March 03 2004

New layout, again. Hrm. The last look wasn't too bad really, just kinda plain for my tastes. This one's pretty nice, too. =D I did a blend! Can you believe it? I never do blends. Find 'em too hard. But yeah, I had no idea what to make the layout of, so I just took a bunch of images that represented things that I was thinking about and shoved them all together. Nicely, of course. ;] And the most blunt bit is the Justin-Michael part, ehehe. I couldn't resist. =P

Not much has changed in the last few days. Justin and I have made direct eye contact many times, which is a rather nice improvement. =D Michael's been avoiding me as usual. Oh, well. I'm rather used to it by now. =\ Hrm. Maggie and Diana have been socializing more. Feel outcasted once again. Today, a group of sociallites (plus Diana and Maggie) were talking about dull subjects that I don't care about, so I went off with Jerry. Di said, "You'd rather be with a five-year-old (he's ten) than over there (with the sociallites)?" I frowned and returned, "It's better than being left out of subjects that I don't give a fuck about." And yeah, that's how I feel. Today Jer even waved goodbye at me. =]

Erin and I have been able to talk together more because we're usually standing to the side awkwardly while everyone else babbles idiocy. -__-; Tomorrow I'm going to Diana's house to work on our Louisiana Purchase speech. I'm going to be Jefferson and she's Napoleon. Stupid English project. Tomlin just loves presentation shit. I hate it. I have a hard time pronouncing some words (bit of a lisp), especially when I'm speaking in front of an audience. Damn.

Come to think of it, more people have been talking to me lately. =] I'm proud. All my efforts have not been in vain, then. Yay. Good for me. ;]

lit the candle @ PM 11:31 |
"Love Me Right" - Angel City

March 05 2004

Oh, god. I'm fucking dead.

One of my uncles found the personal site I'm working on and read the biography I wrote there. ...It has everything. [shiver] And know what? He told Mother. She started yelling at me for being stupid and using my real name and stating that she worked at a bakery, blah blah blah. God. I know parents have issues with Internet safety and all, but I mean really. Ugh. What I'm really worried about, though, is that my uncle read the whole fucking thing (and it was rather long, trust me). There's a lot of info there that shouldn't be known to family. Friends I'm perfectly fine with, but family? The incredibly homophobic family finding out that I'm bi? And that I like slash and all that? Hrm. Not good.

Ehh.

Jerry was cute today. ...As usual. ;] When he saw me at lunch (after his Orchestra class) he came up to me and said, "I have to tell you something later, okay?" all secret like. Hahha. I'm like "Okay..." And then later he comes up to me (during his lunch) and tells me the 'secret', shooing away all his friends. Yep, very cute. Ehehe. I'm so pathetic, trying to be friends with these little kids. Oh, well. They're cute, anyway. =]

And yay, I worked out PHP and got a tagboard! [points down] :D Guestbook, here we come. ;D

lit the candle @ PM 8:33 |
"Bright Lights" - Matchbox Twenty

March 08 2004

Hmm. Rather nice day. 12 PM dismissal for parent-teacher conference week. Whoot. Hung around at Diana's a bit, then her mom drove us (Diana, Maggie, me) back to the school (she had to go to Di's conference, anyway). Waited there with Mag for a bit, then met up with Diana after her conference. Stood around waiting for our rides to pick us up. I got to be with Jerry for a bit. =] Hah, Maggie and Diana are getting exasperated at how enthusiastic I am about Jerry. Well. It's how I feel when they go off with the sociallites. Hrm.

Michael gave Maggie a cup he used. Bit stupid, though, since he obviously knows that I like him, and that Mag would most likely give it to me--Oh, well. I got the cup, and that's all that matters in the end. ;] Anyway. It's getting a lot warmer here in Cali. Everyone's complaining about it but I happen to like it. Ah, the beauty of being different. =P I hate cold weather and jackets and bleh. I think I've become too accustomed to California's mild weather, because I used to love the winters in Virginia...

Fixed my comments and guestbook. ...Yeah. I need to write something, though. I mean, I've barely done anything recently. Okay, let me take that back--I haven't done anything. [deadpan] I don't know if this is the block, or what. The thing is, I don't really have a fandom at the moment. But I'm trying to work out my novel thingy, so that's good. =]

lit the candle @ PM 4:56 |
"My Immortal" - Evanescence

March 13 2004

Went to the St. Patty's school dance yesterday. Fun fun. =] Nothing happened, but hey, I still enjoyed it. And that's all that matters, right? Neither Justin nor Michael went, though. Damn! And I was looking good, too. >=[ Oh, well... At least I had a good time. Damn me for getting my hopes up that I could see at least one of them all fancied up.

Mag stayed with me this time. And I stayed with the other girls (who actually spoke to me 0_0) too, yay for me! It wasn't that bad, really. Hrm. Haha, Mag and I had fun dancing. We did funky dances, hehe. Yay.

Diana came over on Thursday to get our Louisiana Purchase speech (for English) finished. We didn't exactly finish, but we did more than I had expected. What sucks is that now we have to finish it and memorize it. Damn. That sucks.

Today is Erin's birthday party; we're gonna stay over at her house. =] Fun fun. I'm afraid of her dogs, though... She has two, and they scare me to death. -__- Stupid zoophobia. I don't even know why animals scare me so, but they do! Maybe it's the fur. And in the case of dogs, their tongues. Dog spittle isn't very nice, I don't think. Hrm. Anyway. I should go get ready for the party now. We're going to the Spectrum to watch Hidalgo. Viggo Mortensen, whee! =]

lit the candle @ AM 10:11 |
"This Love" - Maroon 5

March 15 2004

[yawn] Just woke up from a four hour nap. God, I was tired from Erin's party. =\ It was fun, though. And her family was so nice, keeping the dogs away from me. =] Hah. Anyway, I went gift shopping with Di first, 'cause she picked me up. Arrived at Erin's twenty minutes late, heh. Watched Hidalgo and went to Barnes & Noble for my Starbucks. Hah. Then Pizza Hut. Back to her house. Lotsa fun. Slept around 4 AM, I think. Early. =] Breakfast at Denny's.

Yeah, I had a good time. Gathering with friends are always nice. =] Makes you feel nice and loved inside.

Was as tired as hell at school today. If the chair had been more comfortable, I would've fallen asleep in Period 1 (Adv. Orchestra). Ack. Didn't pay attention whatsoever in Algebra. Which is kind of normal, but I usually at least listen a bit. All my other classes were just oh so monotonous. =\ Except Phys Ed, 'cause we had to run a stupid measured mile. Did mine in 10:43 minutes. I'm athletically pathetic. Oh, well. I improved. -_-

lit the candle @ PM 9:14 |
"Someday" - Nickelback

March 17 2004

School was okay. Enjoyed myself at lunch. Well, at the end of it, anyway. Jer's posse and I had fun while Diana and Maggie were socializing. =] It's like a daily routine now. Except now I feel even worse for Erin because she always stands off to the side like I usually do--but at least I have the little kids to go to--she doesn't have anyone. =\

Went investigating Xangas... Seventh grade Xangas to be exact. Was attempting to find Justin's 'cause I heard him talk about it on Friday, heh. I found out about some other stuff in the process... X_- Got a competitor: some 7th grader--Seraphina--who likes Michael too. UGH. It sickens me. She couldn't even spell his name right at first. Hrmph. Ehh, I feel real sorry for Michael now, though. 'Cause I mean, really, two uglyass losers liking him? =\ He doesn't deserve it.

But anyway, I did find Justin's Xanga! =D Am now resisting the extreme urge to say something in his chatterbox. ;] Ehh, I've made the mistake of being too blunt before... Now I'll think twice before I do it again. Though I'm not even sure that I have the guts to do it/say anything to him, anyway...

As you can probably assume just from this entry, the love life isn't going too well. Hrmph. Hah, Mag's supposed to hook me up with someone--a bet/deal we made. ;] And Mother keeps asking why I always talk about the guys in Jessica's grade (Jer's posse) and never about the guys in my grade. HAH! Nothing to say. They hate/dislike me. That's basically it. Yeah. I don't like my life very much.

lit the candle @ PM 8:32 |
n/a

March 21 2004

Went to the bookstore today. Had to purchase a Science Fiction book for a Science book report. Bleh. I also have a Mystery novel book report coming up for English. That would be on the 23rd. Ick. I completed the book, but I have to go back and take notes. That'll take a while, 'cause I always take WAY too many notes. -_- Stupid me.

My room has gotten considerably messy over the last few days. I'm not sure why, since I usually keep it rather neat. But now I have stuff all over, and I don't really like it. -__- I'm kinda anal retentive about things like this. But I've been really tired lately, and once I get home from school I just want to sleep. I don't like the feelling much. School's tiring. How am I going to deal with high school?

Oh, hey, speaking of high schools, I was "rejected" from Northwood, which is what I wanted to go to. To tell you the truth, I don't mind it that much, because this way I can feel more secure since Diana, Maggie, and Erin are all going to Irvine (which is where I'm going now). Now my only problem is that I don't like Irvine High itself. -__- Well, can't do a thing about it, so oh well. Hope Father won't be too disappointed when he hears about it. He's in China at the moment.

Spring break is coming up... Maggie will be going to Taiwan for the whole three weeks (eep) and Diana will be going up north to San Jose for a bit. I'm not sure how long Di will stay up there. I think she's going to babysit her cousins or something? Not sure. Usually spring break is when my family and I go vacationing. But this year, both my parents are too busy. =\ It'll be the first year since a while that I stay home for all of spring break. Well... At least it won't be that bad. No school is always good, right?

And wow, thanks to all the commenters. I feel a lot more secure now. =]

lit the candle @ PM 11:20 |
n/a

March 24 2004

I don't know.

Yeah, I'm not sure what I don't know about either. I just have this vague feeling...and it's bothering me. Love is such trickery of the mind.

Had to sit by Seraphina in Adv Orchestra yesterday. [wince] She was staring at/talking to Weilynn about Michael the whole time, which sickened me. (At least I alternate between Michael and Justin... ;]) And she had the nerve to ask me if I liked Michael. HAHAH! I just kinda sat there in shock thinking, "MY GOD, she is blunt." So I raised my eyebrow in the most arrogant way possible =D and said icily, "Where did that come from?" She looked all unsure and tilted her head and said, "Well, I just heard from people that you used to like him..." Heh. Used to. Heh. I gave her another cold Look and ignored her.

Ehh. Michael stated that he hates me flat out. I already knew that he did, but having it stated like that stings. Burns. Here's a modified version of the conversation Kristine and I had. I know what I should do. Should. I should abandon Michael. I bother him, and that's not a good sign. But giving up over a year of liking him? Ehh. It's hard for me to let go.

Kristine says goes for Justin. Maggie and Ridts are for Michael. Diana wants me to lust. =P And me? What do I want to do?

I don't know. Justin's a seventh grader (!) who I have talked to like three times--and he doesn't know who the hell I am. Michael I've known since the fourth grade, although the two of us have always been waaaay apart. And apparently he hates me. So. What do you think?

lit the candle @ PM 10:09 |
3 Doors Down - "Dangerous Game"

March 27 2004

And so begins spring break. Nice.

Yesterday was the Band/Orchestra Festival thing. Went to University High and played for three judges there; received two Excellents and one Superior, which averaged out to be an Excellent. Oh, well. Bit of a waste of time, if you ask me. We had to spend three hours after school because of it. Everyone else was able to go home at 12 (early dismissal for spring break!) except for Adv. Orchestra. That was annoying. Stayed with Ridts. =] (Mag left for Taiwan on Thursday.)

Hehe, after we played and were walking back to where we had left our instrument cases, Anderson and Jonathan (went to elementary with them, 4th to 6th grade) actually recognized and greeted me. Grinned back and said, "Hi!" enthusiastically. Hahah. That made me feel appreciated, since no guys from school would do that. Goes to show that my "old" quiet-self was more liked than my "new and unimproved" loud-self. Hrm. It's not like I actually changed myself, I just kinda let go instead of holding everything in.But hey, that gives me hope that high school won't be too much of a killer. Somehow. Socially, at least. ><

So far, all I've done during this break is sleep and attempt to make a layout. I'm in a state where I realize that I'm not as good as I think I am. -__- I hate that. So now I'm poking around for layout tutorials... which really don't exist. Yeah, okay. I think I'm off to try another layout, then...

lit the candle @ PM 1:52 |
Matchbox Twenty - "Bright Lights"

March 29 2004

Hmm. It's break. Three weeks without seeing either Michael or Justin. Feel a pang of sadness at the thought, but it doesn't hurt too much (yet?). The question is: do I want it to hurt? Do I want to feel again? It's funny. You would think that I would want the pain to go away. But what's the alternative? Indifference. Now you tell me, which is better... pain or indifference?

I should really stop focusing my entire life on those two. You know, you'd think that it would be hard to handle liking two guys at once. But to tell you the truth, it's not hard at all. The two of them are frequently together--and always all over each other (I mean really, Justin traded shoes with Michael because Michael's were too small for him. How sweet is that?), I must add. Not that I'm complaining; I love the view. ;] Hah, my voyeuristic side is showing.

My sister left on a school trip to Sacramento early this morning. Things should be pleasantly quieter around here without her. That's good. I think I need some peace and quiet. Time alone without interruptions. =] Went to Culver Plaza today. Hung around by myself for a while. Ate a lot. Hah.

And yay! I installed Photoshop 7 on this laptop... (My Photoshop CS trial expired when I tried to turn the time back... x_o) This way I don't have to worry about the expiration date. =D

lit the candle @ PM 5:20 |
"Hit the Floor" - Linkin Park

April 1 2004

Agh, I'm being sickened again! "Heyy 4 those of u no who i like ( M.L. are his intials ^_^) i cant stand it nemorre i wanna ask him hoo he likes but im soooo scared to do it.... i hope he's not reading this entry...though......", an excerpt from a certain Seraphina's Xanga. I'm sorry, but she just really exasperates me. I MEAN REALLY! If she knew anything about him, she'd know the answers to those last two statements. Okay, okay, I'll stop. =P

Break has been nice so far. Calm. Uneventful. But I'm having a good time away from homework. Even though I actually have break homework to do (How evil is that? Stupid teachers). Hey, I actually did two pages of my Algebra homework...and I've read two chapters of my Sci-Fi book. At least it's something. -__- Okay, so next layout's gonna be up soon. Not sure when. I try to let every layout last like...over a month. Key word: try. I don't want to bother Amy by making her change the screenshot on her site so often... =\ Anyway, this way I work harder on my layouts, heh.

Oh, yeah. My piano teacher is cutting off my piano lessons...by half an hour. So now my lesson's only 30 minutes. Jessica's is too. Mother's all indecisive and pissed. Erg. Honestly, I'm glad that it's cut. I don't like piano lessons. I like playing piano just fine, but I'm not a person that enjoys learning from others. (Or practicing.) Yeah, that's my arrogant side. I hate asking for help. =\ I know it's bad, but ehh...

Thanks plenty to everyone who commented. =]

the fire crackled @ AM 5:00
key # # tagboard
n/a

April 2 2004

Hrm. It bothers me how everyone in Justin's grade is always picking on him. I feel protective, for some odd reason. Hell, I used to hate him myself. Heh, I don't remember that clearly, I'm sure it was because of something in Adv. Orchestra. It was either because he got a seat near Maggie (which I wanted) or he was assigned the seat that I was in last year, while I got shoved to the third row. Stupid petty hate, I know. I used to make fun of him because he plays really smoothly and overuses vibrato. =P All the guys that I've liked I have hated in the past. Hrm. Odd.

I've been enjoying my break, but it's going by too quickly! The first week is already over... I've done absolutely nothing. Diana and Kristine both asked me to see Hellboy today, but I couldn't. =\ I told Mother about it and she said she doesn't mind too much if I go out as long as I take Jessica with me. Truth is, I don't want my sister tagging along. She gets annoying and sycophant-y when she's with my friends. But Mother said that I can go out on the 10th, when Jessica will be having some friends over. I wish Maggie had come back by then, but she's returning three days later. But I did mention the idea to Diana. =] I need to have some fun this break.

What else? Oh yeah, I have a Chinese school midterm on Sunday. I have done like absolutely no homework this semester so I have no idea about...anything. Damn, I'll probably flunk... I guess it's a lesson I've learned: DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Well, I'll probably end up not doing it, anyway... Stupid laziness.

the fire crackled @ PM 8:52
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"Love Me Right" - Angel City

April 5 2004

This is her me page. And compare it to mine. That was what inflamed this. The other things she ripped off just really irked me, not so much angered. But that page is a complete ripoff. Even some semicolons were left behind. I just hate the fact that she copied my stuff--and if I confront her, she'll just come up with some lame excuse and go major bitch on me. Ack. I'm ranting. Sorry.

My sleeping intervals are screwed up again. -_- Now I'm usually going to sleep at dawn (or later) again and waking up at 3 PM. Or later. Heh. I'm used to it, though. Once I woke up at 830 PM. That was odd. But I like having these late-night/early-morning chats with Diana. She's more pleasant during the middle of the night than during the day. Why, I have no idea. Break feels like it's passing by way too fast. I don't like that. I think I've done four pages in my Algebra packet, and I haven't read any more than maybe 40 out of 372 pages in my Sci-fi book.

Ooh, and I've been writing again lately. I worked on my novel/original fiction thing a bit. I'm not too good with original fiction though; it's more difficult since you have to create the setting and characters yourself instead of like in fanfiction where you base your writings on what is already laid out for you. But I'm working on it.

Plugs - Kristine, Ridts, Amelia, Tiffany, Clement, and Trixie. Thanks for commenting! (I'll only do plugs if I get more than 5 comments.)

the fire crackled @ PM 11:13
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"My Immortal" - Evanescence

April 8 2004

Jessica's birthday party is this weekend. I'll be hanging out with Diana, probably at Spectrum catching Hellboy or something. =] Funny thing is that the two of us will have to either wake up early (it's early to us, anyway) or go without sleep. As long as the two of us don't both fall asleep in the movie theater, I think we'll be okay. Hahah.

Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, bought Matchbox Twenty's CD yesterday. =] Well, it was Mother's money, hehe. Spending your parents' money is so much fun. =P And my Yuugiou DVDs (Box 6!), so yay. Have been watching those with Jess. Oh yeah, and yesterday, some mortgage financing guy came to take pictures of our house. o_0 Weird, yeah. I was taking a nap at the time, so I'm not too clear on what he was here for. Then I went to piano lessons =\ and after that I went to the Wal-Mart in City of Industry. Cheapo stuff. More spending of Mother's money. ;]

Plugs - Diana, Ridts, Tiffany, Kristine, Maggie, and Amelia. Thanks!

the fire crackled @ PM 5:14
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"Unwell" - Matchbox Twenty

April 10 2004

To be honest, I've barely thought about Michael or Justin during the past few weeks. The dreams are still there and all, but when I'm awake, they're rarely on my mind. I guess what I feel for Michael is fading (it has been for a while...) and Justin is probably just a normal, teenage crush-fling thing. Aww. Well, I guess it's better to stay away from unrequited love. It just hurts me in the end, anyway. =(

And oh yay, no Chinese school tomorrow! =D It's for "spring break". Ugh. I hate Chinese school. I hope that Mother will let me quit next year since I'm going to high school.

Not much to say today, so short entry. But thanks so much for the comments! =] Plugs - Kristine, Erin, Clement, Mike, Tiffany, and Ridts.

the fire crackled @ PM 10:03
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"Everytime" - Britney Spears

April 16 2004

And about the Algebra break homework, I only have one page (front and back) to finish, which is quite a good thing. I probably won't finish them until the last minute, though. Stupid procrastination. Went shopping and spent Mother's money on Wednesday, after piano lessons. Was nice. I want to go to South Coast Plaza and just go on a spending spree sometime soon, though. That's always fun.

Have been eating considerably less recently. I'm not exactly sure why. FYI, I'm not one of those people who go around dieting or whatever because they think they're fat (when they look absolutely fine). Not to sound vain, but I guess I'm one of those people who eat a whole lot and it doesn't add to their figure. Well, that plus the fact that I'm kind of a picky eater. I don't really eat any vegetables (besides potatoes, mushrooms, and the occasional salad) or any real meat. Bacon, sandwich meat slices, pepperoni, etc. I like, but they're more meat products than actual meat.

When I was younger, I didn't like meat or vegetables (yes, I was a demented little kid; still am), but my grandmother told my mother that she should make me eat it so I don't develop weird habits when I grow up. Apparently, Mother was too soft and didn't want to force me to do anything, so the habit remained. And it's kind of confusing, 'cause I'm not a vegetarian. A) I don't really eat vegetables and B) I like seafood. So yeah. I'm weird like that.

Lots of thanks to everyone who commented before. I'd appreciate if those of you who are reading this right now do the same. =] Plugs - Kristine, Vivid, Amelia, Crystal, Clement, Ridts, Mike, and Sunny.

the fire crackled @ PM 4:09
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"When You Say You Love Me" - Clay Aiken

April 20 2004

And today? Not great, either. Changed seating arrangement in Adv. Orchestra; now I sit in the very back. -_- Not so close to Michael or Justin anymore. Algebra was okay. I'm actually doing all my homework for that class now. Yeah, everyone usually just slacks off since the teacher doesn't even check it herself. I figured that I'd better start preparing for the state exams, the California Standard Testing, and the Algebra final. Lots of testing, yeah.

In Science we took the Sci-fi book report test. Ugh. It consists of a bunch of essay question about your book and I hate answering essay questions. When asked to summarize the plot, I wrote two pages. >< English was boring (as usual). We got our other book report tests back. I got full points because I underlined the title of the novel. Apparently nobody else in the class did. I don't see what the point is of taking points off just because an underline was missing, but whatever. Oh yeah, tomorrow's the high school orientation thing. Apparently people from nearby high schools are going to come to our school and do presentations or something.

Ugh, I need community service hours. I'm in NJHS (National Junior Honor Society) and while everyone probably almost has the 30 hours required, I don't think I'm even close. I'm not sure what to do and am kinda too lazy to do anything. Ehh. I need to get over that for high school.

Eleven comments! Thanks so much, everyone! Plugs - Sunny, Tiffany, Amelia, Jem, Stepherz, Clement, Lori, Maggie, Cin, Kristine, and Vivid.

the fire crackled @ PM 8:14
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"My December" - Linkin Park

April 24 2004

Wednesday was also the high school orientation. The eighth grade got split up into groups (according to what high school we will be attending this autumn) and we sat for a while just listening to the counselors present. It honestly didn't take that long, though. I wish it had been longer so we could've skipped more of class. =P Ehh, but the thought of high school makes me nervous. Lots of new changes and people and such. And I'm not exactly good at making friends. And we have to choose all our classes and stuff, which makes me even more nervous since I feel like if I choose one bad class I'll end up screwing everything up. Yeah, I'm pretty insecure about this. I'm still deciding which courses to take. Registration is on May 3, though. I'll have to pick everything by then.

I'm intimidated by high school, but I'm feeling excited about all the graduation (promotion) activities we'll be having. Not much, really, but you can never expect too much from my school. There's a dance coming up (irrelevant to graduation), a graduation party for the 8th graders, and a graduation field trip to Knott's Berry Farm. And of course, the actual ceremony. And then junior high will be all over. Wow. I guess time passed by pretty fast.

Thanks for commenting. =D Plugs - Clement, Cin, Tiffany, Abby, Amelia, Maggie, Tiffany, Mike, Amanda, and Mary.

the fire crackled @ PM 6:26
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"All I Need" - Matchbox Twenty

May 01 2004

And about Michael and Justin? I don't know at all. I've given up trying to pick one over the other. I'll just take what I can get. I like them both so much, but I guess I'll just have to let my feelings fade away after school ends. And maybe I'll stop obsessing over them once I meet someone I like who'll actually notice me.

Yesterday was an enjoyable day. School was okay; well, it wasn't any worse than usual, at least. After school Diana, Erin, Ridts, Tiffany, and I walked to Diana's house and crashed there for a while. Then we picked Maggie up and walked back to the school for the carnival. Wandered around for a bit, did my shift at one of the booths (I need hours for National Junior Honor Society =P), wandered around some more... It was nice. Oh yeah, and Diana, Erin, and I were one of the twelve winners of the raffle, so we get to go bowling with the teachers. Hah, doesn't sound that good, but the only reason we were in it (Maggie was, too) was because Erin's mom offered to pay for the raffle tickets (one dollar each! o_0) and I'd feel bad if I said no.

But when I asked Mother if I could stay at Diana's house for a bit after the carnival, she gave me a flat out no. And I even explained to her that Mag and Erin wouldn't be able to stay if I didn't, but it was still no. Damn it, that got me pissed. I hate when she's unreasonable like that.

Thanks to everyone for all the advice and encouragement for high school. =] Plugs - Cinnamon, Maggie, Amelia, Tiffany, Erin, Lori, Tashie, Vivid, Chris, and Amy.

the fire crackled @ AM 10:53
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"Measure of a Man" - Clay Aiken

May 06 2004

All this week I had CAT 6 (California Achievement Test) and STAR (Standardized Testing and Reporting) testing. They're state standards tests. I don't mind them, though. The tests themselves aren't bad at all. Best part is that you don't have to study for them. =P Testing's going to go on for another week. But the best part about testing?--no homework! =D

I can't believe everything's going by so quickly. Everyone's talking about how there's only six weeks until graduation. And then there'll be 2.5 months of summer vacation--and then high school. Eek. Now that we've registered and chosen our classes and all that, I'm actually kind of eager for September to come. Part of me is still nervous, of course, but, well, I guess it's only natural. I've grown so accustomed to PV.

Have been talking to more people lately. I'm proud. Not that these are really people that I really enjoytalking to, but well, I guess I can't have everything. Even Victor spoke to me cordially the other day. He's one of the guys who were dissing me a while back. Ehh. And the other day, Michael was talking to my friends and I--well, I restrained myself from cutting in. Apparently I sound conceited and annoying when I cut into conversations, so now I'm trying to stop that habit. Not talking to him didn't really make me feel better whatsoever, but both Maggie and Diana say that while it might not make a difference for me, other people like it better. That hurt a lot, but hey, they're my friends, so I guess I'll take their advice.

the fire crackled @ PM 4:18
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"Feel" - Matchbox Twenty

May 10 2004

Things were nice after I finished the test. Had some semi-encounters with Michael and Justin. Well, kind of, I guess. I even spoke to one of Justin's best friends about him, which was really odd since he was the one who brought up the topic. That was nice, though. Plus, the friend's brother is one of Jerry's friends. Hehe. Oh yeah, and during Phys. Ed, a few of us were chosen for to "train" running faster with Chiaverini, who's a Phys. Ed and Pre-Algebra/Algebra teacher. That was...kind of insulting. I guess it's my fault I can't run a mile in less than 9 minutes, but my last timing wasn't that bad. Ehh. Stupid teachers.

Diana and Erin got picked up at school so Maggie and I walked to the park together. It was nice, just the two of us. We don't really get to spend that much time with each other anymore. It's always Mag and Tiffany, or Mag, Erin, and Tiffany; then Diana and me or Diana, Ridts, and me or something. I don't know. Friendships are so complicated. And times are changing. It's becoming more and more clear what kind of people each of us will befriend in the future. I just hope that we don't fall apart.

Diana and I were thinking of throwing some kind of (small) end-of-the-year party. That should be fun. Maggie wants to go to Disney's California Adventures (she's never been there before) with us, but Erin probably wouldn't be able to go with us, then. =\ She's leaving for a cruise to Hawaii really quickly after school ends. And for three weeks! Wow. I really do want to do something with my best friends, though. To celebrate the end of school, end of Junior High, the beginning of a two-month summer...and our friendship. =]

Plugs - Maggie, Tiffany, Vivid, Diana, Sunny, and Stepherz.

the fire crackled @ PM 7:19
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"Concrete Angel" - Martina McBride

May 15 2004

That's right. The Michael that I've been obsessing over for almost a year and a half. The one who has been heard dissing me and apparently hates me. The one who I've been avoiding recently as to not make him feel uncomfortable about my maddening crush on him. Yeah. We danced.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. Brace yourself for a long entry. Short version here. I went with Maggie. =D Patricia, Mag, and Ridts were all discussing setting me up with either Michael or Andrew. I was completely skeptical. Then they kept going off to try to convince Michael--poor him. =P And they sat me down by Andrew for a while. That was rather awkward. And everyone was trying to set Michael and me up. OMG. I appreciate it so much. They dragged me over to him a few times but I kept resisting. There was no way I could ask him... And during the second-to-last slow song, Mag pulled me over to him. Yeah, I was scared.

They were all trying to persuade him--I didn't hear what they said to him since I was busy trying to escape... But Mag wouldn't let me go. She said, "Turn around!" and I'm like, "No!" And I turned around and his arms were out and I'm thinking, Holy shit. And, well... Yeah. The rest was a blur. =*] It was so nice for me to get something that I've wanted for so long--since January of last year. And he actual complied, which means so much to me. Lots of thanks to all who helped to convince him... You guys are the best. =]

I couldn't bear to look at him, though. So I kept looking down/to my left. Too nervous--didn't want to see disdain, annoyance, or anything negative. He looked away, too. Aww, I hope I didn't make him feel too awkward... But it was nice, you know? =] I don't think it'll matter much what happens (or if nothing happens) in the remaining weeks of school. I got what I've wanted for what seems like forever... So now, I'll try to be more optimistic. Even if Michael did it out of annoyance and it meant nothing to him, I don't care. He did, and honestly, that's all that really matters to me.

Plugs - Abby, Amelia, Maggie, Tiffany, Mike, Amanda, and Mary.

the fire crackled @ PM 6:26
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"All I Need" - Matchbox Twenty

May 24 2004

I've been out of it for a while (okay, so nine days is a while to me), so let me update you on what's happening around me. We had Open House last week, and I got to talk to Rajan (Rohan's brother and one of Justin's best friends), heh. Yeah, he's a seventh grader, and yes, we talked about Justin. ;] Apparently Justin knows that I like him. Hrm. What is it with me and everyone always finding out about who I like? -_- After that I went to dinner with Diana and her mom. =] That was nice. Didn't eat much, though. Was too busy talking. =P

My aunt and uncle from Taiwan (they've never been to America) are visiting here. For two months. I'm not sure that's even considered visiting. My grandmother did the same last year. That was weird. And annoying. I don't like having someone else around all the time. My sister doesn't count, since we don't speak to each other that much. The uncle is Father's brother, but he's going to China this Saturday for three weeks (again). I can't believe he's just going to leave us with them. Mother got so pissed at that. Ehh, it sounds kind of cruel, but I hope they find America boring and leave soon.

On Wednesday I'll be skipping piano lessons, which is great, but it'll be to go bowling with the middle school teachers. -_- At least Diana and Erin will be there with me. And on Thursday, I'll be going with the 30 selected students aboard the Lynx, some ship in Newport Beach. I have no idea, but I'll be skipping Phys. Ed and spend some time with my friends, so I don't really care. =]

Thanks for the sweet comments about the dance, guys. Plugs - Mary, Tiffany, Yumi, Cin, Clement, Mag, Ridts, Abby, Mike, and Di.

watched summer sunsets @ PM 6:20
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"'Til I Get Over You" - Michelle Branch

May 28 2004

Yesterday (Thursday), Mr. Downes (my History teacher) took 30 select eighth graders aboard the Lynx. 'Twas interesting and quite nice. There was a lot of idle time where we just sat around, chatting and looking out at the Pacific. I like the ocean; it's always so calming to just stare out at it. =].

After the trip, Diana's aunt and uncle drove us back to her house. Mag and I stayed there for a bit. Then, we were going to walk Maggie home, but I locked us out. -_- Diana had her house key in her backpack, which was in the house, but I forgot about that. I closed the door since I was the last person out the door, which was on automatic lock. We started panicking, but we were able to open the backdoor later. The only reason was because the day before, when Erin and I had been at Di's house, we had gone outside and I had left it open by accident. =P So I locked us out, but I also saved us. LOL.

So far, the Memorial Day weekend hasn't been exactly exciting, but that's okay. At least I don't have to sit there in class and listen to the teachers drone on and on. Ugh, the two-month summer break is going to be so dull. And since PV is year-round, it's going to take some adjusting to get used to the long summer.

Plugs - Di, Kristine, Cin, Tiffany, Mag, Clement, and Sunny.

watched summer sunsets @ PM 6:00
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"We Like To Party" - Vengaboys