she especially had fun insulting their outfits. One of the girls (the singer) got together with this deaf boy. That was a cute addition. (Literally! ) I also enjoyed my Jamba Juice smoothie that we snuck into the theater.

After the movie, we trudged over to the theater across the street to see if the movies Di wanted to see were playing there. There was still quite a bit of time left, so we went to Barnes & Noble. We saw Victor at the Cafe there, and we hesitated to say hi/pondered how to casually say hi. (I'm not very good at this, as is evident by the haunting memory of how I shouted his name across the room at Festival. In front of Michael, too... Oh, man. ) Deciding against saying anything at all, we headed towards the magazine section, and Jeff came up to say hi, out of nowhere. Jeff was in Di's AP Art class and both of my English classes the past year; I met him through Mark. First semester, he just thought I was pervy. Second semester, he just thought I was too complicated, I bet. I ragged on him for saying "fag" and a bunch of other...unpleasant epithets. (Oh, I've blogged about it before.) I felt a little bad for that, but he taunted Jayne about it ('cause he knew how upset she got over the word because of all the English class drama) on AIM this one time (she blocked him) and the next day, she wasn't speaking (sore throat and trumpet solo that night), so he said it a lot just to piss her off. I find this attitude immature and inappropriate, but he is a nice kid.

After Victor came up to him and we all chatted for a little bit, Di and I told him that we were waiting for a movie, and he asked if we wanted to go see something at the Spectrum--he'd drive us. Surprised, we said sure. He spent the next fifteen minutes desperately searching for Victor and then trying to convince him to come with us. Poor guy, haha. But Victor was too tired, so we piled up in his car, and he drove us to the Spectrum. He got a ticket for me (he works at the theater), which was really nice of him, and we even went to McDonald's to get a bag for him to get free popcorn for us, ahaha. Well, I ate more than the two of them combined, even though I relinquished the bag to Jeff (who basically just sat there holding it; I felt bad) halfway through the movie because I didn't want to be a hog. Seriously, nice kid. Oh, and we saw the Simpsons movie, haha. It was...way less tasteless/way less crude than I had expected, which is definitely a good thing. I really dislike crude humor. Once, we were watching South Park at Erin's house, and Diana was like, "You think this kind of humor is below you, huh," and I had to agree, haha. It's not that I don't think dirty jokes are funny--they've just got to be witty, too. In fact, I love innuendo more than anything. Yay?

Jeff went home and we waited for Nina to pick us up, in the dark, all alone... We were really paranoid about rapists/being kidnapped, haha. We called Jayne so that we'd be on the phone, but she just got mad that we were out and "having fun". So Di had to pretend that she was still talking to her, and she spun this complex story about Jayne and her boyfriend Ryan, ahaha. It was pretty funny. And that night and a few times later, Jeff and I talked, and it's nice. It was pretty funny arguing with him about the quality of Yu-Gi-Oh! in the car.

Okay, I really should sleep now. Di and Jayne are coming over bright and early tomorrow! Please, please, please let the conflict be minimal.

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So I was looking up some Ironhide/Ratchet (great pairing!), and I found this on like the third page...



Hahahaha.

Also, I posted up my first Digimon fic, Wallace's Eyes (Wallace/Daisuke), up the day before yesterday! Not expecting a lot of feedback (although I did get two reviews already!), since it's kind of an aged fandom now, but I was watching the movie that Jayne got me for Christmas (I can't find my VHS ) and was just like... OMG, must write! It's not too mushy or over the top, 'cause I really can't imagine it being that way with those two--or many characters, really, which I suppose is kinda interesting. Hrm. But anyway, hooray for writing! At least I've done one productive thing this summer! ...Apart from being freaking level 46, that is!

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Great fanfiction and great friends.

What else's a girl to ask for?

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mood: reluctant
music: Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5

Last Thursday, we went to the OC Fair per Amanda's request. We had a good time. We all realized that we've been totally spoiled by $80 Disneyland...especially Maggie, who went on the roller coaster with Amanda and just kept yelling, "This is so ghetto!" the entire time. Hahaha. Anyway, Mag came over first because her house is far and Beth didn't have time to drive all the way there. We got to talk and tease each other (about certain admirers, hehehe) and stuff; it was fun. Beth dropped us off, and since half of us hadn't eaten lunch yet, we got some yummy food. I got Hot Dog On-a-Stick! So freaking overpriced, but so freaking good at the same time. The trademark lemonade, too! (I miss Mainplace! But I'm afraid to organize an outing for it because I have nooo money....) Then, we walked around aimlessly and checked out the rides and attractions. There was this...huge scary thing that was basically just two really long arms and like four seats at the end of each arm, and it just...swung around and flipped and stuff; I got the chills from just watching it. Meep. Diana was so bummed that none of us wanted to go on it; she was like, "Why can't Jayne be here?!" Hahaha.

We got some tickets and went on the bumper cars and then realized that the rides were really fucking expensive. So we gave our remaining tickets to Mag and Amanda so they could ride the roller coaster. Then, we went to the animal section of the farm, and Amanda, Erin, and Mag went in to pet the cows and goats and stuff while I hung back in fear and Diana hung back in a mix of loyalty and distaste, hahha. We had fun laughing at the Barbecue that was essentially in the middle of what was somewhat a petting zoo. Then, Mag dragged us to go see Pig Racing, which is...LOL. It was pretty weird that everyone was so excited over like twelve pigs (four at a time) running around a tiny track. That was more amusing than the actual pigs, hahaha. But we got coupons for a free pound of bacon (with a $20 purchase, of course) at Ralphs, so that's kinda cool. Then Amanda and Di got a funnel cake and shared it with us, which was a total mistake on their part, because we ate that thing in like...less than two minutes.

After that, we had dinnerrrrr. I got some corn on the cob! (And lots and lots of butter.) Good stuff. Not as good as Taiwan's, but good nonetheless. It was so fun smearing all that butter on and watching everyone grimace in disgust. After dinner, we walked around and played random midway games (so expensive! ) and gobbled down another funnel cake, heh. Then, we spent like half an hour staring at the spray paint artist in the front. He did this thing of Spiderman (Di guessed it so easily!) that was amazing and just really, really cool. Then, Beth picked us up, and we went to go see the chickens (and bazillion other animals) at this gay couple's house. Seriously, what was with all the animals that day?! I was terrified to death and really reluctant about going, but they ended up convincing me to get out of the car. In the end, I just sat on a step in the backyard and debated whether Jayne or Mark would more likely not be having dinner so that I could call while shuffling through the pictures on my camera. Everyone else played with the chickens, which was amusing to listen to, haha. The house was adorable. Diana loved it to death and ranted on for five minutes about how ridiculous it was that no woman would ever be able to design a house so perfect. (It was hilarious.)

Afterwards, Beth dropped us off at Erin's house, and we hung around for a while, playing Mario Party 8 and stuff. I almost won, but the CPU beat us all. And it was set on "Easy," too. How ridiculous. After I got home, I played WoW with everyone, yay!

You'd think that all this WoW that we play together would bring Di and Jayne a lot closer. When they played on the same account, it brought them a lot closer: it was their thing. When we got Jayne her account, they still mostly played separately, so it was okay, but neither were ever very happy playing together. Jayne is very volatile with even me, but with Diana, she's just a bomb waiting to go off. Oh, I have no doubt they adore each other. (Jayne bought Diana a freaking 9g ring the other day!) They just also upset each other very easily. Jayne's always said that she really missed Di during the four-month absence, but she kinda didn't want her to go back. This has always upset me a lot (it just reminds me of how everyone was always like, oh, why the hell did you invite Diana; we don't want her here 'cause she might get us sick, blah blah, which is just...to me, it's just undeniably mean), but I do understand why she would say something like that. Let's just say Diana is very good at striking at critical nerves--and Jayne rears up at the slightest prompt. It's not like I wanted them fighting all the time, either.

But anyway, back to my point. This summer, we've been playing WoW together--all three of us (and occasionally Erin, when she has time/is allowed to). It was just a ton of fun in the beginning, and it still is sometimes. But other times, Diana says one thing, Jayne's mood completely changes, and the atmosphere is just unbearable. We've also been doing a lot of three-way calling, and it's been really fun, talking to two of my best friends at the same time. But the other day, Diana called me and then had to go for dinner and told me to call her when I finished a certain quest. Then, Jayne called, and we talked for a while. I remembered that I'd said to call Di back (and I usually forget to, so this was monumental), so I three-wayed her into the convo. Jayne got pissed at something Di said and hung up. She messaged me on WoW and asked me why I had to three-way Diana everytime she wanted to talk to me.

I got so fucking pissed.

I threw a fit and ranted about how sick and tired I was of the shit between her and Mark, and that she was not going to give me another friendship to stress over, and all this other shit. Oh man, I was so fucking mad. She told me I was misunderstanding and that it wasn't that she didn't like Diana, it was just that sometimes she just wanted to talk to me (even though we'd talked a lot that day already--but she said she apparently had a bunch of other stuff to tell me, and I was like, why the fuck didn't you tell me, then?!, and she said because I had been talking. I think that's just stupid; I was rambling and scrambling for topics; it wasn't like I had some fucking life changing story to tell her or anything), and then I had to go, but I apologized for misunderstanding her if I really was misunderstanding her--it was a reluctant apology, but I'm trying to be a more understanding and good person, and I suppose conceding a little is the key to any relationship. Anyway. I was not in a good mood. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's when my friends can't stand each other. But, well. Looks like I'm gonna have to get damned well used to it this upcoming school year....

Okay, Diana's making me sleep; more about yesterday and quizzes and pit and movies later!

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So I just started a new RL story regarding like time travel and regret and stuff (eh, still workin' out the kinks, but I hope that it'll be pretty cool), and wow, I love my writing. It's gotten so much better in the past year (English class at school has helped a lot--esp. regarding sentence structure!), and it's just, wow. I don't believe that I have that...that style that just radiates..."I can write," but if I'm a total amateur, I'm damn high on that amateur meter.

My stuff flows very well, I think. And wow, is that not the nastiest way of saying that I like my style. Every author has their specialities, that one thing they are just fanfuckingtastic at. My thing is one-liners! I love first sentences, last sentences, and all those little sentences in between that just stand alone without a paragraph to blend them in. You know, it's kinda odd because usually I'm just...so damn wordy, but those sentences are seriously concise. And that's where the power that lies within them is, yeah? In their conciseness?

In other words, go me!

[/worshipself]

More about the OC fair and Erin's and today and quizzes later!

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mood: tired but not sleepy
music: Cabin Romance - Lifescapes (my sleepy music!)

Note to self: Make a freaking recs LJ. Would make life a lot easier.

So, where were we! ...I have all of my dates screwed up. Some random day, Diana came over at like eleven (she said eight, LOL) and brought carrot cake, cranberry soda, peanut butter pretzels, and...peaches? She brought her laptop, too, so we chilled in my room. Man, we always get so silly when we're alone; it's great. I read random fanfiction while she looked up...Cloverfield? And we talked to Jayne and stuff, yay! I also randomly took a shower, and I left her in my room. Like. By herself. You have no idea how monumental it is. I have never trusted her to be alone in my room/house/with my family. She's stolen a lot of stuff before, so yeah. And she's also the kind of person who would like...mess something up or "misplace" something on purpose and stuff like that, so I've always been paranoid. It's a major reason as to why I always have Jayne over, but I almost never have her over. It makes me feel terrible, but at least this means that I'm getting better about it.

At three or something, Mother dropped us off at the bowling alley, and we were like...total ditzes to the guy at the counter. It was hilarious. We played two games, and Diana really, really sucked at both of them. I laughed. A lot. Then we went to Boomers and just played all the games that give out tickets like crazy. I wasn't that great at anything, but Diana got the Bonus thing for like everything, hahaha. We ended up with like 2,000 tickets (including my 145 from Erin's birthday, hahah). I got two sunglasses-wearing rubber ducks and a packet of Cars markers! How fun.

After that, we were both starving (we hadn't eaten since the carrot cake), but Nina wouldn't be able to pick us up for another hour, so I called Mark to ask him for directions to the nearest plaza. He was actually really helpful! Not that I didn't expect him to be, but usually when you say, "Hey, I'm at Boomers right now; do you know where the plaza nearby is?" you don't get such a comprehensive answer, haha. Although it was kinda funny because I was totally unsure and then he ended up being totally unsure and then Di and I just ended up being like...oh, fuck it, we'll just walk until we reach one (this city has plazas like every other block, hahaha). Luckily, his directions were spot-on, and we found foooood. Ameci's! Di's fave! (The guy who took our order was cute. ) We got yummy pasta takeout, and then Nina picked us up and dropped me off. Eating yummy, very plain pasta while reading fanfiction is a fantastical thing.

On another random day, Erin signed on WoW (yay!!!), and I quested with her and she asked Di and me to go see Meet the Robinsons with her and Kelli and Kelli's friends. So Nina picked me up and dropped us off at the dollar theater ($1.50 for a movie! That is unbelievable, even if the theater seems quite old, and Diana claims it's smelly. (Being friends with snobs is so funny sometimes.) It was just the uncleaned theater floors that bugged me, but I can deal with that!) It was a cute movie. Not anything spectacular, really, but Wilbur was damn good-looking (both Diana and even Erin agreed), hee. And it is awesome hearing Rob Thomas's voice in surround sound, in a movie theater! "Little Wonders" FTW!

In old, old news, I got 4's on both of my AP tests (English Language and Bio). Disappointed? Oh, yeah. A lot. I've been avoiding thinking about it at all, really. I really had a lot of faith in myself this time. Or at least I think I did. I mean. I really thought I was going to get at least one five. Well. I was wrong, and...there's nothing that I can really do about it. I guess there's no use whining about it too much. I've never liked the AP test grading scale. It's too...small. Too many people are grouped in the same score. I don't like that. It makes me feel stupider than I really believe that I am. (Last year, when I got my Euro results, I was really, really disappointed and angry at myself for not being grouped with the people that I believed that I was equal to.) But, well. The College Board is like God at this point in my career, haha. Please it or suffer forever. Kelly and Mark both got fours in English, too. This makes me feel a tiny bit better, but not by much. More than anything, I feel sorry for them, because getting three fours in a row is better than getting a billion fives and then a lonesome four. I said to myself, well, at least getting a bunch of fours is very consistent and looks very nice typed out! Welp. What can I say? If I can't satisfy my perfectionist self by getting kickass scores, I'll just satisfy it by getting neat, pretty scores. Hah. Call me crazy, but this is how I deal.

Di's coming over in an hour or so, and I still can't sleep! It's seven in the morning! Blargh. More later!

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Jayne says we're doing way more than she'd expected us to do, but I feel like we're doing way less than I'd expected. I feel really sorry for her; she says she's having a really boring summer up in Norcal, not being able to spend it with her friends. I've been trying to cheer her up by subtly reminding her of last summer and saying that, well, at least it's not a horrible summer--she seems happy enough with Kyle and her family. Listening to them interact (over the phone), you can just... She's just way more carefree and happy than she ever is down here. It makes me kind of sad, that like... That what makes Jayne so pissy and crabby a lot of the time is her mom breathing down her back, and it's like... She could be so much more if she weren't restrained by that, yeah? Not sure if that makes sense, but yeah. I mean, her stepmom grounded her for threatening to punch Kayla for like two days, and she didn't even complain. I said to her, "You're really a lot happier up there than you are down here, huh?" And she said yeah. I asked her if she'd really rather spend a miserable summer down here with her mom yelling at her all the time and causing her to be in a bad mood all the time, but she said that hanging out with us would make it worth it. Awwww.

...Okay, there's Diana's daily call; more about the last week later tonight!

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