July 17, 2003
Bring Me To Life -- Evanescence. Am hungry.

I'm hungry. Well, you probably already know that, but I'm telling you anyway. Maybe if I repeat the phrase, 'I'm hungry' a thousand times, I'll become less hungry.

-______-;;

Okay, so maybe not. Anyway, this is my first entry for the new and improved Akuryou. Well, not really improved and not really new, but this is the new Akuryou after the old one was hacked. Why the hell would anyone want to hack it, anyway? What's so good about my blog?!? No, what was so good about my blog? v_v It's gone...[sniffle]

...

Okay, I'm over it now.

As I watch the little children outside my window laugh and play, I wonder vaguely what pain is. They seem to not know that pain exists. But what is pain?

Is pain when you are merely three years old and you fall down, scraping your knee? Is pain the feeling you get when you are shoved to the ground? Is pain more than something following physical hurt? or do emotions not count when one speaks of pain?

Can pain also be what chips your pride when you are disgraced, betrayed, and pushed aside? Being ignored, not appreciated, being thought of as insignificant as a grain of sand in the Sahara...is that pain, too?

Physical pain...emotional pain...

Who can rightly define it?

Nobody...not even me.

Pain is wanting something so badly that every part of your body aches for it...Pain is not being able to have that something that you yearn for. Pain is living your life knowing that you will never get that something.

That is my pain.

Frozen in the vast, icy desert...All you ask for is warmth. Arctic winds whip all around you relentlessly...Who will help you then? You want fire to warm your frozen body and thaw your frigid heart...

But you won't get it.

Want. Need. Lust. Greed. Envy.

Pain.

Define it.

MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....ahem. Uhh...yeah. Is that good? I still don't think I'm very talented at writing that kind of...bitter, angsty psychological writing, but at least I gave it a try, right? ¬¬ Meh...

>>// LEI's soul shatters into pieces at PM 9:31 //<<
piece her together

My god, I am bored.

Why is it that after turning 13, I've become bored all the time? I mean, I don't recall being so bored when I was 12... It's probably a sign of social-neediness. I mean, I spend the whole day 1) doing homework, 2) talking to Diana and worrying that I'm plugging up the phone line, and 3) being bored! Seriously!

So is this some teenager thing? >>;

The feeling of being bored is just...annoying me to hell! Gah. This is one of the few times that I wish I got out more. But to tell you the truth, even if I wanted to get out more, I wouldn't be allowed to. My parents are rather...restricting. But I think part of me wants to get out and the other part likes being anti-social. Damn multi- personalities.

...

On other subjects, I'm in the process of making my Duel Disk for the Rare Hunter costume. It looks cool so far, though I barely have anything. I still need to paint the blue and red parts, but I'll need to buy acrylic for that. And I'm still trying to figure out how to buy two small paper plates without having to buy the whole damn pack. I suppose I'll end up buying an entire pack, but whatever.

Blah. Lunch now. [waves]

>>LEI's light shone at PM 12:46 //

Why is it that we have emotions? And why is it that these emotions can change so rapidly? We are nothing but a mere event in time, in the history of this world. Do we really deserve having these 'emotions'?

I don't know. I never know.

Yesterday and the day before, I was so pissed at Kaasan, yet today, I'm as cheerful as hell.

I suppose it depends how much interaction you get with the right people. My parents piss me off, but my friends usually cheer me up. <3 you guys. Well, most of the time, at least. Just don't be annoying. Thanks for keeping me happy and away from death wishes.

Hmm. Am trying to get Haloscan so you guys can comment. ^^ Hope it works.

>>LEI's light shone at PM 5:19 //

Sometimes people aren't always what you want them to be. Sometimes, you just can't control those around you. But sometimes, you wish that you could. I know that nobody is perfect. But if only people could be the way I want them to be, life would be so much easier.

Depressed.

Had a crappy day at school today. It was just...stupid. I was in a bad mood when I came home from school, especially when I remembered that I had art class to go to. It's over now, but I'm in a state of depression. Damn it. I hate feeling this way.

Remember how I wondered yesterday why emotions can change so rapidly? Well...I still don't know, but mine changed again. Don't want to go into detail, but basically, we played a fun joke on Mag and she was freaked that news of it would spread through the rest of the school and...yep. She wanted me to go up to someone and tell them that it was a joke. 'Cept I didn't want to, but she kept pressuring me to do it. I told her that I'd try to convince Di to do it, since she was the main one who played the joke. It was my idea and all, but Di 'acted' it out.

So I told Mag that there was a 87% of me convincing Di and she said okay. Buuut...Di wouldn't say it to the person, so I started crying. [shrug] You know, something to convince her. But since she's a fucking bitch, it didn't work. [glares darkly] She was all like, "Elaine, are you okay? [insert bunch o' shit] I don't think this is about what happened today; I think it's more about you."

What the fuck?

Load of shit, trust me. It had nothing to do with me.

So I couldn't stop crying for a freakin' half an hour or something. ><; [anime vein pop] So much for being cheerful.

Today, Diana was annoying comforting (well, she was trying to be comforting, at least; didn't really succeed, though ¬¬), Mag was just pushy, Tiffany extremely annoying, and Erin was just...there, as usual.

At lunch, we did absolutely nothing. NOTHING! That was just stupid. And after school...oh, kami-sama.

Imouto-san and I were the only ones there waiting to be picked up by Kaasan...and half an hour after he left, he walked by.

Yep. I wanted to say something, but I decided to do that when he came back the other way, 'cause he was going to turn in his friend's homework for him. So I was preparing everything I was gonna say and I was seriously going to say it, I swear...

But when he walked by, he was on the cell phone w/ the friend. So I didn't have even the smallest chance to say something.

DAMN IT!

Sometimes I think I'm falling for the guyl I've created in my fantasies, not the actual one. Maybe that's the reason I've liked him for so long.

I love an imaginary version of him, not the living, breathing one. The real him probably doesn't even like me the normal way. To him, I'm just...there.

I'm a piece of nothing.

But Imaginary!him loves me so.

...

I think all I really want is someone who loves me as much as I love them.

It's too bad that someone doesn't exist.

>>LEI's light shone at PM 7:36 //

Wow, I never noticed how fast emotions truly change.

After yesterday's depression, I'm so happy today.

Here, I'll explain. I wanna tell you everything.

So, yesterday night we had a Mars Observatory thingy. For the 8th and 5th graders of our school. To sum it all up, we go to school @ PM 9 and leave at PM 11.

I had a damn good time; it was sooo x 100 kick ass!

Diana: THAT MARS SHIT WERE KIK ASSS!
Elaine: OHHHHH YEAH!
Diana: MAG U LIL LIK O RICE HOE!
Elaine: LOL
Diana: LAINE U HIGH ASS FREEEEEEK!
Elaine: THIS WAS F'ING BETTER THAN YESTERDAY LUNCH!
Diana: ERIN U KILLA NICEY LIK O RICE SUPPLAIA!
Diana: that was soooooooo SHITTING FKKKKKKIN FUN!

LOL.

So I went with Imouto-san and Kaasan and we got to the school @ around 9:05. I found Mag and Di, and we went to find Erin. At first, things were quite mild and we were just going to run around the track field. Then, as we went onto the grass, the sprinklers went off~~~!! and we all (shrieking) ran off the field. XD

After that, we went to Erin's family's stakeout-blanket thing. Yep. We discovered that she and her family had brought 2 TUBS OF RED VINES LICORICE!!!

So we decided to go around, giving it to people. At first, we were kind of normal, just asking people if they wanted Red Vines. But then I started to get high and crazy (-er than usual). And when I'm high...you gotta be afraid. Very afraid. XD Yep. So I started screaming junk like, "IF YOU WANT RED VINES, COME AND [cough] GET [cough] THEM~!" I freaked out so many people. And then I reverted my yelling to "IF YOU WANT RED VINES, COME AND GET...MAGGIE!" And she kept shoving me. Playfully, of course. ^^; I was laughing my head off the whole time. So then after yelling THAT a few times, I started yelling, "IF YOU LOVE ME, COME AND GET YOUR RED VINES!" and other junk like that.

It was just TOO funny.

I was SOO high on...the night. Well, I'm usually hyper during the night, but it's kinda hard to be hyper by yourself. Aaaanyway, I just kept screaming randomly and following/walking in front of my friends. Yep. It was extremely amusing since the multiple guys that we suspect like Mag kept coming up to her for licorice, especially when I was yelling "IF YOU LOVE MAGGIE, COME GET YOUR RED VINES!"

Yeah, and once, when I was yelling, "IF YOU LOVE ME, COME GET YOUR RED VINES!" Winston came up to me and started jumping up and down. He was all like, "GIMME GIMME GIMME!" I practically fell over laughing when that happened and I started yelling at him while he ran off gleefully. Extremely amusing.

And this guy that we really think likes Mag came up to us continuously for like half an hour. He would get five pieces of licorice, distribute it to his friends, then come back and get more, and then distribute it again...XD Mag was totally like AAH! and I was just screaming at him the whole time for even daring to take the collection of fallen licorice I had collected. See, I was planning to spell out a certain name with the licorice, so I was rather...possessive about it. XD It was SOOO funny 'cause the guy just kept telling me to calm down.

The whole time, we looked at Mars through the telescope like...seven times. And we were supposed to draw Mars, 'cept we were too busy 'selling' licorice, so we never did. Oh, well it's extra credit, so whatever. But the science teacher that was in charge of the whole thing told us that whatever we drew would be fine. OOPS! Haha, LOL.

I'll just make something up.

>>LEI's light shone at PM 12:06 //

September 14, 2003

Then she led the Talk on about how phones are for emergencies and all that. Err...right. Then she complained about Diana. Again.

I told her that if I got to go out, I wouldn't use the phone so often, which is actually true. Told her that other kids didn't plug up their phone lines 'cause they got to go out and see each other. She said she didn't see the point of seeing friends outside of school. o_O Right. Then she said that I wasn't old enough to take care of myself. WTF. And then she kept talking [cough]ranting[cough] about how Diana wasn't trustworthy and that if I didn't control myself and save myself from the embarrasment (...o___O;;) she'd have to talk to Di.

First of all, what embarrasment? I don't see how that could be embarrasing. And second of all, why the hell would Di care about her? Why would Di give a damn what Kaasan was saying? Yeah, so that's stupid, but whatever.

Then she kept going and going and going about how if it was going out with Mag or Erin, she'd give it some thought. But not Diana. Err... Okaaaaay... That's like...weeeeeird, but it's what she said.

Well, then. I guess I'll have to go out with Mag and meet up with Di, then.

...Pointless.

Completely pointless.

LEI whispered to the wind @ PM 4:02


- - - - -

September 20, 2003

Back from work. [nod nod] Wasn't that bad, at all, really. I still didn't have the prices memorized, but I was okay. At first I screwed up on the cash register a hell lot, but after PM 3 I got much better. ^^ And I got to work with this hot guy... He was hella cute, though. Heh. And he liked working with me; he even asked when I would be workin' again. ^^;;

So that was fun.

He was the afternoon-shift, though. In the morning, there were two girls, one high school and one college. The high school girl (Wai) was kinda...quiet, so didn't really get to know her. The college girl was named Michelle, and was such a damn klutz. Or maybe klutz isn't the right word for her. She was just kinda...well, stupid. =\

Like when she was trying to get out of the store and go home, she couldn't get out the door 'cause she was pushing it on the wrong side. -___- And she stood there, trying to push it for like five minutes or somethin', and she never noticed that she was pushing it on the WRONG SIDE. That was funny. And she kept searching for stuff that was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE. >< Sweatdropped a lot.

Later~!

@ PM 8:14
 'Bootstrap's Bootstraps' - PotC Soundtrack

September 22, 2003

Hmm. Have scheduled an outing with Mag on Friday. Will go Spectruming. Only problem is that Di'll have to be left out...=[

Kaasan told me that I would only be able to go if there was supervision-- Tousan could follow us at a distance. That would suck ass, since he would see Di. And that's not good. So I tried the crying thing--didn't work. God, I am becoming like Imouto-san. Eww. So Mag asked her mom if she could supervise us...and she said okay, but only if Di wasn't there. =\ And that was it.

I don't think we'll be able to meet up with her...I mean, Mag's mom would just...Ugh. =[ So sowwy, Di.

Am having a nice break so far. Of course, it's only been a few hours, but still. ^^; Woke up at AM 10 today, was awakened by Tiffany's phone call. She was calling to ask if I could attend her birthday party on the 7th (AM 11:30 to PM 2). She IMed me when I signed on to ask me this and she told me that it was she that called.

Anyway, back to my day so far. I ignored the phone and tried going back to sleep, but I couldn't go back to my dream, so that sucked. So I decided to get up. Took a shower, got dressed. Felt nice and clean. o_O And no, that's no 'cause I took a shower, it's 'cause I didn't have to dread the day. And it felt nice to look out the window and see actual sunshine, instead of grayness that would later change into sunshine. =)

Grabbed a package of cream cheese and got on the computer. Signed on AIM, checked e-mail, all that (boring) stuff. Chatted with Kiwi and Tiffany. Called Mag, since Tiffany said that she (Mag) needed to talk to me.

Yep yep. That was my day so far. I'll check back later. ;]

@ PM 12:36
 'Can't Hold Us Down' - Christina Aguilera ft. Lil' Kim

// September 24, 2003

I really need to stop reading everyone's Xangas. However boring they are, I still end up feeling sorrow/wistful afterwards. Jealousy? Envy? Loathing? I don't know. I know they all live delusionally happy lives. They think they're happy, but...they're not really. But I just can't help but wonder why I couldn't live a delusionally happy life. I mean--I wouldn't know that the happiness was just an illusion, right? So I'd be happy.

They always come across as so happy, so cheerful...Never angsty, never bitchy. And they have nothing to bitch about, to be depressed about. They've all got what they want.

It'd be nice to live that way, I think. Delusionally happy. It's not that I'm not happy--I've got three great friends, I live in a good city, I get good grades, I don't have to see my parents a lot... It's just that...

Oh, I don't know. I'm just not delusionally happy. I know things that They don't know, I can't live life out carefreely, I can't choose myself what I want for my life. The best thing I've got in my life right now is my friends. <3 you guys, don't ever stop being so awesome and don't ever stop thinking that I'm weird. ^_~

Ehh...Haloscan's not working...Grr...

ramblings were scribbled @ PM 1:16
 "Underwater March" - PotC Soundtrack

// September 25, 2003

Feel content and satisfied. Did a lot today, and didn't get bored that much. ^_^ And I talked to all of my friends today. Yay! Mag + Di on the phone, and Di + Erin on IM. =]

Did ALL the laundry, including folding it all, something I never do. GOD, it took forever. Daaamn, my family has a hellotta clothes. X_X But now I'm pro again, like I was when I was four/five years old. =P Haha, want to see Kaasan's face when she sees all of it done. Mwahaha and she says I'm not responsible. Pffft.

Did more of Algebra homework, stupid harder stuff. And I'm doing my Chinese homework right now, heh. Early-ness! Hmm, what else? ...Is that it? [blink] Sure seemed like I did hell lot more...Oh well.

Spectruming w/ Mag tomorrow. Di was gonna go, but since Mag's mom will "bite her head off she she goes" XD she decided not to. I suggested (randomly, not seriously) that Di come over after I get back. =P She asked her mom, and after a while...she consented! =0 I'm so happy! I miss 'em all so much, and I wanted to see Di so badly tomorrow along w/ Mag. So it was sad when she said she wasn't gonna come along with us...=[ And then she just called and said she'd come over~~~!

YAAAAAY!

And Tiffany's b-day party is coming up, so I'll get to see Ewin too! [jumps around the room happily] =D Am feeling cheerful. Will hopefully be able to fall asleep before midnight so that I can wake up early tomorrow. Mag's picking me up @ AM 10:30.

[nod nod] Latah~!

ramblings were scribbled @ PM 10:17
 n/a

// September 26, 2003

So much for satisfaction.

Didn't get to see Di.

At all.

Imouto-san decided to come home after I got back. She got tired of the Bakery, I suppose.

And we all know that she'd tell on me/Di...So no more coming over for us.

DAMMIT.

I wanted to see Di so bad...and I still do. Nyeh, I was crying a few moments ago. I mean, geez, we had this whole thing planned out, and I cleaned the entire fucking house just for this! WTF. Why is it always Imouto-san or Kaasan that screws this up?

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

And this just ruins my day. And the Spectrum was enjoyable...and the day was supposed to get better, damn it! Not worse. Not like this. Stupid Imouto-san. Why does she always have to be so...un-sisterly? Everyone else gets along so well...But no, not us. We rarely have 'moments'. And I'm completely serious.

It's always her being bitchy or her thinking she's so great. She just hates me having fun. Suppose it's 'cause she's never had friend-friends that...are...well, close, I suppose. All her friends only last a few months.

Hmm. I don't blame them.

ramblings were scribbled @ PM 7:27
 n/a

// September 28, 2003

Di got her looooooong hair cut. Me luffs it. ^-^ So prettyful.

Am still reading PotC fics. I have a whole 'nother archive to go, though I've read most of the fics in there, I'm gonna go back and read it all since my memory is all refreshened-like. =] Have a new favorite story, LOL. The author is amazing and I love the hurt/comfort that she encorporates into the whole plot.

Have been informed that I am to eat with family at Marie Callendar's tonight. Bweh. At least the food'll be good. Am hoping that it will not overlap with the scheduled conversation with Lori. [crosses fingers] Heh, it's been a while, and we still haven't done the chat yet. XD We've both been busy, and I certainly don't blame her for it.

Went to Chinese School today, was half-asleep on the way there. -.- Zzzzzzzzz...Boringness. Some girl baked brownies for us, so ate one. Was good, much better than Tiffany's. XP Next week is the groundbreaking ceremony thing (...o_O) so we're only going to have one period, and then we're going (in parents' cars) to the newly built school. Bleh. Boring.

Better than having class, though, I suppose.

Oh, I finally completed my Algebra homework; am almost done with my Stars and Galaxies Dictionary for Science. There are three words that weren't in the book, so I guess I'll just look 'em up or something. Need to get in contact with Di so she can pick what book we're gonna read for English. Choices are A Solitary Blue, A Single Shard, and A Corner of the Universe. Any suggestions?

[runs off to read more Jack/Will goodness] XP

ramblings were scribbled @ PM 5:25
 "Stacy's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

Have just finished reading one of the most touching fics ever...Wow... I'm tearing and sniffling a bit.

That's just the perfect way to die. Under the sea, locked with your lover in an embrace, bound to each other by the cloth that holds your wrists together... And the two of you will stay bound together, both by body and by soul, for eternity.

ramblings were scribbled @ PM 9:40
 n/a

^__^ I like it, it's pretty good. Not as well-written as some other things, but it's fine for my taste. Really, anything better than what I write is good. Heh.

Need to go buy A Single Shard for the English book report thing. Then I can get to work on the stuff we have to do for that. And besides that, all I have to do is the Star/Constellation Viewing Lab for Science. Ugggggh. We have to go outside where there's not too much streetlights (that's nearly impossible here in Cali) and we have to draw constellations and stars 'in relationship to each other in the sky'. Basically, we have to draw constellations and stars as we see them in the sky.

Ugh. I really don't want to do that. I hate labs. ><

I do want to start on that book, though. It's been bugging me this whole time, since I don't find it that difficult of a task to complete, so I want to get it over with. But since Di didn't choose the book that we'd be reading, I couldn't do a thing but wait for it. Oh, well. It's not like I really blame her. It's not really her fault.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I still have to complete the Dictionary for Science. I got the definition for one of the words (nova) out of my notes taken from a presentation, but I still need to look up Red Shift and Blue Shift, whatever those are. >>; And then I'll be done with that, yay!! Feel extremely proud of myself for not procrastinating too much. Oh, LOL, Red Shift is the name of a band or something too. Heh.

gazed into space @ AM 9:24
 n/a

// October 5, 2003

Gah. Finished A Single Shard in less than two hours (including all the notes and stuff). Was an okay book. I don't really like Newberry Books, they tend to be kinda boring. =\ So saying that it was okay is a pretty good compliment, heh. ...Yeah. The plot was okay, the book itself was waaaay too short for my liking (though I'm glad that it was short so I wouldn't have to write that many questions XP), but it was still okay.

Ending made me cry though, >>; stupid book. Myeh. Oh, well. I'm almost done with the actual assignment now; I just have to organize the stuff I wrote and do the 'brief character descriptions'. That shouldn't be too hard. =| Yeah. Yay! That means I only have to do the constellation viewing thing! Wh00t!!! That's awesome. But uggggh I don't want to go outside and draw stars...

gazed into space @ PM 11:09
 "Stacy's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

Woke up bright n' early (well, it wasn't really bright, actually pretty dark and cloudy XD). Went to Chinese School. During second period we left for the 'Groundbreaking Ceremony' or whatever. Was so boring. Got there in someone's mom's van; sat with five other girls. Was once again outcasted, since they were all talking and I was just...there, in the front seat. Myeh. Then we got to the EMPTY PLOT OF LAND and we waited for our turn to go in, and that took a while. -___-; Then we got in and stood there for...FOREVER. >>;

During the ceremony, 'important' people made speeches. Most of them were English speeches by people who could barely speak the language. ¬¬ It was painful listening to all the grammatical errors and incorrect pronounciations. Neh. Then all the past principals and chairmen people all lined up in a semi-circle and they passed around an unlighted torch. ...Yep. Unlighted. So stupid. -__-;

Then we went home. Tousan, Imouto-san, and I went to the Bakery (Fountain Valley) and stayed there for a while. Then Tousan and I went to the bookstore to get A Single Shard. I also bought A Wizard's Vacation and some cookbook thing for Kaasan (birthday gift). Then we came home. And here I am now.

gazed into space @ PM 4:10
 "Somewhere I Belong" - Linkin Park

October 10, 2003

I'm confused. So is Mr. Governor-dude supporting gay rights or not? ¬¬ Stupid news reports are always too biased to tell. Hmm. It says that he supports gay rights but not marriage. Uhh...duuuuude.

"Gay marriage? He's against it. Medical marijuana? He's for it. After weeks of skating around the hot-button social issues in California, actor Arnold Schwarzenegger today revealed his positions on a call-in radio talk show.

Schwarzenegger, the leading Republican in the race to replace Gov. Gray Davis (D) if he is ousted from office in October, described himself as "pro-choice" and said he would defend a woman's right to abortion services. But he said he is against late-stage procedures that some call "partial-birth" abortions. On gay marriage, Schwarzenegger said: "I do support domestic partnerships." But he said he is against state-sanctioned unions for gays and lesbians. "Marriage should be between a man and woman," he said.

Pfffffft.

clashed swords @ AM 2:13
 n/a

November 1, 2003

Halloween night was awesome. Had lots of fun with my friends. =] As for trick-or-treating, we didn't get much candy. We were too tired, ehh. I don't really care, though. After sorting the candy and stuff, we had a great time. ^^ We danced to band music XD and filmed silent movies. Hahaha. Good times, ne?

embraced my treasure @ PM 1:27 |
n/a

November 2, 2003

The double A's that I always tend to feel. -___-;

Went out for dinner w/ Kaasan and Imouto-san. Ate at Macaroni (err...sp?) Grill. Waiter was a funny (kinda) guy.

He 'spilled' parmasan (again, sp?) cheese in our laps on purpose. That alone got Kaasan pissed. It bothered me slightly. Food in lap is never a good thing. And he kept calling us 'ladies'. I swear, every sentence he said had the word 'ladies' in it. -___-; That disturbed me. Then, when Kaasan paid the bill, she gave him a $50 bill. He said, "Whoa...thanks!" I knew something was wrong then, LOL. And then he gave us like this whole goodbye speech thing. And I was just like o_O [insert fake laugh here] >>; [insert fake laugh here] X_X [insert fake laugh here]...you get the idea. And then Kaasan was like...

"Wait, he's not gonna give me change?!?!?"

And thus the Her-Getting-Pissed-Off. God, she ranted about it the whole car ride home (though it's not that long of a car ride, it still annoyed me) and Imouto-san and I pretty much just told her to shut up. And she started complaining that if she didn't tell us, there was nobody else she could complain to and that she would have to keep it all inside. I rolled my eyes and just retorted, "Well, that's what I do!"

She said that I was welcome to complain to her but I never did. That stumped me for a moment but then I said, "Yeah, well, I don't feel secure about trusting you! Or anybody else! ...Except Di-Di!" And she was silent after that. And you know what? It's the truth.

embraced my treasure @ PM 10:05 |
n/a

November 3, 2003

Started raining randomly today. Just a few quick showers. It started again after school, just when we were getting out of class. Felt icky and used Di's jacket to cover my head with. Di ran off into the rain and I decided to, just to be weird. Good motivation. Got completely wet. Well, my hair did, at least. My pants got kinda wet and my jacket just absorbed it all, ehehe. Then decided that I was gonna catch a cold, so I went back under the 'shade'. Perfect timing, since the sun started coming out just then and the rain stopped. =| Rain here in Cali never seems to last long.

Got home and took a nice hot shower (washed hair) because Kaasan said to.

embraced my treasure @ PM 4:05 |
"Stacy's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

November 4, 2003

Am getting an 89.6% in Algebra, LOL. Chiaverini told me that it'd be an A-. Phew. Was nervous about that. Am hoping for straight A's, something I haven't been able to achieve for quite a while. The last time was--what, fifth grade? =P Yay. Then maybe I can bribe Kaasan into letting me go over to Di's house or something Yaaay! ^^

Ahh. HP/DM vids are so cute. [huggles] But the only bad thing is that the more I watch 'em, the more desperate I am to see a smooch scene between them. =| [sigh]

embraced my treasure @ PM 7:40 |
"Cleaning Out My Closet" - Eminem

November 9, 2003

...I hate perfume.

So I couldn't breathe.

And therefore I had difficulty taking the test. Yep, I'm just gonna keep telling myself that now.

embraced my treasure @ PM 3:05 |
"Harder to Breathe" - Maroon5

Novmeber 11, 2003

Rowling's OotP clearly sucked major ass. And I don't say that often. I tried to not think it as I went along reading the book, wanting to try and appreciate the damned long-awaited thing. But nooo, I was so disappointed. Sure, I said I teared at Sirius' death, right? Well, the only reason that happened was because I sat there for five fucking minutes forcing myself to cry. How lame is that! And in the end, I only managed to tear. On the other hand, HP fanfiction makes me cry so easily!

Ahh. Feels good to have it out in the open. I'm bad at expressing my opinions when nobody else agrees to them.

I didn't like Bellatrix. Liked her name: but it's not original, so Rowling gets no points there. Fanfiction authors made up Sirius-sisters named Bellatrix, okay? And she was all 'pwahaha I'm so evil but a weakling because I follow instead of lead and I'm going to follow the Dark Lord's orders and kill whoever he wants me to kill'. -__-; I hate that.

The main issue: It wasn't a book. I read it as I would a piece of fanfiction bound into a book, except for the whole heterosexual relationships thing. And it SEEMED like a really long piece of fanfiction. Crappily written, I must add. There are so many other authors who have written works that are so amazing that I just keep reading specific lines over and over again and pieces of dialogue stay in my head forever. I think Rowling really was just trying to impress her fans. And she has most definitely been reading too much fanfiction. Too much crappily written fanfiction.

The slash reference in the beginning shot through me like a bullet; I read it over and over again to make sure she wasn't implying something else. You know the part where Dudley says something along the lines of: "Who's he, your boyfriend?" Rowling clearly knows that homophobes are reading her books and she put that in there. Dudley had never teased Harry like that before. That, ladies and gentlemen, was added in for the SLASH FANS that she knew existed and would be reading her work. Damn woman.

She tried to do proper Harry angst, but just made him sound like a whiny teenager. What's unique about that? And when she killed off Sirius--what the hell? She was trying to do the whole "let's kill off a main character and make Harry all sad and depressy" thing. HA! Only talented people can write those properly. I mean, not to be bragging [cough], but I write deaths better than her! And anyway, to kill off somebody, you have to have a romantic reference. Doesn't matter whether it's with the dead one or somebody who comforts! It's just a general rule or writing.

Last of all (trust me, you don't want me to say any more), her book was just a disappointment. After reading so much slash fiction, it was extremely hard to go back to the goddamn heterosexual world. Harry's kiss with Chang was painful to read and not just because it was so lamely written. [twitch] I can proudly say that I haven't touched the book, much less opened it, after I put it back on my shelf after the first read. Book 1-4 used to be re-read over and over and over again at the dinner table, but I doubt I'm ever going to touch OotP again.

Hahaha. Now I feel inclined to send Rowling hatemail. Wish I could and that if I did, it'd actually go through to her. [smirk]

embraced my treasure @ PM 2:24 |
"Bring Me To Life" - Evanescence

november 30, 2003

[sigh] Just thinking of the Prisoner of Azkaban movie makes me want to puke. Damn JKR. Daaaamn her. [stares at the pic] Hmm...I could do a nice manipulation with that... Oh! With the pic of Draco in the Forbidden Forest, all scaredy-like...[evil grin]

our hands clasped @ PM 5:58 |
"Bring Me To Life" - Evanescence

Ahh. New layout, as I said. How refreshing. XP I've changed the sidebar content and switched everything around, just 'cause the other format was annoying me. This way, it looks nicer. Or at least in my opinion it does. And yay, I like the image. Christmas tones! XP Of course, that wasn't my original intention or anything, but it works, right?

I've got just a bit of homework left to finish. Algebra, icky. And I should really get started on the Glory Field responses. Even more ickyness. I despise Mrs. Tomlin and her class. She always tries to make all these stupid jokes that everyone laughs at. Di and I just sit there, silent and still, a whole world away from the class. Ahh. Makes me feel superior.

Hmm. I should go eat lunch now.

our hands clasped @ PM 1:53 |
"Shuffle" - Yu-Gi-Oh!

december 1, 2003

our hands clasped @ PM 6:16 |
"Stranded" - Michelle Branch

december 4, 2003

our hands clasped @ PM 9:06 |
"Bright Lights" - Matchbox Twenty

decmber 13, 2003

Went to Morning Glory afterwards. Bought presents for Imouto-san and my friends. Then visited the Bakery and ate some stuff. (For free ^_~)

Chick-watching at South Coast (it's a mall) was satisfying. Guy-watching was definitely not. And that's all I have to say for today.

our hands clasped @ PM 6:52 |
"Addicted" - Enrique Iglesias

december 20, 2003

I think I caught it yesterday, because that was when my throat started to hurt. See, I thought I was just dehydrated again. >< Goes to show how much I know. So I drank a ton of water yesterday, then realized that my voice sounded funny...and I was sick. Ack. When I tell Kaasan, she'll just say, "I told you so." -__- So comforting.

I'm glad school's over. I'd hate to go to school like this. Besides, lying in my bed doing absolutely nothing but listening to the radio is rather nice. But I'd rather be doing that without the cold. [sigh] I hope I get better soon. I hate being sick.

It's been a week since I last posted, so there's stuff to say, as usual. I took the Constitution test this week (History)... Everyone was all worried because it's worth 500 points, and if you don't pass, you won't get to go to Promotion (Graduation). But I got an A! Am proud of myself; I hadn't expected to do that good, even if I wasn't worrying. Heh. Hmm...what else?

Maggie and I have been having several rows lately...It's just that she's become so...normal and I hate it. And she finds nothing wrong with it... I don't know, it just gets me frustrated. Especially when she goes all stupid on me. Di says I'm overreacting, but, well...that's what I do when I'm angry at someone. And of course, there's the jealousy factor... She got so many gifts from everyone. [shakes head] Well...It's a good life that she's living.

I suppose Mag's just growing up.

our hands clasped @ PM 1:43 |
n/a

december 24, 2003

So. Had dinner at Black Angus. Enjoyed. Well, kind of. It wasn't as dull as I had predicted. Went to my cousin's house across the street. Opened presents. Am pleased with what I received. Lots of cosmetics (LOL, they're nice, though), a cute bobblehead, bath stuff, an intricate plate (from Imouto-san, LMAO), lots of stationery from Morning Glory, a Gameboy Advance SP!, lots really nice (and expensive-looking XP) jewelry, money... Ehehe. For me, this is pretty good and way better than I had expected. =D

Read a few good fics, went home, continued reading, and then stayed up until dawn. Yeppers. Not bad; not bad at all.

our hands clasped @ PM 10:53 |
"The Voice Within" - Christina Aguilera

december 25, 2003

Yeah, and there were so many slash moments. Any time in the entire movie, Frodo and Sam could've kissed and it wouldn't seem awkward or out of place. Heh. I would have loved that. But of course, the actors would never do that. Damn. XP

Then, Kaasan got all pissed at me because she thought I was cold, while I DEFINITELY wasn't. Argh. I hate that. So she made me wear one of her most horrible coats. Eww. Got pissed. Silent treatment. ;] Was forced to go to Nice Time Cafe for dinner. -__- They discussed LotR, and killed its honor by misunderstanding every fucking thing that I love about it. Yelled that I hate Arwen (movie Arwen). Imouto-san told me to shut up and stop complaining. Then went home. Relatives came over to our house for a 'chat'. Stayed with them, for once. And the subject of Harry Potter came up. Yelled, "Don't even mention that! I hate guy-girl romances." They all snickered at me. (I know HP doesn't have much romance, but you get my point.)

You know what my aunt said? She's like, "Oh, well that's just now. In a few years, you'll change your mind." Got pissed at that. Told them all that they didn't understand. Heh, but my cousin got the message. Yay, so that makes two people. Told the adults (five of them) that my opinion would be the same in a few years and for the rest of my life. Everyone argued, "How do you know that?" -__- How do I know that? WTF? Of course I'm going to be anti-homophobic for the rest of my life. Then they said, "In a few years, you'll get a boyfriend, so why wouldn't you like boy-girl romance?" My god.

Then, later, my uncle started going all homophobic on me. Oh. My. God. I wanted to kill him. He started dissing all those gays in San Francisco. I told them that I'd love to go to San Fran. They all laughed and asked, "Why would you want to? It's disgusting." I left the room.

Gave it a few minutes, then went back, stepping in yelling, "Don't you dare go homophobic on me." Sat down. And then it started. They laughed. And kept laughing. I sat there, tears in my eyes. Again, my god. And Kaasan started YELLING! at me for expressing my opinion and that my uncle had every right to insult homosexuals. Oh. My. God. The tears fell. My aunt started saying how disgusting it all was and how wrong it all was. My other aunt started yelling at me, telling me that she was all right with it, and she acted as if I was the homophobe. Kaasan continued scolding me. I couldn't take it and yelled, "I have every right to express my opinion! [insert name of uncle here] has absolutely no right to say that it's wrong!!!"

The room silenced.

I was so glad when they left.

our hands clasped @ AM 10:05 |
"Bright Lights" - Matchbox Twenty

december 31, 2003

Well, I didn't sleep on the 28th...I mean, I didn't sleep from the 28th to the 29th. If that makes any sense. -__- Why, you ask? Well, my excuse was that I wanted to be able to say goodbye to my cousin (who was leaving in the morning), but really, I just wanted to beat my record. ^^;

Today, I slept until 5:45 PM since we didn't have piano lessons. Haha, my sleeping schedule's completely screwed up now. But ugh, yesterday, Kaasan started yelling at me for that. What difference does it make to her that I sleep during the day and stay awake during the night? It's not like she or Tousan are ever home, anyway. But of course, I know she's just venting anger. Ah yes, it's always me that they yell at. And both of my parents just complain, complain, complain up until the point where I have the strongest urge to just yell STFU!

Is that what people do when they grow old? Bitch, bitch, bitch? Man...I don't know what I did to deserve it. If only I could get out of the house. See, neither of them ever sees me anyway, so what difference does it make to them if I get out of the house once in a while and have some fun of my own? But noooo, Kaasan just tells me that 'she doesn't want me to grow up yet'. Ugh. That is the stupidest reason. She always says to me, "I'm trying to be a good mom," and "Hah, as if there's any mother out there that's a good as I am." And I just sit there in silence, thinking, "Yeah, keep telling yourself that." If she's such a good mom, why doesn't she let me be happy, for once?

Oh, yeah. Happy New Year's. =]

our hands clasped @ AM 12:04 |
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