Happy New Year's! :) It sounds so trite, but I can't believe 2004 is already over. I can't decide whether to be saddened or excited. It was quite a nice year... So much has happened. I truly believe that I have become a better person over the course of the last year. More accepting, carefree, open, and less arrogant and antisocial. Hopefully things will get even better this year. I'd like that. As a family we didn't really do anything, other than yell, "Happy New Year's!" simutaneously at midnight. Then we all went back to doing whatever we'd been doing. Ah, I was almost going to say, "Happy New Year's" to Michael, but then I...didn't. He's in Japan, so I guess it would've been weird. I don't know.

I got a little farther on my Geometry project today... It's actually due later than I'd orignally thought, so that's a good sign. Now I just have to complete my Biology homework and study for that damned genetics test. Hrm. Oh, and I'd nearly forgotten. New layout! :D It's of the lovely painting, Nighthawks, by Edward Hopper. I just love the meaning behind it. Oh, and I know that I've been so behind at maintaining this site. And all my other sites. I will work on them, I just have to find the time. =\ I hope I'll finally have time for that, plus commenting, soon. [guilty]

plugs Furai

@ PM 8:24 #

I hate this rainy season. It's been a while since Southern California's had a downpour like this one. I'd like it better if I got to stay inside during all of it, but no, there's school. Being out in the rain always makes me feel all damp and uncomfortable. Blah. Went to Chinese school today and was vaguely informed of the Santiago Charter Middle incident. My teacher is one of the vice principals at the school, so she wasn't allowed to say much. I think the worst part of it is the betrayal of the children's trust. And especially from a teacher figure, whom the children have respect for, regardless of whether they deny it or not. =| The year has been going well so far. I have been able to restrain myself from using the computer until everything else is done. I've been practicing piano, violin, excercising, writing... So yay. Hopefully it'll become a habit and I'll stop being stressed because of procrastination. :) Speaking of procrastination, I finished my Geometry project! This is the first one I haven't stayed up for. :D

Wow, in the middle of typing this entry, the electricity went out. And it lasted two hours and half. I haven't experienced a blackout like that since I moved from Virginia! The whole community was out; it looked so eerie outside with the dusty rose sky and seemingly grey atmosphere. Whenever the sky is a weird colour it always feels like the world is ending. Heh.

plugs Maggie Jessa Clement Kristine Cin

@ PM 10:32 #

Family is strange and ununited as usual. Father has been coming home at ungodly hours like 3 AM. Jessica is suddenly super-prone to spontaneous bursts of fiery anger. All Mother does is complain and whine and worry and nose around. And me? I still haven't gotten a decent sleeping schedule. Slept at 4 AM yesterday, woke up, went to school, pretty much collapsed around 6 PM, and didn't wake up until just now, 2 AM. Life is strange.

But something lovely did happen. Michael said that he wasn't annoyed with me liking him, that he wouldn't mind if I talked to him, and that I don't annoy him. :) Ah, I don't quite believe that I never did annoy him (I think the distance changed things). But it's all right; I feel a lot better now. Hopefully this will lead to good things. I still miss him horribly. (Did you know it's almost been two years? :O)

Winter Formal is coming up and everyone's been buzzing about it. Tom asked me, and I'm flattered, but I don't even know if I want to go. And even if I wanted to go, I don't know if I'd even be allowed to. Ah, blah. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I'd want to go with Tom. It's against my own morals to reject him, but I guess I should really start putting my own happiness in front of that of my friends. It's probably better to let him down gently than to lead him on. I guess.

plugs Clement Maggie Kristine

@ PM 2:33 #

It's finals week and part of me is frantic while the other part is laying back and saying it'll be a breeze. I do hope that I'll do all right. For Biology, we have the unit test plus the final on the same day--all in 95 minutes! Luckily, I've already begun studying for that, but I'm still nervous. The English final is a personal narrative/autobiographical essay to be done in class, and the Geometry one is just...everything we've learned. Actually, it shouldn't be a bad week, early dismissal and absence of homework and all. Well, I guess the downside is all the studying. ><

Am planning to go bowling or something w/ friends next weekend, after all the testing is over. To celebrate the end of finals/the semester and my two years of liking Michael. Hope some people will be able to make it. And on February 1st we'll be starting the new semester. You know what that means--new classes! Am quite nervous, because it feels somewhat like the first day of school all over again. Except I know my way around. But still. I'm horribly shy and awkward around people I'm not familiar with. I'll miss my current classes, and I hope I'll like my new ones just as much. We'll see! :)

Portland is down, which means that I can't update my minor sites. Am rather disappointed, since I'd planned on working on a few things over this weekend. I guess not. Hope they work it out soon. Now back to studying for Biology.

plugs Kristine Maggie Clement

@ PM 6:01 #

The past week has been great! The finals were a piece of cake. I finished both Biology tests in fourty-five minutes, both parts of the Geometry final were pretty easy, the Orchestra and Phys Ed ones were easy, and the only one I'm worried about is the English one. It was a timed in-class paper, and I'm a terribly slow writer, so I didn't quite finish in time. Well, I did, but the ending was all rushed and horrible. =\ Oh well, I guess.

We had both Friday and today off, so it was wonderful. I didn't get much rest, though! Tsk tsk. On Friday I went to the Spectrum with Kelly, Erin, and Diana. We watched In Good Company, which wasn't that bad. Everyone in the theatre was moaning and groaning about it, but I thought it was all right. Only major thing that happened is that Diana purposely pushed me when we were going down an escalator, and I yelled, "FUCK YOU!" in surprise. That made me so angry. On Saturday I went out to dinner at Macaroni Grill, my favourite Italian restaurant. On Sunday (yesterday) I spent the day with my sister at The Crossroads, and watched Are We There Yet?, which I didn't like much (too kid-oriented), but oh well. And today I visited PV with Mary. Had lunch at Crossroads and went to her house for a bit. So yes, I've had a lovely week.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new semester, and I hope my classes will be all right. And of course, HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY, KRISTINE! :)

plugs Maggie Kristine

@ PM 6:20 #

So. New semester, new classes, all the works. The workload seems to be much lighter than last semester, but I hear Biology is going to be really tough later on. I hope I didn't quit my job for nothing! I have quite a bit of classes with Maggie this time, which is real nice, seeing as we're re-bonding again. On the other hand, I'm beginning to fall out with Diana again, which hasn't happened since fifth grade. She's exasperating some of us. Sometimes she's still good for a laugh or two, but generally--Ugh. Maybe I'm just having another phase. Around this time last year I was falling out with Maggie, and now we're as close as ever. I don't know. All I know is that I'm not the only one irritated.

Ridtsy moved back to Taiwan last week. :'( I miss her. I didn't get to say goodbye or even see her before she left. Hopefully she'll be back in a year or so. I got the chance to talk to her last night, which was nice, yet strange at the same time. She's so far away now. =( Anyway. I shall be going bowling with friends tomorrow, which should be fun. I know I should really just sleep all day--school gets me so tired nowadays--but we've been planning this for a while, so blah. I wonder when I'm going to actually get enough sleep. I know I should go to bed before midnight, but I just can't. I'm never able to finish things before then. Maybe it'd be better if I didn't go out at all for a while and just stayed home and rested. I need it.

plugs Maggie

@ PM 9:41 #

Things are pretty quiet now. My biggest worry seems to be shielding myself from Diana's shit, and it's not that big of a deal (yet). So it's good. I guess. Having fun/enjoying myself w/ her always seems to lead to me being hurt or angry, so I just try to avoid/ignore her at all costs. Last year, when things were weird between Maggie and me, I wanted to argue with her, but I don't even want to speak to Diana. I miss her sometimes, like today when we were reminiscencing about the good times we had last year. And when she was saying something funny and we said the punchline at the same time--I'd known what she was thinking. I miss that. I miss the way things used to be, but things change, I guess. Sometimes I wish they didn't.

I've been talking to Michael a bit--not much, but a lot more than I used to. It's nice, really. Always puts a smile on my face. And every time I talk to him it gets easier and easier--it's such a nice feeling. Heh. I feel so giddy. =) Yesterday/today in H World Studies we discussed "multiple persepctives" and intercultural concepts (prejudice, discrimination, etc.), which I thought was quite interesting. We watched a video in which this one extremist Christian woman who talked about how public schools are anti-Christian and that learning about other cultures in classes is unacceptable and 'pagan', things like that. I tried being open-minded towards this woman, which was so different and enlightening. I've always been the type to worry about what others feel/think, but truly accepting and understanding it is a completely different thing. Maybe I'll apply it to everyday life.

plugs Steph Maggie

@ PM 6:17 #

So maybe it's over between Diana and me. Everytime I spend time with her (never alone w/ her anymore) I think, "Hey, maybe this will mull over in time and thing's will be okay," but then she does something that just makes me lose that tiny shred of hope. Last week I'd been irritated with her most of the time, and then over the weekend I thought a bit and decided that I'd attempt to get us close again, but to no avail. It takes two to (re)build a friendship. Maybe she doesn't care anymore. I don't know. Are you supposed to be friends with people who go way too far in teasing you? Who push you down escalators for fun and wave knives in your face? People who only tell you they love you when they're drunk or you give them homework answers? She's funny and I used to think she was the only person who ever really understood me and was my best friend and most favourite person in the world for...six and half years. She used to be the one person I'd sacrifice Michael for. I keep asking myself if I think she's worth it, but I don't know. I don't know.

I remember last winter I was so angry at Maggie because she wasn't all that nice towards Diana. And I'd never thought things would come to this! Now we're breaking apart and Diana likes Maggie more than she likes me. For once, I'm not jealous. It just makes me so sad.

Onto happier subjects. I have been fiddling around with my new iPod mini all weekend... Heh. Father finally convinced me to let him buy me one (he and Mother had offered before, but I'd told him it was all right) and I have to admit, it's well worth it. :) I still feel guilty for putting that dent in his credit card, because the total was pretty intimidating. My sister received one as well, and he bought a Shuffle for himself. Eep.

So it has been a rather pleasant long weekend, so far. I have not stepped a foot out of the house, which I have to admit, has been nice. I miss the joys of spending time to myself. I have not even signed on AIM once, which is so liberating. I've even managed to write a few pages for my HP slash epic. !!! Tomorrow probably won't be as great, since I'll have a bunch of History homework to do. But still, it's been nice. :)

plugs Maggie Cin

@ PM 10:41 #