"Numb" - Linkin Park<01.02.04>
New layout, version twenty. =] It's not my usual style, but I like it. The art comes from a wallpaper from Softshape Art. It's wintery, which I find perfect for this month. It's pretty cold here in California this year...compared to last year, at least. Of course, to most of you, that's not saying much. ;]I haven't been doing much lately. Just sleeping at odd intervals and going on the computer when I'm awake. I've started this routine where I sleep at 8 AM and then wake up at around 5:45 in the evening. ...Go figure. Mother keeps telling me to go to sleep at 2 AM, though. She thinks that it's horrible that I sleep at 4 AM. Which I don't. ...But don't tell her that. -__-
I'm having an all right break. Not spectactularly spectactular (no social events :P), but it's all right. Sad thing is, Chinese School begins again on Sunday. [sigh] I still have to write a 200-word essay about my winter vacation. o_0 That'll take me a while. I'll probably have to look up every other word in my English-Chinese dictionary, LOL.
Father's leaving for China and Taiwan on a business trip tomorrow night. I must say, things will be much nicer around here without him. He's been coming home awfully late these days, even later than Mother, which is around 12-1 AM. Eep. I swear, Mother suspects him of having an affair or something. -__- This may sound horrible, but if he is I don't really blame him. We're not really the best family to have. =|
Oh, yes, as you can probably tell, I'm going back to the English names. Proper ones, of course, but that's just 'cause I feel awkward calling them by endearments. =[
was snowed in @ AM 9:37 |
"Numb" - Linkin Park
<01.05.04>
Oh, damn. Am crying again because of a fic. [sniffle] Man, why do well-written sappy slash stories always make me cry? [sniffle] They're just so touching... Hah, I'm a horrible romanticist. Gah. But hey, this time the tears fell from my left eye AND my right eye instead of just my right eye. And they fell from the opposite corners of my eyes too...like the inside corner instead of the outside.I should go wash my face. I never wipe my tears away in a middle of a fic (as well as RotK :P) because I...erm...want to honor? the fic. Erm, something like that. 'Kay, I'm going to go wash my face now...
...Right then. I'm back. ... ...
GAH! Now I'm crying again. -____- Maybe I have sensitivity problems...>< I'll be right back...
Okie. Err. Maybe it'd be better to stop my entry here. I'll probably end up bawling again in a few minutes, anyway...
<01.09.04>
Wow. Box 5 of my subtitled Yu-Gi-Oh! DVDs came today. I watched a few episodes with Jessica, and just...wow. Jounouchi's near-death and its effect on Yami no Yuugi just... Wow. I was seriously close to tears, which never happens with anime. And now I'm sniffling quietly to myself. I'm glad the DVDs finally arrived though, it has been at least a week since we ordered it and they usually come within two days. Jess woke me up early when the UPS guy rang the doorbell. =D Oh good, now I just need to order all those clothes. =] And now that I think of it, maybe a few posters as well? ;]Anyway, my days are kinda screwed up again. I'm hoping to be able to go to bed earlier tonight--the only reason I stayed up until 8 AM today/yesterday was because I was reading a fic. A really good fic, in fact, that I just finished. Of course, I cried. T_T Oh yes, I thought of the word to describe me now: sentimental. Gah. A sentimental romanticist. >>;
School starts on Monday. Well...it's been a great winter break. Nocturnity, lots of me-beating-my-records, and even some fic writing! In fact, I have proudly finished the first chapter of My Light in the Dark, which has become a total of 18! pages. That is completely unheard of from me. I hope to be submitting it to some archives some. If they'll accept it. ;]
was snowed in @ PM 9:46 |
"Figure.09" - Linkin Park
<01.10.04>
I cannot believe the nerve of Mother. And Father as well. They are so... Just, ugh.I've been wanting to buy some merchandise from CafePress for a while, and I was asking Mother today during dinner if I should use Father's credit card to buy them. She told me that I should wait until Father returned from Taiwan and China before purchasing them. Damn it. I wanted them to come as soon as possible. So then she asked what I was buying. I told her: shirts and a cap. She asked to see what was on them, so that Father wouldn't scold her for letting me buy something...err...I'm not sure exactly what, but I apparently I have to get her/Father's 'approval'.
Last time, I bought a book written by Anton LaVey on Satanism, because hey, I find it intriguing. Father yelled at both me and (apparently) Mother for buying something like that. He had no idea what it was, just that it had something to do with 'the devil'. Pfffft. He's probably afraid I'm going to go totally goth or something. -__-;
So Mother asked me during our 'discussion' what that book was, since she had no idea. I told her it was like anti-Christian kinda stuff, and since I'm totally against Christianity, I bought it. I left out the whole 'Satanism' thing, obviously. So then she asked why I was anti-Xtian. Told her that their beliefs are just stupid. She said that I should never express my opinons out loud. o_0 She gave me the example that if I got a job and my boss was Christian and I went around blurting anti-Xtian stuff, I'd get fired.
And then she brought up the incident of the other night when I was yelling at my relatives. She said that when I yelled about anti-homophobia, I shocked my relatives, which was incredibly disrespectful. And that it didn't matter whether my uncle (the one who started dissing gays) was right or not, because in the end he is always better than me and therefore he is right. WTF?!? So I just stared her down and said quietly, "He is wrong. And I have my reasons."
Anyway. Today I woke up at 5 PM, LOL. My last day of sleeping in. [sigh] School's starting up again; time to go back to hell. Took a quick shower and then watched Yu-Gi-Oh! DVDs with Jessica. Cried at one point. Just a tear. =] Dinner consisted of crab. Two of them. Yum. =D And here I am now...
was snowed in @ PM 11:14 |
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
<01.13.04>
Well. School's back.It has me tired out of my wits... Yesterday I took a four-hour nap after I came home. Then I woke up, ate dinner and did homework... And then I went back to sleep. And I'm probably going to go sleep again after I finish this entry. Anyway...
It's monotony. There's really not that much to say. Di's awesome, Erin's cool, and Maggie... =\ I'm really trying hard to like her more, but it's rather difficult for me. The way she treats Di and the way she just is really pisses me off sometimes. So I try to stay on the sidelines and let her live her life and act the way she wants to--it's clear that I can't do a damn thing to stop her.
Lots of people look different, but definitely not for the better. Was a bit disappointed at the changes, but well, it's their decision.
Okay. Will go sleep now. -__-
was snowed in @ PM 4:14 |
"Breathe" - Michelle Branch
<01.17.04>
Hrm.My CafePress order arrived. =D Re-read Pirate Dreams. Damn, love that fic. Did some work on Plastic Heart. And here I am now.
I've got a Chinese school final tomorrow. Uck. Haven't studied at all yet. And you know what? Mother told me that the only reason she's making me go to Chinese school at all is only because she wants Jessica to go, and if I don't go, Jessica will say that it is unfair. Now that is unfair. And stupid too, since she has to pay for me.
Anyway. Through a misunderstanding, Kristine thought that I wrote Artful Facade, LOL. If only I were that good. =] I'm still worried about Stargazer being accepted into FictionAlley. If I submit it, I mean. I think Diana'll beta it a bit. She's not an avid reader (of romance, anyway ;]) but she said she wouldn't mind. I have some qualms about her reading something romancy written by me, but I think I'll risk it.
And so ends my entry for today.
was snowed in @ PM 7:22 |
"With You" - Jessica Simpson
<01.18.04>
Am very intrigued by Fran's screencaps. Am now very interested in finding out about the Doom and Grand Prix arcs. Time to (waste time and) investigate on Google. ;] I'll show you a few...Whee, bondage! Omigod. And this is just cute. And more cuteness. And meet Jeek, who is so very flamboyantly gay, but very sexy nonetheless. ;] Well, in my case, it adds to the sexiness. XP Seto seems to disdain him with 'hnn's, though. But it's so obvioust that he's impressed. Seto's pretty flamboyantly gay too, you know, with his tight white suits and all. =D And here's nekkid!Yami. :D Yummy clevage bikerchick!Mai...
Yeah, that's it for now. ;]
was snowed in @ PM 6:37 |
"Wild Drive" - Yuugiou theme 3
<01.21.04>
Bad day. Wednesdays are usually bad days.Took an a test in Algebra. Hope I did okay. Am expecting a C+ or something of the like. ;] After school, ate McDonald's for second lunch. Went to piano lessons; was driven by Pang (my cousin) and his sister Tina. Hrm. Was tired and wasn't able to sleep since I had to tell him how to get there. Did okay at piano. In Timmy's class, I got complimented a lot. I'm pretty sure it's false flattery, but damn it, to be polite I still have to smile a lot. Have you ever smiled over and over again for a freaking hour? God. My mouth always hurts afterwards. [wince] Will go eat Chinese New Year's Eve dinner with family + relatives in an hour. At Sam Woo. Well, at least I like the food again now.
Am looking forward to the winter dance on Friday. Will probably have to follow Diana and Maggie around while they socialize, but oh, well... At least I get to go out for a bit.
...I should probably go hurry and finish my homework now.
Later.
was snowed in @ PM 7:25 |
"Papercut" - Linkin Park
<01.23.04>
Hey. Back from the dance. Was depressing, but I suppose I had fun. More than I would've had at home, anyway. So yeah. Oh yeah, I cried. Well, I teared, at least. Then Justin slid by and I was just like, "Meep."It wasn't dull, it was just... I don't know, really. Better than the Halloween dance, of course. Much better. But I guess the jealousy wave just hit full on. Especially with everyone socializing (including Di and Mag) and whatnot. So I just stood there, left out, eyeing people and dancing by myself. Now that is what I call a freak. Hrm. Being a freak by yourself is stupid. You just feel silly and freakish.
I think everyone had a good time. Well, at least they're happy. Some cute slow dance groups... =\ So I'm happy for them, I guess. Jealous, of course, but happy nonetheless. So I tried to cure the jealousy by eating a hell lot of pretzels and drinking away my woes with orange soda. I finished a can of it in two or so minutes, I swear. Didn't work; just made me dizzy. And I started eyeing everyone, which was a bit disturbing. Was licking my lips at someone but some sixth grade girl got in the way and looked at me oddly. Yep.
Made gooey-angst-ridden eyes at a snowflake that had lots of 'M' shapes on it. Mmhm. Doubted my sanity for a bit. Then Nguyen came over and gave me the oddest smile. [shiver] Left the snowflake after that.
All in all, it was a fun night, I guess. But you know, I always get my hopes up that something will happen, and nothing ever does. Really, if anyone (who was there) asked me to dance, I'd probably say yes. If.
was snowed in @ PM 9:06 |
"Carousel" - Linkin Park
<01.30.04>
HAPPY JANUARY 30TH! Yay. It's the anniversary of the day that I first admitted to myself what I thought about Michael. =] Can't believe it's been a year already. I was reading my archives (the real/angsty/gushy ones) and can't seem to recall how everything happened. I still remember how horrible it was back then... I mean, it was just hell. But today has been a wonderful day.Went to school all giddy-like and slightly dressed up. Didn't have time in the morning to do much. My friends were so nice about me making such a big deal out of this. =] I'm glad. I hugged Diana and Maggie a lot--and I even hugged Tiffany once. Heh. I didn't hug Erin just 'cause she doesn't like hugs. But that's okay.
Music was fun--I was all smiles. Algebra was amusing, which is just odd to say. Science wasn't too boring, and we had a substitute in English. =D In History we played the test-review game and I answered a lot of questions, despite the fact that our team (which consisted of only Mag and me) was completely outnumbered. Hah. Of course, the only reason I knew the answers was because of my notes (we were allowed to use them for once ;]), but that's okay. I felt proud and that's all that matters, right? XP Then I had Exploratory with Di, which is always nice.
Went walking after school... Passed him on the way back and yelled, "Happy January 30th!" Of course, he didn't respond, which was totally understandable and predicted. ;] And about the last entry... Well, I guess things have mulled over. I haven't exactly forgiven Mag yet, but at least we're okay, for now. I don't really want to ruin my happiness by talking about what happened, so I'll just skip it. And the lesson of the day is that though Maggie may seem like a bitch at times, she may be just being... well, for lack of a better word, stupid. =\
the nightshade struck @ PM 4:58 |
"Runaway" - Linkin Park
<01.28.04>
Well, now. This certainly adds a twist to things.I've got a lot to say/report. But as I'm leaving for piano lessons soon, I'll save it for afterwards--which may have to be tomorrow. Ah, and enjoy the new layout. =]
the nightshade struck @ PM 2:50 |
n/a
<02.01.04>
Happy birthday, Kristine. =]Went to Chinese school today. 'Tis very boring. I sat and wrote a tiny excerpt for In the Darkest Black. =\ Was talking to Mother about having no 'friends' there. In elective, I hang out with Kelly and Rosalind =] but in language class, I've got nobody. So it's rather dull. Mother was asking if I wanted to switch schools, but I'm like hell no. That'll just make it worse. And she keeps telling me to ditch first period to go with her to Jessica's Chinese flute elective, but I keep telling her no because I don't want to have to explain why I arrived late. -__- I'm hoping that my parents will let me quit after this year.
Am talking to Mag right now. I don't feel like I know her anymore. It's like after this whole her-being-social thing, she and I have separated into different realms. She's always so distant--no, I guess I'm the one being distant. But I don't know if I can trust her again, after everything we've been through. I don't know if I even like her anymore. Here's a sample of one of our conversations:
Mag: oh hi
Me: hi
Mag: erin sick
Mag: =[
Mag: meep
Me: i know...
Mag: =\
Oh, what good friends we seem, hmm? I don't know. I just wish she hadn't gone over to the other side. And since them--she's stopped hiding her hatred for Diana. Which I cannot stand.
the nightshade struck @ PM 3:02 |
"Bright Lights" - Matchbox Twenty
<02.04.04>
Ugh. February has not been a good month so far. Four projects (I lose track), a piano competition with no time to practice because of the projects, and Valentine's Day. Gah! History project (I just turned that in today), biography report for English, Aluminum research report for Science, create a game for Phys Ed... The piano competition's going to be so dull and I'm going to do so bad (That reminds me, my piano teacher's going to murder me at my lessons today... Fuck.). And Valentine's Day is cursed, I tell you. [sigh] Lotsa lovey dovey couples (both het and gay) loving each other, roses, chocolates, ugh. Jealousy abounds for me.At least next Friday is a Friday the 13th... And as I was born on Friday the 13th, it's a good luck day for me, right? ;] Let's hope.
the nightshade struck @ PM 3:01 |
n/a
<02.05.04>
Hrm. Good day today. Had a slashy dream about two certain guys from my school... They were kissing, LOL. 'Tis very yummy. And I happen to think these two make one of the cutest couples. Of course, I also like both of them a lot, so I'm probably more than a little biased. ;]Played the review-game in History again; did very good. Heehee. Am proud of myself. Let's just ignore the part where I say the only reason I knew the answers was because we were allowed to use our notes as reference. Yes, History was very enjoyable. Blushed a lot. XP
the nightshade struck @ PM 4:51 |
"My December" - Linkin Park
<02.06.04>
Okay. Mag and I are patching up our friendship. I think. Hopefully. She counseled/became a psychologist for me for a while on IM today, LOL. Usually it's the other way around. =] I'm trying to stop being so arrogant, I guess. 'Fix my attitude'... Man, I sound so lame. Anyway, I'm not exactly well-liked at school, and I know why now... Okay, it's not that I want to be more liked or to become one of them. I don't know, it's just now I know for fact that my peronality flaws are pretty noticeable and...well, flaw-y. So I'm going into some Personality Reconstruction.-__- Yes, I am pathetic. But hey, I guess this'll help later in life. [sigh] It's rather difficult, though. People think I'm weird because I'm quiet. Dude. I'm quiet because nobody talks to me. And when I interrupt a conversation, they don't like it and ignore me. So really, everyone's just rather controversial. The world's fucked up, that's for sure.
Anyway, Father bought some wireless connection thing to get more Internet. Like on the other computers instead of just the main one. It worked well at first--then kinda stopped working well after he took the line for my laptop and putting it with his laptop. -__- It's all rather confusing. Anyway, I'm hoping that this'll end up successful. I'd like to be able to use Internet on the laptop. =] It'd be nice not having to argue with Jessica all the time over who gets to go and stuff like that. Ehh. It all gets rather tedious after a while.
Went to a park nearby the school after school today. Heh. Mother got angry about that, but oh well. Not like it's anything unordinary. Had fun there with Di, Mag, and Erin. =] Michael and Victor came. Thought Victor was Amelia for a moment, LOL. Oops. =*] Then they left. ...Yeah. But that's okay.
Tomorrow, I'll be going to the block party/sidewalk sale thing at the plaza that Mother's bakery is in. Free food! =D And I'm going to meet Mag (maybe) and go with Di. Yay. Going out-ness. Well, kind of, at least. ;]
the nightshade struck @ AM 11:52 |
"One Step Closer" - Linkin Park
<02.08.04>
Yesterday was fun. Went to the block sale thing. =D Really lame 'Asian' (actually, it was just all Chinese -__- Damn people stereotyping Asians) performances--but everything else was nice. Lotsa people. First I met with Mag. Shopped at Morning Glory. Bought a new Lifebook (okay, fine, diary or journal), a new pencil, and another pencil for Mag. Hope she'll pay me back. Wandered. Met with Di. Mag left for a piano competition. Wandered more with Diana. Went everywhere, really. Junk at 7Eleven, fries at Mickey D's, Di got a coffee boba (which she threw out later) at Tea Station, ice cream at Baskin Robbins, etc. After a while, we went to the main stage. My teacher from Chinese school was the really lame announcer. 0_0 No wonder the voice sounded so familiar...Di jumped through the planter to get closer to the (back of the) stage--so I followed. And after I reached her side, I looked straight ahead--and guess who was there? Jerry, my favorite fourth grader in the entire world. He and I spotted each other at the same time and it was like something out of a movie. Loved it. I shrieked in delight and he made the most horrified/shocked expression ever and he started to scream. LMAO. It was so cute. And I don't usually find little kids cute; they're more annoying to me.
The two of us started running, hehehe. When we (Diana followed me after I shrieked and started running) caught up with him, it was so cute. He was like, "What are you doing here?" I asked him and Mark if they wanted anything form the Bakery--then they came with Di and me! Loved it, OMG. Jerry was like running around crazily inside the Bakery. He wanted a donut at first and then changed his mind and got a red bean bun. Uck, I'm not really into the Chinese bread thing. But it was still cute. And he and Mark both got chocolate mousses. Mark ate it in like a split second, LMAO. Jerry saved it for later. =] Sweet kid.
We talked and hung out with them until Jerry had to leave. OMG, I love Jer so much. He's like the babysittee/brother that I never had. And undoubtedly never will. Di and I hung around a bit after Jer left for piano lessons--then Mother took us to Fountain Valley branch of the Bakery. Shopped around the plaza--bought black shirt--and ate Hawaiian BBQ for dinner w/ Di. All in all, a rather nice day. I know I enjoyed it. =]
the nightshade struck @ PM 4:03 |
"Come Clean" - Hilary Duff
<02.09.04>
Needing more content. Everyone's getting into iframes now. It's amusing. But I shall remain different and unique! =P Okay, so that was just lame. I'm too lazy to bother with iframes. I like the way everything's laid out now, anyway. But I still need more content. And I shall get more! Myeh. And hey, speaking of everyone, some quick plugs: Ridts, Kristine, and Amelia. =]School's starting up again tomorrow. Damn. I really don't want to be going back so soon. At least there's another three-day-weekend next week. I'll be looking forward to that. Oh, but before that, I have a damn piano competition on Saturday. Valentine's Day, of all days. Oh, well. My V-Days have always sucked, anyway. Mag was trying to get my hopes up about that, but it didn't work too well. Now, anything remotely good regarding my love life just sounds lame and fictional. Ah, pessimism. Well, at least it prevents me from being hurt to much.
Oh hey, I guess I'll get to see Jer tomorrow.
the nightshade struck @ PM 9:38 |
"Castles in the Sky" - Ian Van Dahl
<02.12.04>
Lots of things have happened over the last few days.Maggie kinda tried converting me to Christianity... Err. Tried to break it to her kindly. There are two things that I'm very passionate about and those are atheism and anti-homophobia. And those ideas are not very accepted by Christians... =\ Well, stereotypical Christians, at least.
Erin and I are talking more now. =] Mag and I, too; we talk about our love lives (or lack thereof) and gush. Haha. It's fun. Di's getting more cynical by the second. Hrm. I guess that's okay. 'Nething else? Hmm. Competition this Saturday. Am dreading it. I'm not ready at all. Grr. And everyone's talking about Valentine's Day... Who would've guessed? -__-; Disappointed with lack of anyone to share the Hallmark holiday with, but I guess it was completely expected. I mean, come on, it's me.
Worked hard on the element project all afternoon. ...Am still not quite finished. I need to draw a diagram of an aluminum atom. [frown] I guess I'll do it on Photoshop... Though that's on the other computer and that comp's a bit messed up. Okay, so it's very messed up. If all fails, I shall resort to drawing on paper. Yeah, I'll probably get lazy and just end up doing that in the end. Now I just have to wait for Jessica to get off that computer so I can use it. Hrm.
Talked to Jerry and his posse again today. Bought Rohan his long-due Corn Nuts. Heh. He's so sweet, he asked for them a while ago and said that he'd either pay me back or give me a hug. I kept forgetting to buy them and yesterday he kindly reminded me. Bought them at lunch today and when I showed him the bag, he said, "Three, please." I kinda sat there for a moment, surprised. I had thought that he wanted the whole thing. So I asked him if he wanted the whole bag and he was like, "Ooh!" =D Told him to share with the other guys. Then asked if I got a hug and he said okay, but only if I hugged him and not the other way around. Didn't expect him to hug me, anyway. The kid's got nice morals; very fair. Kinda hugged him from behind for a second. =]
Bought some new clothes yesterday--that and new shoes for days without Phys Ed. =] And tomorrow's Friday the 13th--hope it'll be lucky for me. Oh, and one question for you wonderful commenters--is a new layout long overdue? =P
the nightshade struck @ PM 10:24 |
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
<02.13.04>
Eating cheese and drinking champagne. Okay, so it's just Martinelli's. Good enough. Had a relatively good day, I suppose. Rather normal, really. But after school Jerry let me hug him. =] Three seconds, LOL. I would be content with just one. I gave him the Fruit-By-The-Foot (the deal was a three-second-hug for the Strawberry Fruit-By-The-Foot), along with some Hershey's chocolate that I got from the teacher I am the aide for (it's my elective)'s Valentine's Day class party. He gave me candy from his class's party that he didn't want, hah. But it was good candy. Well, I opened the Jolly Rancher and it just fell to the ground, but since it's from Jer, I picked it up. 5-second-rule, according to Di, LOL. Mark also gave me some Twix. =] These kids are so sweet. Love 'em. They're the only guys in the school who will willingly talk to me.Friday the 13th, hmm. Wasn't all that lucky. Just dull.
Piano competition tomorrow. Haven't practiced very much yet. And the stupid thing starts at 9 AM and is at the Azusa Pacific University. o_0 Kinda far from here, so we'll have to wake up early. Ack. And it's a Saturday, damn it. Hmm. Got in trouble today for switching seats while the substitute was here. Hah. Was amused when Tomlin acted surprised that it was me. Ah, being icily arrogant around her is so fun. Well, now I have to write an essay about integrity. [raise eyebrow] Hrm. Not too hard at all. Just a page long.
Have adapted a bad habit of thinking too much in the shower and scratching my arms into oblivion while doing it. Then I purposely run them (all red and raw) under the hot water. Hrm. Masochism. Odd.
Have been thinking too much about not being liked. I disappoint myself--I thought that I was better than letting other people's comments get to me. But no, I'm stopping here. No more changing, no more "Hi, I'm nice". It's too difficult. However tacky this sounds, if people don't like me, then to hell with them. Like I said to Ridts, it's not my fault that they have bad taste in people/friends/acquaintances, whatever.
the nightshade struck @ PM 8:23 |
"Papercut" - Linkin Park
<02.14.04>
A bitterly happy Valentine's Day to you.Piano competition thing in the morning. Left at 7:45 AM. Ugh. Was tired--I mean, that early on a Saturday morning is just evil. Hrm. Did okay. Ended up playing random notes for several parts of one of my songs--but I didn't stop, and I got a Superior, so I guess nobody noticed. Even though the judges had the music. Odd. -__- Only problem is that now I have to go play at the 'honor recital' thing. And it's at a chapel, of all things. Meh.
And I only just got home--my competition thing was 9 AM but Jessica's was at 2:30 PM. So my family and I hung around in the car in the parking lot--I ache all over from trying to sleep in the car. Ugh. We left the place around noon because Jessica wanted to. -_-; Shopped around for a while at CompUSA. Bought some stuff--including a new mouse for this laptop. =] 'Tis cool. Looked for Photoshop 7, but they only had Adobe Elements and Adobe PhotoAlbum and PSP8. Hrm. Have heard that PSP8 is not as good as PSP7. Was disappointed, but that's okay, I guess.
Forgot it was Valentine's day until I saw the hearts all over the billboards. =\ Oh, well. I got some new sunglasses, too; Father bought them for me along with a pair for himself--pretty expensive. Well, the 'rents approved of it. I still feel odd though, because I usually just buy the cheap ones that fall apart two days after I purchase them. -___-
Mag proposed an outing to the Spectrum to see Viggo Mortensen in Hidalgo. Asked Mother. She actually said yes (odd!), as long as Jessica was able to tag along with us. Hrm. Problem is that Mag hasn't asked her mom yet. Hah. If she says okay, then we can ask Di and Erin if they want to come along.
the nightshade struck @ PM 7:01 |
"Toxic" - Britney Spears
{02/15/2004}
Hrm. New layout, yeah. It's not that good, but oh well. It was difficult because Photoshop kept shutting down on me. [frown] It really annoys me that the other computer doesn't work. We're all at a loss of what is wrong with it (us meaning Father, Jessica, and I), but I suppose Kazaa is (was) at fault. Which means that it's because of me. >=[ That's not good. I don't want to feel guilty for it. Meh.Am trying to add some content but am not sure what to add. [steals everyone's ideas] :D Probably some pictures, more writing/art...more on me? [shrug] We'll see in the morning. Right now, I just want to sleep. After reading a sappy bedtime fic, of course. ;]
poured the wine @ AM 1:19 |
n/a
{02/16/2004}
Blaagh. I probably shouldn't be blogging right now, but I'm procrastinating. Like everyone. As always. -__- Okay, so I just finished my Science notes. Now I'm reading my Jefferson biography. It's due tomorrow (we're going to take some kind of test or something, I don't know) and I've still got to go back and take notes. I hate notes. I've also got my Algebra homework (I'll most likely end up not doing it) and History project to work on. But first, the book. The other things are not as urgent, seeing as the teachers are less cruel than Tomlin. I'm just glad that I already finished that essay on integrity that I had to write because I switched seats. How lame. >=[Okay, I've got 141 out of 198 pages to go. And then the notes. Oh, god.
Added some new content. =D It's nice to have things other than just the entries. I'll try to make some new linkage buttons soon. But for now, I've got to read. ...Wish me luck.
poured the wine @ PM 5:44 |
"Papercut" - Linkin Park
{02/18/2004}
Agh... Rain. Rain on a Wednesday with school. Sucks. I'm fine with rain on days where I get to just stay home and feel all cozy, but not when I have to go to piano class and school. School rainy days are stupid. We stay in, eat in our classrooms (which gets food all over, and you know how I'm picky about sanitation), and have to remain in that room. >_>; Well, today, Diana and I went to "visit" [cough] snuck over [cough] Maggie and Erin in their class, so that was nice. =] Just chatted silly-ly for a bit, then we had to sneak back to our class. -__-After school, I got soaked from walking around. I would've just stayed under the shade, but I needed to go to the restroom. x_x Mother picked Jessica and me up, and here I am now, after having eaten my "second" lunch.
Everything's changing--at least I think it is. It's all confusing to me--and makes me think to much, which I think it kind of unhealthy. Like I mentioned before, Di's getting much more cynical and the amount of sardonic comments is increasing rapidly. [shrug] And she's more biting, too. I think it's decreasing her humor, if that even makes any sense. Erin's still being pretty much "her"--but she's speaking up more now, which is good. She's funny. =] And last but not least, Maggie. She's confusing. Well, not Maggie herself, but our friendship. It's like there's teeny tiny intervals of disagreements and misunderstandings and confusion--and there's those times when we really bond. And you know, that's never happened to us until eighth grade. What I'm trying to figure out is whether that means we're closer--or farther apart.
Ugh. The list of people who dislike me is growing longer and longer. It bugs me, I guess. I never realized how annoying I really am. And there's these times when I just want to make these dry comments to people who either don't know who the hell I am or just find me a smart-ass bitch--and lately I've been trying to stop myself from doing just that. If they won't befriend me, okay, I'm fine with that. But at least don't hate me.
poured the wine @ PM 2:37 |
"One Step Closer" - Linkin Park
{02/20/2004}
A hundred days had made me older since the last timeHrm. Not a bad day, all in all. School wasn't too bad. The Jog-a-thon thing was today. Ran thirteen laps. Ehh, thirteen's a good number; I'm satisfied. More importantly, I unintentionally brushed my hand up the thigh of two certain people... ;] One more intimately than the other. Hah. And they were the only ones, too! =P Some classes were shortened and we skipped the rest by eating popsicles and watching a video on the Black Death. Talk about wasting time. ;P The running really wasn't too bad, rather refreshing, really. Of course, I may just have been rather motivated by the aforementioned happenings, but that's not the point. ;]
Went to park with Di, Mag, and Erin. =] Had fun; spent more time than usual there, I think. Mother got a bit pissed about having to wait for me, but that's okay. I just sat there in silence, listening to her rant. -__-; How dull. Apparently now she'll go over there to pick me up. Okay, that works, I guess. Don't really want to bring my stuff over, though... =\ Oh, well, I'll live with it.
Am confused about Justin. Am I really that infatuated with him? I had thought it was just lust, but if it is, this is definitely some crazy lust. I mean, I don't feel for him, but yet... There's something there, I know it, but I don't know what it is. Lately, Michael's just been dwelling in the back of my head. Okay, so there's been the dreams, but Justin's in them a lot, too... Oh, I don't know. Maybe he's one of those short-term crushes that normal teenagers get. Me, I don't get sweet little crushes. I get want and need and pain and hell.
poured the wine @ PM 11:19 |
"Here Without You" - 3 Doors Down
{02/21/2004}
It’s something about how you stay on my mindAh, the joys of Saturday.
Have been feeling filthy recently. Not because I need a shower or anything, but more internally. Like I don't know what I'm living for any more. Michael used to be my "light at the end of the tunnel", so to speak, but recently he's just begun to change into the "dim light at the end of the tunnel that I'll never reach"... And this time, the fading's not because of him. Well, okay, so it kind of is. But my own pessimism added to his dislike of me is just--ugh. It's hard to stand. So I can't lean on the thought of him any more--because now it seems like a fantasy more than ever before.
What else do I have to live for? My friends seem to all be drifting away and coming back at random intervals. The thought of making more friends is frightening, because all these people that I had never expected to hate me... They do. Michael... My friends... There was never much else in my life.
Sometimes I think about Mag's advice to stop being shy and her "critques from the other side" of me... And I end up scratching my entire arm off. Now there's this swollen scar thing there. And the same is with my neck. But I tried changing. I'm still trying. But you know, there's a reason they tell you not to change who you are. Because it's too damn hard. Oh, I don't know. Maybe Maggie's right and I'm being too pessimistic for my own good. Or maybe she's being extra-optimistic for me... Either way, thanks Mag. Here's to you for sparing your own time (I know you have better things to do =\) to deal with your controversial friend. =]
Comments will be extra-appreciated. You special few who comment are appreciated. And you people who read this regularly and don't comment, hurry up and do so. At least say hi. Just because Kristine and I are jealous of those people who regularly get billions of comments. ;]
poured the wine @ PM 7:40 |
"The Way" - Clay Aiken
{02/24/2004}
Do you ever question your lifeThe last few days have been rather nice. I'm not quite sure why, just that they have been. It's odd, but I kind of like it.
And I've been acting nicer to people--I think. No, I'm not going for changing me anymore, but there are still some improvements I could make. And this isn't just for people to like me more--I've realized that my friends find my arrogancy and loudness annoying as well. =\ They say they're used to it, but that's sadder; it means that I've been so arrogant/loud that they've become accustomed to me. That bothers me, I guess. So I'll try to yell less and act more decent--and talk slower? I'm not sure about that one. It's become a habit and prevents me from mispronouncing words. -__-
Yeah, so I hope I'm improving. =]
Report cards are coming up soon... I'll probably get about a 3.7 GPA (I hope that's not bragging...) or something around there. I think I have a C in Phys Ed. o_0 Meep. I guess I haven't been "participating" much in what we do. Well, at least I deserve it. -__-; Oh well, I don't really care if I get straight A's or not, anyway. And if I don't get a higher grade in PE, at least my parents won't get mad because they know I'm pathetically horrible at anything athletic. The only grade I'm really even thinking about is Algebra, because I think I'm on borderline between a B+ (like 89.1% o_0) and an A-. I guess I'll just have to do my homework and bring it up.
Ack, I'm probably boring you. -__-; Anyway, more about today. Went to the park after school again. =] Like it there. Hung around with Di, Mag, and Erin 'til like 310 PM, then Mother picked me up. Went to the bookstore and bought a book for the mystery/historical fiction book report. Home, then art class for like two hours (-__-), then drive-thru McDonald's for first dinner, and here I am now. =] ...Yeah, I should probably get started on that Algebra homework. -__- There's a history project coming up, too...
Thanks to all the commenters. I appreciate it a lot. Wow, five comments. ...Believe it or not, that's the most I've ever gotten for one entry. -__-
poured the wine @ PM 8:25 |
"Castles in the Sky" - Ian Van Dahl
{02/26/2004}
I'm not in loveOoh. Good day. Diana was absent again, though. =\ Anyway, walked Mag all the way home today. Had some fun. =] We joked around, as usual. Had an encounter with Justin. =D I got to grab his arm during it. Ehehe. You know I loved it. ;] (And during Phys Ed I got to speak to him a bit, too =]) Mag dropped her stuff off at her house and then we went to the little park in front of her house. Talked for a bit. Mother got a bit pissed when she found us, but oh well, that's definitely nothing new.
History project due on Monday. Have to get everything done by tomorrow. X_X Ehh, I'm tired and hungry, but I'd better get this stuff done.
Outing to the Spectrum on Saturday. Yay. Will enjoy. Short entry, I know. One last note hope you feel better soon, Mag. =]
poured the wine @ PM 9:36 |
"Not In Love" - Enrique Iglesias
{02/27/2004}
Another good day, yep. =D I'm surprising myself with all these good days that I've been having. But oh well, I'm not complaining. =]Mag says Justin talked about the 'encounter' we had with him. And asked for my name. Aww. [silly grin] Yep. I'm guessing at this point I can't honestly deny that I like him. Damn. What about Michael? =\ But with Justin, I can be all smitten again, because there is no barrier between us (yet). I will not screw things up this time. I refuse to. Michael ended up in disaster, and yet as I sit here, I still feel for him. I don't know what the feeling is anymore, but there's still something there. I'm not indifferent to him yet. I don't think I ever will be. He's made too much of an impact on my life.
And here I am, whining about my love life (or lack thereof). I'm such a stereotypical teenager. Except for the going-out bit.
Everyone's got really nice layouts up right now. ...I'm so jealous. I want to make a new layout, but I feel bad for making Amy change my hostee screenshot so often. =[ Must be a pain. I am rather bored of this one, though. It doesn't have enough "oooh"-ness. Hmm. Maybe I'll try a blend using this image, so that the screencap would not need to be changed, LOL. Actually, it's not a bad idea. [meanders off to other computer]
Short entry again. I'll have more to say tomorrow. =]
(Did any of you guys notice that my "want" on the recent section was granted? ;] I got my "good thing involving Justin"... =D I think I'll keep that there, just in case. =P)
poured the wine @ AM 1:17 |
n/a
{02/28/2004}
Spectrum was great. =) I like going out...Diana, Maggie, Erin, and Kelli were there. =D Arrived at 1230 instead of 12 because we left at 12. -__- Ate lunch at the food court--McDonald's for me--then to the candy store. Decided not to watch a movie. Wandered around. The shop with 'adult' stuff (can't remember the name...) was amusing. Mag was scared to death by the Bride of Chucky doll. Had to go outside to calm her down. At In a Tranz we ran around crazily and were pretty much kicked out for playing video games for too long. Hah. Kelli bought us bubble things. Loitered at LoveSac. =D Comfy. Then the carousel! LOL. Yes, we went on the carousel. Fun. ;]
Then Barnes & Nobles... I wanted to go for the Starbucks. Bought two Toffee Nut Frappucinos (but not at the same time). =D I love those. Hung around at the cafe for a bit. Then Kelli left. We looked at some books and then went to Claire's. We all bought some stuff... Then ferris wheel and carousel again and again and again... LOL. Mag and Erin left. Diana and I hung around for a bit, ate crepes (too lazy for accent marks -___-) for dinner, bought some chocolate... Then chatted while waiting for her mom to pick us up. Was dropped off at my house.
Yep yep. Fun day. =]
Wow, I've been considerably happier lately. I guess that's an improvement, right? Maybe this Justin thing will be good for me. Let's hope. =]